362 Days DONE

 Take that Korea Tour!  We are DONE!  I thought this day would NEVER come.  Seriously, this separation was hard in so many ways but we survived!  The boys and I were excited to head to the airport to pick up our Soldier.  I think we were all a little nervous, excited, overwhelmed...you know all those emotions that flutter through your body at the same time.  One thing for certain though, we were READY to be reunited and not have to look over our shoulders constantly waiting to send him back.

We barely got to the airport on time because he told us his plane was arriving almost 40 minutes later than it actually did.  We took advantage of driving to the "big" city to get the boys some school shoes and were only in the mall for about 20 minutes but had we lingered even a few minutes longer we would have missed Kevin walking down the security ramp.

The boys were all about making signs but then got a bit self-conscious when we got to the airport and they realized that it was slightly different than standing with hundreds of other families on a field or in a gym on post.  Michael didn't care and once they saw their dad, the other boys didn't care either.  Kevin started crying as soon as he saw us which made people watching us start to cry.  I guess they were confused until they read the signs the boys had because Kevin wasn't in uniform. 

It felt so good to be together again.  Now I just have to remember that homecoming is an event and reintegration is a process!  Happy Days for now...The Albrecht Squad is reunited!!!

The Journey Comes to an End

So I'm sitting here trying to ignore the beep of the washing machine, my mind is overwhelmed by the thoughts that in a few short days our family will be reunited!

To say I'm excited is an understatement.  I thought it might be different than the homecoming from a combat deployment, but surprisingly the emotions are much the same.  This past year has been more challenging than I thought it would be.  At times it has been very lonely.  While I have had a wonderful support system from my friends, it has been weird not being attached to a unit.  I never knew what Kevin was doing until he told me.  Even though he sent me pictures, I still only have a vague idea of what his living quarters were really like.  I don't know any of the people he worked with.  After being so intertwined in his career, this was odd.  Now I know that many Spouses sit back and aren't that involved and that works for them but it doesn't work for me.  I enjoy being a part of every aspect of my husband's life.

I've had to deal with a lot of things in regards to the boys on my own.  While Kevin and I talked a lot about things and he was always informed, the logistics of most everything fell on my shoulders and at times the burden was very heavy.  I got better about asking for help this past year but there are some things that you can't pass on.  At times I have felt like a failure as a mom.  I felt like my efforts weren't good enough.  I haven't always felt like I did enough to protect or advocate for my boys and that is a crushing feeling.  The curse of mommy guilt is very real.

 The lack of recognition from some organizations because my husband was "only" in Korea was shocking.  What was also surprising was that my kids weren't welcomed to certain things because of their age.  Apparently you stop missing and worrying about your Soldier at a certain age.

One of the biggest challenges I faced that surprised me was the attack on our family.  The constant criticism of my role as a stay-at-home mom.  I've been a SAHM for a long time and you'd think people understood that but suddenly I was being told that my kids were old enough to stay home alone and that I didn't need to do everything for them.  People attempted to choose my priorities for me.  My family will always come first, there will never be a debate.  I love serving others but I know part of this separation was to remind me to focus on what matters most.  Michael will be leaving home next year and once he's gone begins the journey of my other boys leaving the nest.  I'm not as ready as I probably should be or could be.  I don't want to live my life with regret of missed opportunities.  I want my boys to know that I was there at their events.  I don't want my kids to be the ones searching the crowds for my face, not when I have the choice on whether to be there or not.  Some people aren't that lucky but I am.

Kevin misses a lot and I carry that guilt with me as well.  I feel so lucky to be married to someone who is so connected with his boys.  He spent many days up early or late to try and connect with the boys.  Sacrificing himself for his boys has always been a priority, I hope my boys know that.

As this chapter in our life closes and we prepare for the next one, I hope that I have learned all that the Lord wanted me too and that we are stronger as a result.  

TDT #36 - 2nd Goodbye's Suck!

One of the ways I have always done my countdowns when my  husband is away is by counting trash days.  Most of the time it isn't as daunting a number as the estimated number of days he'll be gone.  And it helps me remember to put the trash out, or rather encourage my boys to put the trash out since it's their job.  So this will be my new weekly post, and I'll just really post whatever, no real set theme.  Please feel free to join me on this adventure of counting down the time until your loved one comes home!

My Soldier's leave has ended.  He flew out yesterday and as you read this, he is probably hanging out in his room getting ready to go back to work in Korea.  We were so lucky to have an entire month and an additional 7 days because Neil got hurt (really need to post that tale).  So we really got 37 days.  It's funny because during a combat deployment you get 15-18 days and that never seemed like enough time and here we got double that and it still felt like it wasn't enough.  Right now with the shorter 9 month deployments, they don't even get any R&R.  So that being said, please acknowledge that I am very grateful for the time we got.

The reality is, my heart hurts.  I hate that we had to say goodbye...again.  It sucks because we've done this too many times.  I stood in the airport with Kevin and Daniel and as his flight began to board, I suddenly wanted to regress to a toddler and scream out, "Don't Go!".  Daniel broke down completely which doesn't help me keep my emotions in check at all.  There were two ladies standing near us who started crying when I did so that didn't help either.  I really tried hard to keep it together but it was hard.

We had a wonderful time together while Kevin was home.  It's hard integrating Kevin into our routine because he's been gone so often in our life but with 37 days to work with, it was easy to get spoiled.  If anything, it was nice to just feel complete.  It was also nice having another person in our house to make decisions and deal with the kids without the delay of a huge time difference.

When Neil got hurt, it was such a blessing to have Kevin home because even though I know I would have handled it and it would have been okay, I didn't have to.  Kevin was such a support for both me and Neil.  While it sucked that Neil got injured, it was such a blessing to see Kevin take care of him in such a tender manner.  I know Neil appreciated having his dad home during this rough time.

Michael was dealing with some things that really needed both of our support and again, I felt so blessed that Kevin was here during that time.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed when it comes to handling the day to day things of the boy's lives and when things go a different way than I imagined, I feel like I have failed.  While the things that Michael was dealing with weren't the end of the world, again it was nice to have Kevin home to love and support him through it.  Such tender mercies from the Lord.

If anyone saw a glimpse of our family together while Kevin was home, they would likely have seen Daniel joined at his hip.  Daniel rarely strayed from his daddy.  Those two have such a connection.  It's been hard for Daniel because Kevin has been gone so much of his life and then he got three years where he was home most of the time.  This has been a hard time for him.  As Kevin's leave was coming to an end, Daniel really started acting out and being mean.  It was frustrating and heartbreaking at the same time.

I realized as I watched Kevin board his plane today that I'm done.  I have loved this lifestyle and everything it has given me.  It has been a roller coaster ride for sure and the journey has been pretty good but I'm tired of the goodbyes and separations.  I don't want to do this anymore.  When Kevin gets back from Korea, we will start preparing to retire out.  

While I know that this is where the Lord wants us to be and that separation is part of His plan, I admit that the knowledge of that doesn't ease my heart much tonight.  My boys miss their dad and I miss my husband. 

I drove home from the airport and wanted to cry.  I held back the tears until I got home and then laid in my bed and just let it all out.  I learned long ago not to hold back.  I'm not ashamed to say I cried because I love my husband and I miss him.

I always reflect back on leave in the middle of separation and often find myself saying I wish we hadn't done it because the second goodbye always hurts worse than the first, but the reality is that no matter how long he's home, I am grateful for the time we get to spend together.

So now that I have that all out, it's time to pull up the bootstraps and focus on the craziness of our summer and plan for him to come home and begin the next phase of our life!

TDT #34: The Best Night's Sleep in 7 Months!

One of the ways I have always done my countdowns when my  husband is away is by counting trash days.  Most of the time it isn't as daunting a number as the estimated number of days he'll be gone.  And it helps me remember to put the trash out, or rather encourage my boys to put the trash out since it's their job.  So this will be my new weekly post, and I'll just really post whatever, no real set theme.  Please feel free to join me on this adventure of counting down the time until your loved one comes home!

 

I love midtour leave!  We get 30 glorious days with our Soldier!  Since he's not assigned to a unit here, it will be a month of no interruption.  The week before he got here I was an emotional mess!  I was anxious and excited.  It had been 7 months since I've seen him, held him, looked straight in his face.  We've had three...yes three skype sessions in 7 months so I was so looking forward to just seeing his smiling face.  Pictures on Facebook just aren't enough to see for yourself that all is right with him.

It seemed like the weekend was the slowest EVER.  I just wanted it to be Monday already.  He would send me messages telling me he couldn't sleep either.  We were so ready to be a family together again.  I think if one more person asked me if I was excited, I might have had to hurt them.

Driving to the airport I was so excited.  The kids slept the entire way..so much for excited conversation to keep me going.  They were excited too, I love that my boys love their daddy so much.  As we waited for Kevin's plane to come in, I could tell they were all a little nervous too but didn't want to say anything.  As soon as they spotted him coming out of the gate, they all jumped up with the biggest smiles ever.  

I love that they let me me always have the first kiss and hug.  Then usually it's Daniel and then Michael and Neil get their turns.  I love how tightly they hugged their dad...no shame. 

  

 I can never get Neil to give me a real smile for pictures these days...as you can see, there is was no problem that day!

 Kevin was starving when he got home and it was late, so we found a Crackerbarrel and had our first meal together.  I loved how all the boys wanted to get 7 months of conversation in that first hour together.  I love the feeling of being complete. 

We finally got home way after midnight, but that did not stop our pups from being so excited to see Daddy too!  They love Kevin.  They were acting so crazy!

After finally getting settled and Kevin taking a shower, we all went to bed...at 3:30 in the morning!  The boys did not want to leave Kevin's side.  We did not get up until 11 a.m. and then laid around being lazy until noon.  It was so nice to feel rested and complete.  I rarely get to bed when Kevin's not home before 2 a.m. and then turn around and get up with the boys at 5 a.m.

I love how the girls didn't want to leave Kevin's side either, silly pups!

I am going to enjoy the next few weeks with my love. We are going to enjoy being together as a family.  We will cherish the moments and make memories.  Because Korea is a hardship tour and not a deployment, we had to pay for Kevin's ticket home and I will say it is worth every single penny!

Kev was surprised at how much all the boys had grown since he left.  Here is a picture from the day he left and the day he got home on leave.  Yup, the boys aren't holding back on their growth spurts! 

TDT #28 - Let's Get Real

One of the ways I have always done my countdowns when my  husband is away is by counting trash days.  Most of the time it isn't as daunting a number as the estimated number of days he'll be gone.  And it helps me remember to put the trash out, or rather encourage my boys to put the trash out since it's their job.  So this will be my new weekly post, and I'll just really post whatever, no real set theme.  Please feel free to join me on this adventure of counting down the time until your loved one comes home!

I haven't done a Trash Day Tuesday post since December.  The last one was around week 18 and after counting up, I realize it has now been 28 trash days since Kevin left to Korea.  It's not because I haven't had much to say...in fact that couldn't be further from the truth.  I have just been processing a lot of stuff lately.  We survived Christmas and it really wasn't so bad.  We headed into the new year and it all looked so promising and then we were slammed with crap.

Nothing life threatening but enough to overwhelm me for a while.  It's all good now but for a few weeks I felt like things were being thrown at me left and right.  Most of it was emotional.  I was pretty angry and vulnerable and I don't do well asking for help or really talking to people until AFTER the fact.  That's just how I am, I am a deep processor.  I also don't like airing my business.  I don't feel the need for all of that and it draws serious unwanted attention.

Kevin has been an amazing support, but it's hard being separated by 6800 miles.  He is very much a part of our lives and I am grateful that I get to talk to him and seek his counsel.  I am not walking this journey alone by any  means, I just get to do a lot of the physical work alone.

All that being said, I want to be real.  We are surviving this separation but it isn't without it's challenges.  My kids miss their dad...plain and simple.  It is hurtful to them when people come up and say that it's no big deal because it's "only" Korea.  Even I am guilty of saying that and I did not realize how it was harming my kids.  Gone is gone.  It is also hurtful to them when you tell me, in front of them, that it is so much easier to deal with Kevin being gone because they are older and they understand.  Wrong.  They understand that their dad is gone during their first year of high school, during their first year driving, during the year that one will turn 12 and advance in church.  They understand that their dad is 15 hours ahead and it's difficult because of school, activities and their dad's job to talk on a regular basis.  They understand that people say things like...well at least he's not in Afghanistan and it hurts them because again...gone is gone.  They do not feel as supported because where their dad is isn't as "dangerous" as where someone else's parent is.  They aren't the ones doing the comparing but they are dealing with the emotions of it.  It also doesn't help when you come to them and tell them what you hear on the news about North Korea trying to send bombs somewhere.  Not helpful at all.

I have a great support system here and I will be the first person to admit that I probably do not use them as much as they would like me to but that's just me.  I'm getting better but I'm trying to do the best I can for my family.  I did reach out to some friends about a couple things that have been going on and I feel so much better.

Neil had a breakdown a couple weeks ago.  It was a rough night.  It's simple..he's 14, he misses his dad.  It happens.  Sometimes we need a breakdown to build back up and move forward.  I had to go into the school and get his IEP straightened out.  I have a teacher who is far from stellar and wasn't following the guidelines.  I'm not a parent who is going to just sit idly by as you screw over my kid because it's not convenient for you.  I'll do my part if you do yours.  I got him moved out of a class and got criticized by the teacher.  That attitude is the reason why I no longer wanted my kid around you, just saying.

Daniel did a stupid thing by taking an eraser and burning the inside of his wrist with it because he was bored.  He did it ONCE.  I had to take him to the doctor  to get a note for wrestling saying it wasn't some infectious skin disease.  I know my kid, he wasn't trying to harm himself but the doctor who knew him for 5 minutes was convinced that he was seriously depressed and was involved in a new form of cutting and told me that I needed to take him to a psychiatrist.  She told me he was emotionless when talking to her and she didn't like the answers she was getting from him.  Again...I know my kid.  I humored her by taking him to the psychiatrist and wasted 3 hours of my life that I will never get back.  Filling out the ridiculous packet angered me because I knew my kid was okay.  He had a dumb moment.  Daniel is far from stoic.  However, if he doesn't know you, he's not going to talk to you, especially when it's in an interrogating manner.  The end result of that three hours of wasted time was the psychiatrist telling me that Daniel should hang out with neighborhood kids more and play video games.  Really?  I'll pass on that advice.  The kid has lots of friends and he is dedicated to his interests right now...football, wrestling and Scouts.  Thankfully he also told me that Daniel is a kid and he did a stupid thing...no need to come back.

Michael thankfully is my most well adjusted child.  At least it appears that way.  He is the one that talks the most to me so that's always nice and I feel like he's doing pretty good.  I know he does take a lot on himself when his dad is gone and I try so hard to make sure he knows that I don't expect him to be anything but our 16 year old child.  He's a great kid and such a support to his brothers and I.

Life has been a bit crazy as you can see but we push forward because that's what we do.  We've dealt with the crazy and we refuse to be stuck there.  It's not easy to deal with or even admit but it is what it is.  I've been criticized a lot throughout the past month about not being where others thought I should be.  My family comes first...always. 

This post isn't meant to be a pity party, just me being real.  I'm not always as "fine" as I claim to be when asked, but I will eventually get there.  Right now we are great, we are blessed and we are doing the best we can.  Our life is far from perfect but we have a lot more good going on than bad and for that I am grateful. Everything is a learning experience and believe it or not I am grateful for those opportunities of growth.  

One of my fave family pictures ever. See those boys...they are stronger than people give them credit for sometimes!

TDT #18 - Blessed for Christmas

One of the ways I have always done my countdowns when my  husband is away is by counting trash days.  Most of the time it isn't as daunting a number as the estimated number of days he'll be gone.  And it helps me remember to put the trash out, or rather encourage my boys to put the trash out since it's their job.  So this will be my new weekly post, and I'll just really post whatever, no real set theme.  Please feel free to join me on this adventure of counting down the time until your loved one comes home!

 

I mentioned in my previous post it's been a challenge to feel the Christmas spirit this year.  Not only for me but for my boys too.  We don't need snow or lots of presents to feel the spirit, we just like having our family complete.  I admit, I've been pretty down and it's been frustrating for me because I try really hard to remember that there is a reason.  I have a lot of faith and trust in the Lord and I know that He truly is in control.  

When we are out and about we are fine, we serve, we smile and we're sincere in all of that but when we walk back into our home, the obvious void of  not having Kevin home is huge.  Well last night we had a wonderful evening with friends...really, it's the most relaxed the boys have been in a long time.  I feel so lucky to have amazing people in our lives who look out for us and reach out to us.   When we got home we were happy and laughing.  Daniel told me that being at the Jacobson's was both "fun and funny".  Silly boy had us laughing pretty hard for while playing Taboo.

Kevin was up already and we were chatting via Facebook chat.  Skype has not been wanting to work for us the past few days.  I love technology and I am grateful to be able to chat with him almost daily.  I can call him and we do that too but there is nothing like seeing his face and his smile.  I prayed silently that we would be able to chat via skype.  I even posted a message to Santa on my Facebook to please bring us the gift of Skype...if you only believe!

Well, we were truly blessed!  We not only connected on Skype but we were able to stay connected for almost 3 hours!  I'm telling you that we have never been able to stay connected for more than 20 minutes since Kevin has been over in Korea.  So let me tell you it was wonderful.  

He got to chat with all the boys,

 

 watched them open their traditional Christmas Eve gift which is always an ornament

 

  and got to listen to Michael play the piano which is something he really misses.

Listening to Michael play the piano...I love the look on his face.

 He even got to see the pups and they were all excited to see him!

I love that my husband humors me.  I had this idea for the past couple weeks to get screenshots of us holding up a candy cane in the shape of a heart while talking on Skype.  I had asked Kevin to find a candy cane and it just so happened he had been given one that day.  He said he was actually about to eat it when I mentioned it.  He's been holding off on eating it until last night when we were able to talk on Skype and finally get my picture.  I'm happy with the result, even if it is cheesy!

 I feel truly blessed.  I have a lot to be grateful for this year despite being apart from Kevin.  We are all healthy and happy.  We have wonderful family and friends.  I have an amazing support system and so does Kevin.  We are never alone.  We have the gospel in our lives which reminds us daily that this separation is but a short time here on earth.  We have a Savior who loves us and died for us.  We have a loving Heavenly Father who is in control and provides us with experiences that will help us grow into who He wants us to be.
There is truly nothing more that I could want for at this time of my life.  We are truly blessed.

Now I have to go wake up my boys so we can finally open presents!  From our family to yours, we wish you the Merriest of Holidays and peace and love all year round.

Kevin saying goodnight after our three glorious hours of skype!

I Love You Kevin!

Holidays are never fun without the one you love most, but at least it gives you a reason to let your love know how much you really love him!

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TDT #16 - Separation Perspective

One of the ways I have always done my countdowns when my  husband is away is by counting trash days.  Most of the time it isn't as daunting a number as the estimated number of days he'll be gone.  And it helps me remember to put the trash out, or rather encourage my boys to put the trash out since it's their job.  So this will be my new weekly post, and I'll just really post whatever, no real set theme.  Please feel free to join me on this adventure of counting down the time until your loved one comes home!

4 months down, 8 to go!  Time does seem to be going fairly quickly.  We thought it might considering how busy we stay with the boys.  I think I've done pretty well keeping it together and trying to keep things in perspective.  I'm not going to lie, I have had my moments.  What is interesting is most of those moments come at the hands of people reaching out to me.  I know they mean well and I appreciate their love and support but it makes me vulnerable and I don't always know how to deal with that.  This past Sunday one of the new  members of our ward stopped me just to see how I was doing.  It caught me off guard and seriously made me want to cry right then and there.  Thankfully I kept my emotions in check but it's a little crazy.

I try really hard not to make a big deal out of this separation (outside my blog that is...it seems to be all I talk about here).  I know so many families who are enduring separation due to combat deployments and don't feel that this even compares.  I also know that there are many people who are separated for the rest of their time here on earth and so it reminds me that this separation is but a short time in the big scheme of things.

I'm not going to say I do well at it all the time.  I certainly have my moments when I want to break down.  It's hard going and doing things with the boys and feeling the void.  It's also hard to watch the boys wrestle and know they are missing their dad.  I can't tell you how wonderful everyone has been to us in the high school and club programs.  So many people reaching out to the boys.  It is very overwhelming to me.  At times I can hardly breathe because I'm holding back the tears.

I can honestly say that I have never felt such support in my life and it is what makes things so much easier.  It helps me keep things in perspective by sending me these little reminders that my Heavenly Father has not forgotten me and that He is aware of the times I need a little extra TLC, as does my boys and my husband.  Kevin received the sweetest message from one of the families in our ward on Sunday.  I am tearing up just thinking about it.  Another sweet reminder that He is in control and aware of our spiritual and temporal needs.

Today I attended the funeral of an amazing man our family was able to meet and connect with at church.  He is a World War II, Korea & Vietnam war veteran.  Oh how I loved to chat with him.  Him and Kevin really connected and Kevin had promised to bring him pictures of what Korea looks like now.  Unfortunately, he was unable to bring them back and show them to him but I know Bishop Rickert is looking down and seeing what has become of the country he only knew in war time.

Sitting there and listening to what was said about his life, especially the parts about him serving in three wars where contact was limited and the casualty rate was high, it reminded me yet again how blessed Kevin and I are. We are apart but we get to speak almost daily.  I know he is safe.  He is sleeping in a warm bed at night and has food and shelter.  

There are aspects of this separation that have been difficult and I am not going to lie, I have shed some tears over it but I also know the blessings that have come because of it.  My goal is to keep things in perspective or the next eight months so I can focus on whatever it is the Lord would have me learn.

I truly am grateful for this separation and the opportunity our family has to learn and grow from the experiences laid before us.

Perspective

I have been in quite the mood this past week.  It's been quite annoying...I can barely stand myself.  I feel like I am in a real bah humbug mode.  It's hard to break out of it, even though I'm aware of it.  I know a lot of it has to do with Kevin being gone and just missing him.  I have really awesome friends and I love that they want to include our family but even with that I am struggling.  I'm over feeling bad about him being alone as he reminded me quite eloquently that he is NOT alone and never is.  This was his Facebook status yesterday:

I am very thankful during this holiday season for my family. They have stood by me no matter what. I am thankful for my eternal companion who gives selflessly to our family and others. Grateful for another family who watches over mine while I am away. I am not alone on this holiday, my heart is full of the pure love of Christ who gave selflessly for all. Thank you all for watching over me and my family. I love you all!

I'm a lucky girl and I really  need to work harder to remember that.  He had a wonderful Thanksgiving meal at the mess hall with his KATUSAs.  He really enjoyed spending that time with them AND he got a great meal.  He was still full hours later. 

On Thanksgiving Day he will be getting together with a co-worker and some other Soldiers and have some type of Island feast...whatever that means.  He is making chili to take...I mean, he can only do so much with a crock-pot, microwave, electric skillet and a George Foreman grill, LOL.

It sucks being apart for holidays but we still are so fortunate to be able to chat and Skype if we want to.  I am reminded of my best friend LaNita who is without her love and will never get to spend another holiday with him.  I am also reminded that my dear friends, the Phillips, are burying their daughter this week.  I am heartbroken. 

I need to remember that it's all about perspective and gratitude and I need to have more of both.

I will end this entry with another status from my amazing husband:


"Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse."
- Henry Van Dyke

TDT #14 - Holidays

One of the ways I have always done my countdowns when my  husband is away is by counting trash days.  Most of the time it isn't as daunting a number as the estimated number of days he'll be gone.  And it helps me remember to put the trash out, or rather encourage my boys to put the trash out since it's their job.  So this will be my new weekly post, and I'll just really post whatever, no real set theme.  Please feel free to join me on this adventure of counting down the time until your loved one comes home!

We are approaching our first major holiday since Kevin left to Korea.  And I'm not going to lie...it sucks.  If it weren't for wonderful friends, I would probably order my kids pizza and watch movies all day.  Okay, that's not true...I'd at least take them to the dining facility and then come home and watch movies all day!  Seriously, the Army Dining  Facility is one of the best places to go and eat...I promise...try it out sometime!

When I think back, Kevin and I have spent more Thanksgivings apart than together.  It's crappy.  This time is so different though.  At least the times he's been deployed or off doing training, he had a hundred of his closest buddies to eat and enjoy the day with.  In Korea, he is all alone.  When I asked him what he was going to do for Thanksgiving, he said he might make some turkey soup.  My heart immediately broke.  I can't let myself think too much about him being alone because it makes me cry...a lot.

We knew this separation was going to be challenging, but I didn't anticipate all the emotions that I would get caught up in.  I have received such amazing support here and at times I feel so guilty that Kevin is off alone in another country.  He will still get a Thanksgiving meal, he is going to the CG's Mess and having dinner there for the wonderful price of $5!  So he will get to eat some of the traditional grub.

Let me stop right here and mention that there is a wonderful family in Korea that has taken Kevin in and fed him many meals.  We knew them when they were stationed here in Missouri.  I don't want to take anything away from their generosity.  Kevin feels blessed to have them in Korea and that he gets to spend time with them as much as he does.

I know that the actual day will be a challenge for me and I am going to try hard to keep my emotions in check.  Kevin constantly reminds me that these times apart are but a short time in eternity and I just need to remember that.

TDT #10 - Your Kids Are Too Old

One of the ways I have always done my countdowns when my  husband is away is by counting trash days.  Most of the time it isn't as daunting a number as the estimated number of days he'll be gone.  And it helps me remember to put the trash out, or rather encourage my boys to put the trash out since it's their job.  So this will be my new weekly post, and I'll just really post whatever, no real set theme.  Please feel free to join me on this adventure of counting down the time until your loved one comes home!

 There are numerous organizations out there that work really hard to support families of deployed Service members and families that are separated due to hardship tours.  I am really grateful for them and their support...when they include my kids.  Apparently, for some organizations, your kids have to fit a certain age bracket to receive any of their services or products.  Apparently, when you reach a certain age, you are no longer affected by separation and have no need for little extra's to get you through.

I recently submitted my boys for a couple different things and was met with a reply that my kids were too old.  Nowhere on their websites does it state ages.  I even add special comments explaining our situation and acknowledging that my kids are a bit older but are still struggling with this situation.  They need additional TLC too.

I'm not trying to take anything away from anyone.  My kids miss their dad just as much as the younger kids.  We are blessed with technology but even with that, they don't get to talk to their dad daily because of the big time difference.  I selected these two particular organizations because what they would be providing would be something that would mean something to all of my boys.  But because they apparently don't have feelings after a certain age, we were declined.

Please don't think I'm trying to sound entitled, of course we don't need anything, we are okay.  I'm just saying, please don't forget about the older children, they could benefit too from feeling extra special. 

Tell me these faces don't say that they love and miss their dad just as much as the next kid and that goodbyes still suck, no matter how old you are.

TDT #4 - Call Me Maybe?

One of the ways I have always done my countdowns when my  husband is away is by counting trash days.  Most of the time it isn't as daunting a number as the estimated number of days he'll be gone.  And it helps me remember to put the trash out, or rather encourage my boys to put the trash out since it's their job.  So this will be my new weekly post, and I'll just really post whatever, no real set theme.  Please feel free to join me on this adventure of counting down the time until your loved one comes home!

I'm sure we have all heard the song "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen or seen some video made to the song (my favorite is still the US Soldiers version).  As I thought about what I wanted to write this week, that line came into my head.  Communication is so important in life, and in today's society such a lifeline for us.  We literally have communication at our very fingertips.  During early deployments/separations, we had communication at our fingertips...in the way of using a pen and writing on paper.  Times are so different now.  When Kevin was preparing to leave we tried to figure out how we were going to communicate.  Would he get internet?  Would he buy a Korean phone?  Would he take his phone and could we get a reasonable international plan?  Would he utilize the library or just take a bit of time and email from work during lunch breaks?  Would we just rely on phone cards (you still remember what those are, right?).  What would we do!  There were so many options it was almost overwhelming.

Along with talking about how we would communicate, we tried to set realistic expectations for how often.  I talk to a lot of Military Spouses and with technology being so wonderful and blessing us with instant access, we get spoiled.  I recently had a conversation with a spouse who told me that her and her husband talk multiple times a day while he is in Afghanistan and it bothered her that she didn't enjoy it.  She felt like they didn't have much to talk about because they spoke too often.  Is too much communication a bad thing?  Well I think you have to figure that out for yourselves.  I can honestly say that Kevin and I have never been so lucky to talk every single day.  And to be honest, I'm glad.  I don't need to talk to him daily, in fact it would overwhelm me.  I already try hard to remember the things to share with him that I feel are significant, I don't know if I could handle the pressure of feeling like I needed to give him something every single time he called.

Don't get me wrong, I want to hear his voice, I want to "chat" with him and I especially want to see him via Skype just as much as the next spouse.  But if you feel like it's too much multiple times a day or even daily, that's okay too.  There is such a thing as too much of a good thing for some people.  You have to communicate about communication and build realistic expectations for yourselves.

Currently Kevin is 14 hours ahead of us.  During the work week and school week that time difference makes it challenging for us to link up.  The boys have activities going on and they are getting up early and I'm getting up with them.  The first couple weeks he was gone, I was staying up way past midnight to talk to him and suffering the next day.  He never wants that for me.  And on the same note, we agreed early on in our marriage that he would not sacrifice sleep or food to communicate with me.  That's what works for us.  I need to know first and foremost that he is healthy and safe.  Korea is obviously different than a deployment to the Middle East so take into consideration the different places, time difference and what will work for your families.  There are times Kevin stays up a little later so he can talk to the boys.  There are times I get the boys up a little earlier so they can hear their dad's voice.  There is sacrifice that does need to be made, you have to figure out exactly what that means for your family.

Keep in mind that healthy communication doesn't just mean a phone call.  Tangible reminders are great too.  We use G.I. Stanley as a form of communication.  We know what dad is doing by the pictures he takes and emails or posts to his Facebook.  I am teaching my boys the art of snail mail.  I mean who doesn't love getting mail that isn't a bill or junk?  It doesn't have to be lengthy.  Find a quote you like and write quickly what stood out to you about it.  Have your kids draw pictures or draw a picture yourself.  Take a picture and print it.  Sure you can email, text or post it on Facebook but I know my husband likes to hang the pictures on his wall.  Remember, tangible reminders.  Send programs from games with a snapshot of a football play.  Copy a music program with a picture of your child and their instrument or singing.

There are so many ideas out there but overall find something that works for your family and remember to build realistic expectations.  Nothing is worse than being disappointed in each other when you're thousands of miles apart and not sure when you'll get to talk next.  Prepare yourself for silence and embrace when you hear the voice of your loved one on the other end of the phone line or computer.

This is the second time that we have seen Kevin since he left.  We were grateful this night to be able to do our evening family prayer "together".

TDT #3- G.I. Stanley

One of the ways I have always done my countdowns when my  husband is away is by counting trash days.  Most of the time it isn't as daunting a number as the estimated number of days he'll be gone.  And it helps me remember to put the trash out, or rather encourage my boys to put the trash out since it's their job.  So this will be my new weekly post, and I'll just really post whatever, no real set theme.  Please feel free to join me on this adventure of counting down the time until your loved one comes home!

Today I would like to introduce you to a close friend of our family's!  This is G.I. Stanley!

Read more about G.I. Stanley on his blog!

We love G.I. Stanley, he has been on  many adventures.  What I want to share with my Military Families specifically but anyone who has to deal with any type of separation is how wonderful having our own Flat Stanley has been. 

G.I. Stanley came about when I was helping a good friend of mine who was a 4th grade teacher start a  Deployment Club at the elementary school our boys attended.  We came up with the idea to use Flat Stanley's as a way for our kids to learn about where their Soldier parents were and to help ease the fears that are often created by the media.  We sent our own Stanley off to Iraq with Kevin to kick off the project.  It sparked a great project for many families and was a great tool to keep them connected and it helped ease the kid's fears in so many ways.  To be able to see where their parents worked, played, ate and to see the countries they were in.

Since then we have used G.I. Stanley and his buddies Cub Scout Stanley and Boy Scout Stanley as a way to introduce many of our non-Military friends to our lifestyle.  (We have three Stanleys because my kids couldn't decide on one design so they each made their own.)  While G.I. Stanley will be the main adventurer, you may see the other two pop in every now and again.

When Kevin got orders to Korea we immediately knew that the Stanleys were going to go with him.  Even though my boys are older, they still love the adventures of our Stanleys and look forward to the pictures that Kevin sends back.  It also helps to encourage Kevin to incorporate us into his life over there.

G.I. Stanley has his own blog and so if you want to follow his adventures, you can bookmark his page!  We hope you will and even if you don't, perhaps this project is something you can use to help cope with separations in your family!

TDT #2 - Korea vs Combat Deployment

One of the ways I have always done my countdowns when my  husband is away is by counting trash days.  Most of the time it isn't as daunting a number as the estimated number of days he'll be gone.  And it helps me remember to put the trash out, or rather encourage my boys to put the trash out since it's their job.  So this will be my new weekly post, and I'll just really post whatever, no real set theme.  Please feel free to join me on this adventure of counting down the time until your loved one comes home!

So as we head into the third week of our separation, I want to talk a little about how different a one year unaccompanied tour to Korea is than heading off to a combat zone like Iraq or Afghanistan.  It's been very interesting so far.  Remember, we have done Korea before but we were both in the Army and  and were eventually able to bring Michael over to join us.

While I am talking about Korea specifically because this is what we are going through this is similar to other hardship tours and assignments our troops go on as individual augmentees.

I thought I was prepared emotionally for this separation.  As anyone who has been reading knows, I have had nice little chats with myself about it just being Korea.  Over the past couple weeks I have to say that my emotions have been a bit out of whack in regards to this being apart and I figured out some of the reasons why.

• I have no unit support from his gaining unit.  In most cases there was always someone I could reach out to for information of any kind.  I have nothing.  For the first week and a half, Kevin had no idea where he was going.  He sat on one camp day after day just waiting.  It was so frustrating.  I knew he was in Korea somewhere and I knew what camp he was on.  That is it.  I let my irrational mind get the best of me some times when I think about the "what if's".  If I had an emergency and had to call Red Cross, I would have this basic information:  Rank, Name, SSN and the camp he is at.  That's it.  And believe me when I say that when you call Red Cross they want more than that!

• There is no real official support here for the boys and I.  The one program that was set up for families like us is dormant.  Even when questioned about it, the response was "We're too busy to keep that going."  Thanks for the support peeps!  (But never fear, I have lots of ideas in my mind to fix this little problem!)

• Because he PCS'd there, he has no ties to any unit here therefore we're in this alone.  There is no one to ask if they have heard from their Soldier.  There's no checking to see online if someone posted from the same unit so you know all was well.  When he arrived in Korea, I had to wait for him to call me.  There was no official information flow to let us know that he was okay and would contact us when he could.

• Because we chose not to apply for command sponsorship, we are treated by many as if we chose this "difficult" situation and "we don't feel sorry for you."  I assure you I'm not asking for any type of sympathy and neither are my boys.

•  There was no ramp up for him leaving.  No briefings, no get-togethers, no big sends off.  As far as this installation is concerned, he was very much an individual leaving and was treated as if he was gone before he even signed out of FLW.  Somewhat disheartening for sure. 

• Lots of extra expenses.  This one actually surprised me quite a bit!   If we want to communicate the expense is ridiculous.  For internet or phone it's going to cost a pretty penny.  Internet in Iraq was pretty expensive too, and we paid for the luxury and will do so again.  Even though he is only living in a room, we are living in two different households.  I have always known that his separate rations are for him alone as a Soldier and so that isn't an issue, however, the cost of him eating in  Korea, if he were to eat in the dining facility every day would be more than he is allotted in his BAS. And while he will be receiving COLA to help balance things out, that doesn't kick in for at least 30 days.  He currently only has a microwave to cook with in his room.  He can be creative and will be.  Eventually, when his stuff arrives, he'll have a crockpot and electric skillet to utilize as well.

• He will be receiving some additional pay but it's not as much as people like to believe and if you think about the extra expenses of an additional phone plan, extra money for meals, transportation fees if he wants to go anywhere plus the cost of packages and stuff we will be sending from here, there goes your extra money.  He didn't even get issued bedding to use while waiting for his household good to arrive.  So many little expenses that just add up.  I think of new and young (in experience) families who may be separated and wonder if the separation is stressful for them.

• It's not a deployment so people don't validate that separation sucks regardless of where your Soldier is.  "Oh it's just Korea", "At least it's not Afghanistan."  "You're lucky".  While those statements are true, it's not really the things we want to hear.

I know that sounds like I'm complaining, but I'm not.  I just want to point out some differences that I've noticed.

What I have going for me is a great support system.  I have amazing people from my church (really, I cannot say enough about them) and I have great people that I have met through all of my volunteer work.  We are not alone in any sense of the word but I feel bad for anyone who doesn't have support like I do.

It's not a combat deployment and there are significant differences, but if you know a family dealing with a hardship tour like Korea, reach out to them.  Let them know that someone cares.

And to all my Military friends who have endured a similar hardship tour, I am sorry I wasn't more supportive.

His Smile

Finally, after 15 days I got to "see" my husband again.  He has super slow internet right now but I am still grateful for the poor picture and limited time I got to chat with him on a video chat.  It's amazing how much just seeing his smile comforts me.

One Week Down: Personal Revelation

KLSmith Photography

Have you ever just glanced at your kids and thought...I really love them!  I found myself doing that at church today and felt completely overwhelmed at the feelings in my heart.  It's been a rough week for us.  We're not falling apart by any  means, but trying to figure out our new normal is taking a bit of time.

I was trying to figure out why this transition was so difficult this time around.  In the past it wasn't so hard.  I started wondering if it was because the kids were older, was it because we are busier?  What was making this so hard?  I'm an over analyzer, I will dwell on it forever until I figure out my answer or at least get something that appeases me for the moment.  It was really bothering me.  I finally figured it out this morning.  Not having Kevin around this past week was HUGE, it was very obvious.  In the past, Kevin has not been home much at all.  Between field exercises, deployment, drill sergeant duty and just regular work, he was rarely home.  We went over 6 years without a 4-day weekend (I promise, I'm not exaggerating).  The past three years have been such a blessing, I considered myself pretty spoiled by Army wife standards in the respect of how much time we had with Kevin.  He had leadership who really let him focus on his family.  He was available, physically and emotionally.  Something that took us a year to get used to (2010 was a bit rough for us).  Once we figured out the balance, we were able to enjoy being a family.

Daniel was without his dad for almost all of the first eight years of his life.  The past three years have really helped him bond with his daddy.  If Kevin was somewhere, Daniel wasn't too far behind.  This week has been really rough on him.  It's been trying to find a balance of giving him the compassion he needs without letting too much go without some firm discipline.  I heard a great message today at church that I really feel is an answer to my prayers in regards to how to handle Daniel.  Love him.  It's simple.

Neil handles these things differently.  He does not do change well.  I try hard to just keep him balanced with routine.  With school getting ready to start, that is going to help him so much.  He is not a huge talker and is rather comfortable keeping his emotions to himself.  I respect his boundaries but as a mother I still need to know he's okay.  Sports have been such a blessing for us in regards to him.  He is able to really put all of his energy into what needs to be done in sports.  It's a great venue to channel his emotions through.  I make a lot of exceptions for him in regards to how involved he can be.  I know it will bless him to give him every opportunity to grow as a wrestler and football player because I have received the answers that it will help him overall to become the man I want him to be.  I am grateful for that.

Michael, my sweet Michael.  I am forever grateful for this tender, kind-hearted boy that the Lord blessed me with first.  Kevin and I have tried so hard his entire life to not put the burden of him being the oldest on him.  We never want him to feel that he is expected to be the man of the house while his dad is away.  Michael, however, does that on his own.  He wants so much to help our family in every way he can.  He has such a willing heart to serve our family, his friends and anyone who has need.  He has been such a source of strength for me this week.  His example and his love have been so valuable.  I have been reminded softly by the Spirit to just let him help because it his desire to do so.

As far as for me, I have already received some of the answers as to why this separation was placed in our lives.  During my walks this week, I have really been working on clearing my mind and just thinking.  I normally keep a really busy schedule.  The past three years I have been really involved in our community.  Kevin being home made it easy for me to go out and do what I wanted, it really allowed me the flexibility to go and do.  I am so grateful for that time and have no regrets to the time I committed to doing what I love.  I knew with him leaving I would have to really prioritize and adjust my schedule.  I made the decision to take August off and be with the boys as we transitioned into the next year.  Initially I had a lot of guilt about that.  I felt like I was letting down organizations I had committed my time to.  I won't lie and say I still don't have moments where I feel that way but what I realized this past week is that if an organization can't respect me for prioritizing my family then it's not something I want to be a part of.

My boys aren't fully dependent on me anymore.  They don't need me to feed them, change them or help them with too much in the physical sense but what I realized is that need me to be present for them emotionally.  I have had a great time this past week just being with them.  The small chats on the drives to the store or the smiles I get when they walk past me in the kitchen.  Those are the moments that I am meant to have, those are what is most important right now.  As I was praying silently this morning and doing some repenting over some of my reactions to things that happened this past week out of frustration, I got a very clear message in regards to my boys; be there for them, be present emotionally.

My boys may not be as small as in the picture above and they may not need tending to like required at 1, 4 and 6, but their sweet spirits need lots of nourishing that only I can provide.

I feel like I've really grown this past week.  While I know that this separation will have it's difficult moments, I'm excited to see what else is in store for us individually and as a family.  The Lord truly does provide and He is mindful of us and what we need and for that I am truly grateful.

P.S.  I didn't really update about Kevin's journey in the past week.  Most of it consisted of a long plane ride, lots of walking, lots of waiting...more waiting...more waiting and then oh yes, more waiting.  He is not at his final destination yet and our communication is sparse right now but he is doing well.  We still feel strongly as a couple that this is what the rest of 2012 and most of 2013 is meant to be for us and we look forward to whatever is in store.