Say Their Names

Just like most of America...most of the world even, I was shocked at what I saw happen in a small town in Connecticut on Friday.  My heart broke, my tears flowed and I wanted to hold my children just a little tighter.

It was so hard to discuss with my children why someone would take the innocent lives.  It was interesting reading the different reactions.  I haven't posted much about it.  I just want to remember and honor these lives the best way I know how.  In prayer, in remembering these beautiful people.  The babies...the adults who risked their lives.

I will not live in fear.  I know many were scared to send their kids to school this morning.  Everyone has responded in different ways in regards to faith and religion.  I just way to say I know who is in charge.  I know my Heavenly Father and my Savior do not want bad things to happen.  At times like this, it's hard to understand why bad things happen to good people.  People make choices and unfortunately others reap the consequences.  I am sad and heartbroken for the families who had to bid their loved ones goodbye way too soon.  I cannot even begin to image their pain.  I know what can heal but I know it can take time.

 I don't want to remember the name of the person who caused so much pain.  I want to remember those special spirits who were called home way too soon.  God Bless Sandy Hook and America as they begin to heal and move forward in this painful journey.  Say their names and remember them.

And remember to spend time with those who matter most.  We aren't promised tomorrow so let's make sure to take advantage of today.

Aching Heart

My mind has been going and going since yesterday when I got the news that another Soldier we know took their life over the weekend. I just can't make sense of it all. In September, another Soldier we knew took his life. They were both First Sergeant's in Kevin's previous battalion, both people I had worked with during Kevin's last deployment. I spent quite a bit of time on the phone with a friend talking it out, but we both hung up still wondering why and with an ache in each of our hearts.
Just the day before I was talking with someone I volunteer with about how we know that the Army (not disregarding the other branches, just happens we were talking about what we know...the Army) was working hard to try to get help for our Soldiers and their Families (suicide is not only real for our Troops but their Family members as well). More and more resources are available but there is still a disconnect in getting to them. We just have to get better about reaching our Soldiers and letting them know there is help.
But aside from wishing they could have found help, my heart cries for the pain they were in. I can't imagine the pain or whatever emotion they were feeling that they felt this was the only way to not feel it.
I wish I could convey what I'm feeling inside but to be honest I'm still trying to figure it out. I just wish we could reach our Soldiers before it's too late. I wish that we could have done more, reached out more, done something more...
God Bless You J.L and B.G and all our Troops who felt they had no other option...I'm sorry we let you down....

We are Family....A Military Family

Last week I received a call from a good friend back at Fort Hood. She had read an article that morning that talked about two Soldiers being killed at the camp her husband is currently stationed at. There was no real information except a short story with no names and very little details. As you can imagine, a lot of panic and anticipatory grief was running rampant. If you've never been through a situation like this, it's hard to explain the many emotions that run through you in mere seconds.
Because the Army tries hard to respect the families of the fall and protect them, they immediately issue a commo blackout so no one can call out of the base to share information before the family has been notified. Because the story had been told with no information except what brigade it was, many people were worried, which is natural and to be expected.
Deployments are rough enough, waiting to see if it's going to be your doorbell that rings is even tougher. I felt helpless. I had been through two deployments with my friend and I am too far away to hug her, to look her in the eye and tell her things would be okay.
In my mind I tried to figure out hours and do the math and convincing myself that if it was her Soldier, she would know by now. I did something I tell others to never do and have never done, I told her I was sure that it wasn't her husband, that he was okay. After a few more minutes of talking, I hung up with her.
I went to my room and laid on my bed and begged the Lord not to let me be a liar. I was overwhelmed at that thought.
As the day progressed I found out that her husband was okay and that it was two Soldiers in the same Squadron but not the same unit. My heart still ached. Even though we have not been a part of that Squadron for over 5 years, they are still my family. Many people we care about are in that unit. Many of our memories are in that unit. We are still family. When they hurt, we hurt. We also found out there was one wounded Soldier from the same incident. He had been in the unit when we were there. We continue to pray for his recovery.
Many of us have left that unit, that brigade and even the installation, but when our family needs us, we unite. I felt such comfort knowing that my Military Family all over the world was praying and supporting my Army Family there at Hood.

The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, is in its loyalty to each other.

More Tragedy at Fort Hood

Not only at Fort Hood but everywhere around the Army. It's all over the news, the suicides of four Soldiers at Hood over this past weekend. We also had one here at Fort Leonard Wood. It's devastating. I pay close attention to the Department of Defense Casualty List. I am often questioned as to why I do that and it's because I feel our Fallen deserve the moments I spend reading their names and learning a little bit about who they are. Suicides don't always make it to the front of any pages. But it's becoming more and more common and it is really heartbreaking.

There was a lot of talk about the suicides at Hood this past weekend and it made me so sad. I became sadder when I read the names and found out one of them was someone we actually knew. Kevin served with him for a while and I worked with him as an FRG leader while the brigade was deployed. It just makes me so sad because it is so unexpected and we are left wondering why?

As you can see the common theme for this post is sad. The Army is trying hard to get visibility about help for those who feel this is their only option. We are praying for all the families who are affected by acts like this. And today our hearts are heavy for the family of our friend, despite the action that took his life, he is a Hero who served his country with pride and courage.

Huh?

That's how I feel. Still after a couple days, I am still in disbelief at the events that occurred at Fort Hood. I'm a mix of sadness and anger. I've tried to stay away from the media because I find that it makes me angry. There are many things I am disappointed about. I'm disappointed about those who are just stepping forward to say "oh I always wondered about him". Yeah, now? A little too late don't you think? I'm mad about those who think that PTSD is contagious...(go HERE to read an excellent post on the matter). I'm extremely disappointed in how our CinC reacted or rather his lack of reaction. I do admire former President Bush and his wife for their visit without the fanfare to the wounded and their families.
I have a lot of thoughts on the matter, oh trust me my brain has gone through many scenarios and what ifs. Of course, in the end, I'm one of those helpless fools who can only grieve and offer prayers of support.

I'd like to share some blogs that express some of what I am feeling. *WARNING- some may display explicit language*

A wolf in sheepdog's clothing

My Opinion This Morning

And last is a wonderful article by a Muslim Soldier currently serving in Iraq

In Iraq, the Fort Hood attack hit home

I'd like to point out that there were many heroes that day. Many Soldiers who performed the Army Values to a "T". They displayed selfless service and loyalty. That ladies and gentlemen is what a true Soldier does. Obviously the man wearing the uniform that day who brought harm to others who wear the same colors did not know the meaning of LDRSHIP.

God Bless Fort Hood

Tonight as I write this entry, my heart is sad.

One month ago today, we drove out of the very gates at Fort Hood that have been seen all over the world. We may have left Fort Hood physically, but it remains very much a part of our lives.

I still can't believe that there was this horrific tragedy there. I cannot believe one of our own has killed. I am sad and I am angry.

I have spent much of the afternoon/evening on the phone with my family there. Yes, I said family. One of the blessings of being in the military is acquiring all the extended family. And tonight, someone hurt my family.

I talked to my friends who were separated from their kids for hours. I talked to my friends who were in lock down in different buildings. I cannot imagine their fear, I just know the fear I had in my heart and in my soul.

The boys were worried about their friends. One who got home at 8:28 p.m., that's insane!!!

I will not give any attention to the jerk who did this, there will be plenty anyway from the media.

When the names of the victims are released, I will honor them.

To my Fort Hood family...my heart, my thoughts, my soul is with you tonight.