Life Isn't Fair!

Today my heart is broken.  I have a deep ache in my chest, it's hard to breathe.  One of our closest family friends is dealing with a tragic loss.  Their daughter was killed on Friday in a horrible accident.  My mind still cannot process it.  I have been in tears since I heard the news.  She was 28, so much life yet to live.  I was truly blessed to know this young lady.  I met her when she was still in college, she was vibrant and so loving.  She watched over my boys even though it made her extremely nervous, especially after Daniel fell down the stairs and busted his lip.  I will never forget the image of her comforting him and the look of compassion and fear on her face.  She only wanted to do her best at everything.  She was so worried I would be upset with her but I couldn't be.  When she decided to go on a mission for our church, I was so happy.  I enjoyed writing letters with her and seeing her grow in the gospel.  I feel so blessed that she chose to keep in touch even afterwards, sending me random messages every couple of months.

Her parents have been such a blessing in our life.  I cannot imagine what they are feeling.  I do know that Heavenly Father is in charge but I still want to rock on my knees and scream WHY!  Our whole family is hurting.  Daniel doesn't remember her but he loves her mom so much and is so sad to know she is hurting.  The older boys are upset and Kevin...my sweet Kevin.  I hate being apart at a time like this when we need each other.  Neither of us slept well, we talked into each other's nights. 

I don't know if I have any more tears, but I still feel on the verge of them all the time. 

I know time will heal us, but I can't imagine how right now.

Please pray for this special family, I know from experience the power of prayer and they need all the love and comfort they can get.

Life just isn't fair...

Words to Fill My Soul!

I probably should have wiped down the table before taking the picture, but this is real life folks!

Today I received two cards that just filled my soul.  I am a big believer in the written word.  I think thank-you or thinking of you cards that are handwritten will NEVER go out of style...ever.  I know how much I love to read simple, heart-felt words and how they make me feel loved and appreciated.

Today I got a lovely thank-you card from a sweet friend (along with a plate of cookies...BONUS) and when I read her words, I cried.  I thought about sharing them here on my blog, but for now I just want to keep them to myself.  I am going to put the note in my purse and keep it there as a reminder for when I need a little pick me up.

I also realized that we had not checked mail in a couple days so I sent Daniel off to the mailbox.  When he returned there were cards for all us from Kevin.  I love getting mail from my love.  He sent me a cute little Halloween card with such loving words.  I will never tire of seeing his love for me displayed in his handwriting.

I love little tangible reminders of friendship and love.  I know people, including myself, love the convenience of social media, texting and email but there is still no replacement for a simple, handwritten note.

In the past two weeks I have received over five handwritten thank-you notes, not including the two I mentioned earlier and my soul has truly been filled.

When was the last time you wrote someone a thank you note or a thinking of you card?  Is there someone in your life who might benefit from some simple words of affirmation?

TDT #11 - Hello....Goodbye!

One of the ways I have always done my countdowns when my  husband is away is by counting trash days.  Most of the time it isn't as daunting a number as the estimated number of days he'll be gone.  And it helps me remember to put the trash out, or rather encourage my boys to put the trash out since it's their job.  So this will be my new weekly post, and I'll just really post whatever, no real set theme.  Please feel free to join me on this adventure of counting down the time until your loved one comes home!

 One of the things I dislike most about this Military lifestyle if the constant hello's and goodbyes!  I know in the civilian sector people move in and out too but it seems a bit  more frequent in the Military. 

I have the unfortunate skill of clicking with someone just a few months before they move away.  It's just not FAIR!  Last week I had to say goodbye to one of my favorite people.  We met this past spring in the office I volunteer in.  We clicked immediately, I knew we were meant to be friends and not just the kind that hang out until they move away, but friends for life.  She immediately became part of our family and came to dinner nearly every Sunday.  I loved her immediately and so did the rest of my family.  She just became one of us.  I knew when we met that she was getting out of the Army in a few months and would be moving back home.  I just didn't expect the time to fly by so fast.

I really wanted to go to her award ceremony but unfortunately had committed to a conference and couldn't break away.  She did come by with her super cutie brother though and I'm so glad she did.  I wish we had been able to spend more time together but at the same time I'm glad that I was busy because then I didn't cry...even though I really wanted to.

I miss her already, but I know we're lifetime friends and fortunately she doesn't live that far away from my parents.

Amanda, I love you and wish you the best in the next chapter of your life.  And remember...there's always room for you at our table!

How do you handle goodbye's?

Girls Night Out & A Rosy Personality

Source

A couple evenings ago, a small group of us got together to hang out with a friend who is due to have her baby really soon.  In lieu of a baby shower, we just got together with snacks and gifts for mommy (well some gifts for baby) and just chatted.  Most of us talked for hours, I didn't get home until just after midnight!  I honestly haven't done that in a really long time, if ever.  I've never really hung out with large group of women and usually do "hanging" out one on one with friends.

I have to tell you that I have done a terrible injustice to so many wonderful people in my life.  I tend to hold back on building relationships and I have always been so careful about throwing the word "friend" around.  There are few people I let in my sacred little circle.  What I realized last night is how selfish I have been.  I don't need to be best friends with everyone I meet but I can have lots of valued friends in my life.

As we were chatting and talking over one another like a group of women do, I realized that I really love these women and I love the beautiful environment that was created by this small circle.  There were about 10 of us and we are all so very different, each of us bringing something different yet special to the group.  It was a safe environment, we could all be our true selves without worrying about being judged.  It is very liberating.

We talked about so many different things, we laughed and at times we were somber, but overall we just had fun.  It's such a blessing to be able to be a part of something so special to get to know people on a deeper level without really trying.

I really consider myself lucky to have been able to have this evening out.  While it may have been for someone else, it enlightened me in so many ways.

At one point we started talking about what types of flowers everyone was and immediately I was told I was a Rose...because they also have thorns.  I pretended to be offended but then realized it was a pretty accurate description.  Thankfully all these women accept me and my rose personality!

I'll end this post with the words from my friend, they really touched my heart.

Hey!!! Roses are a beautiful flower!! They make me smile, smell beautiful and brighten up a home. On the other hand they have thorns. Therefore, be careful how you handle them because although they are sweet and beautiful...they will prick, poke and make you bleed when mistreated. That is you my darling Nadine!!! AND you know what? I LOVE everything about you...thorns and all! 

Source

BFF

I have three BFF's in this world..true BFF's and this is one of them...My sweet Lela! And she's here visiting me with her hubby. I know she loves me because she came to the middle of nowhere to hang out. Yup, she loves me! I'll post more about our visit later..I just wanted the cyber world to know that my BFF is here!

Who Needs Enemies...

I'm very honest when it comes to who I call a friend. I don't use the term lightly and I have very few people in my life who fall into the friend category. I have many acquaintances and buddies, but friends, not so much. I'm okay with that and yesterday was another reminder to me why I am always so careful as to who let into that intimate circle. I found out that a so-called friend has pretty much insulted every facet of my life. My home, my family, my beliefs and me. The home part doesn't bother me so much (a bit because that is what tipped me off that they had been talking about me behind my back since the people who mentioned that aspect of my life to me have never been to my house). But to talk about my family, insult how I raise my kids or discuss different things about my husband that they don't even know about, that's just wrong and enough for the walls to fly back up and for this person to be shut out of my life.

It's pretty unfortunate that people have to be so petty and if I were as petty as they are, I could mention lots of things that I don't agree with about their family but I'm not going to stoop to their level.

This experience has simply reminded me that with friends like that...who needs enemies?

The Joy of Friendship

One of the blessings of living the Military lifestyle is the opportunity to meet people whom you may never have crossed paths with otherwise. Last weekend we had the pleasure of having friends come and visit us that we had been stationed with at Fort Hood.
Occasionally we all need to be recharged and I certainly felt recharged after this visit. How we certainly would have enjoyed having the entire Millhouse Family, only 4 of the 6 were able to journey to Missouri. Jason is currently serving in Afghanistan (and is always in our prayers) and Miss Emma was busy being a star in a showing of Alice and Wonderland (can I have your autograph?). We had fun, relaxed and just enjoyed one another's company. Her sweet boys who are 2 and 7 just had so much fun with our "big" boys. I was so overwhelmed with joy in my heart with the interaction of all the boys. Neil really enjoyed hanging out with sweet Spencer. Can I just mention here how surprised I was at how big that sweet boy has gotten! I had the blessing of being at his birth and now he is half grown, why must time go so darn fast!
Kevin enjoyed spending time with darling Josie and I might admit to being slightly jealous that she liked him more than me. Overall we just had a great time and I feel so blessed to have friends who are willing to travel to spend time with us. Thanks again for the great visit Millhouse Family! Although we may be miles apart in distance, we are always close in heart! We love you!

Me & Dorshan

Kevin and darling Josie...her facial expressions always had us cracking up!


Spencer was FASCINATED with the dog kennel. If we couldn't find him, it was likely he was hiding in there. Silly boy!
Dorshan and her sweet baby girl!
Spencer made fast friends with Neil!
Spencer certainly kept the boys entertained, that child is high energy!
Handsome Trent who also couldn't get enough of the "big" boys!

Seasons of Friendship

Today I was thinking about this blog entry from a couple years ago. Lately I've really been reflecting about some of my friendships. Moving so much is hard on some relationships. I have a best friend who will be my best friend forever, no matter where I go or how much time passes. I can see her once every 10 years and we pick up right where we left off. I am blessed by that. I have a few friendships like that.

I see other friendships lately that I thought were lifetime friendships changing direction and I am not going to lie, it's pretty painful. In a couple of them I gave a lot of myself, physically and emotionally. But like I wrote in that entry referenced above, I have to self-evaluate and know that I didn't do anything to harm the relationship.

Finding friends here has been hard but I think it's because of the wall I put up. I had such great relationships at Hood and it was very hard for me to leave them behind. I really put myself out there for many of them and now I don't even know where half of them stand. So I didn't put myself out there when I moved here and I'm slowly making friendships but I'm not going to lie, it's hard. In the past 6 months I met a girl and she is awesome and a lot like me and like so many of my lifelong friends I have and she's moving in 2 months! I hate this aspect of the Army. It just doesn't seem fair!

Anyway, my whole point of this post is to remind myself there is a reason for everything and I need to focus on the blessings and experiences.

Friendly Visits

This past weekend we had some friends from about 5 duty stations ago drop by and visit. The Grant Family was stationed with us back at Fort Riley. It has been almost 9 years since we have seen them. (Though I did get to see Mark back in 2008 when he was coming back from Iraq, you can check out my blog entry from that visit here.) Mark and their oldest son were not able to visit as they had their own things going but it was fun to spend a couple days with the rest of the family. The kids all really connected like they had never been separated. Neil & Daniel were really too little to remember them when we moved away but you have never thought it.

It was fun relaxing and reconnecting. Thanks for dropping by! Let's not wait another 9 years!

A Late but Well Deserved Thank You

This morning in twitter land, a deployment tip was offered.

Deployment tip of the day: Don't forget about your civilian friends. No, they don't "get" it. But they do love you, and want to help. #SOT

Sometimes I think that civilians think we don't care for their opinions or that we can't be bothered with them or that we think less of them because they have a different lifestyle than us. For me, that's not true. I truly believe we are all cast in our lot of life for different reasons and we all have much to learn through the experiences and paths we are set to travel on. It doesn't make one group better then the other, it just makes us all different.

Throughout our separations because of the military, I have clung to my military friends, but I have also been supported greatly by many of my friends with no military affiliation. In fact, I was often humbled by their support and unconditional love. Looking back, I'm not sure I thanked them enough for their love and support and if I did, it probably wasn't in a fashion that they deserved.

So I want to take the time to tell my many friends and family who loved us, prayed for us and supported us through the last 5 years..but if I'm to be honest, they have been supporting and loving us from the beginning, I just haven't always appreciated it.

There are many names and it is not my intention to leave anyone out or hurt feelings but there are a few names that I want to say...to acknowledge.

The Newman family...they are family. I was so touched that they welcomed me into the family when Kevin and I got married. Their love and support has helped me more then they will probably ever know, the short one or two line emails meant so much more to me than paragraphs sent by people I knew didn't really care.

The Steinke family...they are family too. What can I say, they have humbled me time and time again with their support and their love and their desire to help with any project I asked.

The Morgan family...where would I be without Emma and Rusty...their passion for supporting us cannot be compared. I always knew they would be there should I need anything (even when I plan to go home and fail to do so, they still support and love us).

My Lela and Marlon - words can't express my love...really...blessed by their friendship...words would cheapen...I won't try to explain

My MWS family - they walked nearly every step with me, joy, sadness, I know many shed many tears right along side me. They quickly adopted my family and dubbed Kevin as "their Soldier". Another amazingly humbling experience.

My LDS Moms family...a select few understood as military wives but everyone tried and for that I was grateful, always grateful for their fasts and prayers on our behalf.

There really are so many more, the small notes...the small gifts, the emails and phone at just the right time. The letters and care packages sent to Kevin. The many strangers who have quickly become close friends.

We have truly been humbled by the love and support from all of our friends.

The words thank you don't seem like enough...our hearts are expressing much more gratitude then we could ever write.

Catching Up with Old Friends

Today I got to have lunch with a good friend of ours. He is in the Michigan National Guard and just returned from a rotation in Kuwait. They have to out process through Fort Hood so we had the chance to meet up for about an hour and chat. It was a good time. We love their family. It's been over 7 years since we have seen them. Oh, Mark...I really am sorry that you froze! The weather forecast told me it was going to be nice this week but the temperature dropped. He believed me when I said it was nice and so he shipped all his cold weather gear home. I'm sorry!! I told him I was just trying to help acclimatize him for when he goes back to cold Michigan!! Oh and it was nice until they all invaded Fort Hood, so I'm sure it's all his fault anyway!!!

Really it was great seeing him again. One day we'll meet up with both families and have a big reunion!

Welcome Home Mark!

Here is 1LT Mark Grant freezing his butt off in Texas!We tried to take the pic ourselves, but we were combating the wind...lol

I asked (ok kinda yelled over the wind and scared a little) a Soldier who was walking across the parking lot to please take a pic for us. He was kind enough (or scared into) taking it for us. Thanks PFC Nunn!

"Friendship"

I have spent a lot of time recently contemplating relationships/friendships I've had. I don't really know why but when I think about them, my mind often wanders back to something I received in my email months ago. I remember when I first read it, I felt it had such truth to it and even went as far as to put different "friendships" into the three different categories. Lately I find myself thinking again about this little write-up...

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.!
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

So now I think back to the last 18 months or so and I see all the "friendships" I have developed, nurtured, walked away from or found myself missing. I'll admit that for some of those relationships I expressed great emotion, sometimes anger, sometimes hurt...a lot of times simple confusion. There are some friendships that seemed really strong and then the next day there were non-existent and I was left trying to figure out what the hell happened. Something that I have come to realize over the past few days is that if I really read the words of the statement above, those "friendships" served their purpose. Instead of being angry or hurt, I need to reflect and just ponder for a few minutes what good came out of them. If they were meant to only be for a Season, I should look at the memories that were created and keep them locked inside to take out when I need a smile. If they were meant for a Reason, I should do the same and try to figure out the reason and feel good if I helped in a situation. Unless I did something horrible to cause that friendship to fail, then I should realize that in God's big plan, these "friendships" were created for a purpose and if they've ended then I should acknowledge that I've done what I needed to and move on.

The last category is Lifetime. Now those who know me well know that I do not use the term "friend" loosely. It takes a lot for me to put you in that category. This is where my Lifetime buddies fall in, they are in my friend status. I always thought this category consisted of a fairly small number but as I've pondered all this the past few days, I realize that it's a slightly larger number than I originally thought. There are people who I may not talk to everyday but when I think of them, I feel my love for them in my heart. I can't erase that. I'd still do anything for them if they asked. That's what lifetime friends do. And lifetime doesn't have to be literal, I know there are friendships I've developed in the past couple years that will last the rest of my lifetime. It's not always about the past but also about the future.

So what's the point to all this rambling? Basically this...I'm not going to beat myself up over "lost" friendships, I'm going to look at them, remember the happy times, smile and know that there is a reason for everything.