As I was sitting this morning writing in my journal, I started to replay yesterday. It was a great day for the most part but I admit I had a few hours where I felt completely overwhelmed with emotion over something that could be considered silly. I went to a dear friend's homecoming to take pictures and then got home and was so excited to go through them and get them uploaded for her when I opened my camera and saw that there was no SD card. I was DEVASTATED, to say the least. I cried, I was so heartbroken. Thankfully Kevin had been with me and took some great video and I was still able to put together a video but I was still so upset.
Later I finally sent a text to my friend to let her know what had happened and how sorry I was. She was so forgiving (as I expected her to be even though I still felt horrible).
I started to analyze what made me so upset about this that it brought me to laying in my bed in tears. It comes down to all the emotions tied into this lifestyle. I wanted to capture a precious moment for them and didn't. But as I reflected some more I thought back to yesterday morning as I arrived at the gym where the homecoming was held and remembered the flood of memories that hit me as I walked in the door. I have pictures from the last few homecomings for our family but what I fail to remember is the memories that are etched forever in my heart. They are still as clear as if yesterday was my own homecoming. I remember the smiles, the tears, the feelings. I remember it all and while it has been a blessing to come across a picture every now and again, I can pull up those memories whenever I want. I hope the same can be true for my sweet friends.
And if not, at least we were able to get this short video for them. I love you Lopez Family, thank you for allowing me to share in your special moments.
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 09, 2013
Friday, June 07, 2013
Hurt Feelings
Today I cried. I hate when things get to me to the point where I suddenly feel alone, attacked and lost. Today didn't start out like that, it was actually a pretty good day until late afternoon when I checked my email. I was pretty taken aback by what I read and then the day went down from there.
I dislike when situations have me second guessing myself. I don't feel that I was wrong in any of these situations. Perhaps I had moments where I let emotions get the best of me but overall the way I was attacked was wrong. Having my character and feelings questioned was hurtful. I was angry then sad and then just felt defeated.
I had to get a good cry in and then I prayed....a lot. I prayed for forgiveness for anything I may have done wrong, I prayed for clarity to see my part in these situations and I prayed for the courage to get through these. I'm a big person on confrontation and sometimes it's a huge thing so I prayed to be able to hold myself back.
I'm human, I have feelings and sometimes they get hurt. Today was one of those days. I happened to come across a great quote that brought me great relief and release. I know this quote is true for those who come into my life and vice versa, for those who's lives I cross into.
"Your lives, your friendships, your marriages, your families, your neighbors and coworkers currently constitute the sample of humanity which God has given you. We are each other’s clinical material, and we make a mistake when we disregard that sober fact. No wonder, therefore, we feel stress at times. … Now, you are going to have days when people make a large draft on your patience, when they lay claim to your long-suffering that you may feel they don’t quite deserve. This is part of the chemistry that goes on in discipleship if we are serious about it, as we constitute each other’s clinical material.” Neal A. Maxwell
I dislike when situations have me second guessing myself. I don't feel that I was wrong in any of these situations. Perhaps I had moments where I let emotions get the best of me but overall the way I was attacked was wrong. Having my character and feelings questioned was hurtful. I was angry then sad and then just felt defeated.
I had to get a good cry in and then I prayed....a lot. I prayed for forgiveness for anything I may have done wrong, I prayed for clarity to see my part in these situations and I prayed for the courage to get through these. I'm a big person on confrontation and sometimes it's a huge thing so I prayed to be able to hold myself back.
I'm human, I have feelings and sometimes they get hurt. Today was one of those days. I happened to come across a great quote that brought me great relief and release. I know this quote is true for those who come into my life and vice versa, for those who's lives I cross into.
"Your lives, your friendships, your marriages, your families, your neighbors and coworkers currently constitute the sample of humanity which God has given you. We are each other’s clinical material, and we make a mistake when we disregard that sober fact. No wonder, therefore, we feel stress at times. … Now, you are going to have days when people make a large draft on your patience, when they lay claim to your long-suffering that you may feel they don’t quite deserve. This is part of the chemistry that goes on in discipleship if we are serious about it, as we constitute each other’s clinical material.” Neal A. Maxwell
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Canceled Hotel Reservations
I didn't know canceling a hotel reservation could be so hard. We always try to book hotels well in advance for big tournaments because when we travel as far as we do, you have to book early. I had reservations made for all three state series tournaments months in advance. This morning, I called to cancel the reservations for next few weeks.
Yesterday was our district tournament for club wrestling. We knew going in that it was going to be a tough road for Daniel to get to state as he had a pretty full bracket. He has struggled this year, being in the bottom of his bracket as one of the youngest kids so we knew he was going to have to fight really hard. And he fought his little heart out and still came up just short. The top six of each bracket got to move on to regionals and Daniel finished 7th.
I cannot begin to tell you how my heart broke after his 4th match and second loss that would end his journey to state. I couldn't even go near him, I had to let him go off and cry alone and with his brother. I knew there was nothing I could say in that moment that would make him feel better. I knew that because in that moment, there was nothing that anyone could say to me to make me feel better. I was pretty heartbroken for him. I wanted to cry and I held it in for a while.
It really sucked because I was taking the money and preparing our club roster to turn in with the names of the kids who would be advancing. It was a bitter pill to swallow as I wrote down kids who didn't win a match that day but still got to advance because there were less than six kids in their bracket. It took me quite a while before I could cross Daniel's name of the roster and when I did, I cried. It simply sucks when your kid has to learn that sometimes like just isn't fair.
That being said, I am so proud of Daniel! He never stopped working hard this season. He never mentioned the word quit. Yes, he had some very disappointing tournaments but unlike some of the kids we know...he didn't just stop coming because he lost, he kept going back! He tried his best and he poured his soul into every match. No one can deny that Daniel has heart and if that had been enough, he would be on the medal stand at state.
I also love that Daniel supported his team so well. He was always going and watching other kids and cheering them on. I wish more of the kids on our team would do that for each other but I'm so grateful for Daniel and his desire to be a good teammate. I also love that he always wanted to hug the kids that he beat. He always walked them off the mat telling them what a good job they did. It makes me proud to know that he has good sportsmanship.
Yesterday was our district tournament for club wrestling. We knew going in that it was going to be a tough road for Daniel to get to state as he had a pretty full bracket. He has struggled this year, being in the bottom of his bracket as one of the youngest kids so we knew he was going to have to fight really hard. And he fought his little heart out and still came up just short. The top six of each bracket got to move on to regionals and Daniel finished 7th.
I cannot begin to tell you how my heart broke after his 4th match and second loss that would end his journey to state. I couldn't even go near him, I had to let him go off and cry alone and with his brother. I knew there was nothing I could say in that moment that would make him feel better. I knew that because in that moment, there was nothing that anyone could say to me to make me feel better. I was pretty heartbroken for him. I wanted to cry and I held it in for a while.
It really sucked because I was taking the money and preparing our club roster to turn in with the names of the kids who would be advancing. It was a bitter pill to swallow as I wrote down kids who didn't win a match that day but still got to advance because there were less than six kids in their bracket. It took me quite a while before I could cross Daniel's name of the roster and when I did, I cried. It simply sucks when your kid has to learn that sometimes like just isn't fair.
That being said, I am so proud of Daniel! He never stopped working hard this season. He never mentioned the word quit. Yes, he had some very disappointing tournaments but unlike some of the kids we know...he didn't just stop coming because he lost, he kept going back! He tried his best and he poured his soul into every match. No one can deny that Daniel has heart and if that had been enough, he would be on the medal stand at state.
I also love that Daniel supported his team so well. He was always going and watching other kids and cheering them on. I wish more of the kids on our team would do that for each other but I'm so grateful for Daniel and his desire to be a good teammate. I also love that he always wanted to hug the kids that he beat. He always walked them off the mat telling them what a good job they did. It makes me proud to know that he has good sportsmanship.
Overall, yesterday was pretty crappy but Daniel has nothing to be ashamed of. He had a great season with some awesome matches, some heartbreaking losses and lots of heart and determination. It was painful calling up the hotel and canceling our reservation for the next round, but at the same time I figure I'll just put that money in savings for next year when Daniel makes it all the way to state!
Here's a short highlight reel of Daniel's season!
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
TDT #17 - Raw Emotions
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| One of the ways I have always done my countdowns when my husband is away is by counting trash days. Most of the time it isn't as daunting a number as the estimated number of days he'll be gone. And it helps me remember to put the trash out, or rather encourage my boys to put the trash out since it's their job. So this will be my new weekly post, and I'll just really post whatever, no real set theme. Please feel free to join me on this adventure of counting down the time until your loved one comes home! |
This pretty much explains my emotions for the past few weeks. I'm okay though...just a little vulnerable because of the holiday season.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Sometimes You Just Need to Cry
I have been on a crazy, emotional roller-coaster for the past week. I've been up, I've been down. I've been hyper, I've been exhausted. I feel angry one minute, sad the next. It has been a very draining week. It is frustrating. Nothing terrible has happened this past week. It was a busy week, like normal. A bit busier with added doctor appointments and a sick kid but nothing I can't handle. Perhaps I've hit the milestone of getting past the first 60 days of Kevin being gone. The first "season" of activities we had to get through are almost over. Michael performed at the last football game of the season with the marching band. I was reminded that Kevin has missed the entire Marching Band season. Neil has his last football game tomorrow and Kevin has only see him suited up in pictures. Daniel had a great game yesterday and his team won and I got to send the victory message through Facebook.
For the most part I do okay on my own when it comes to the kids. I miss Kevin but I try hard not to make a big deal when it comes to him being gone. He's only in Korea. But the reality is, I miss him...a lot. Even though I can do all these things alone and I can find a balance, I want him here with me to share in the ups and the downs.
I have such a wonderful support system here, it's overwhelming at times. I am truly blessed with the people in my life who help me meet the needs of my kids. I know I'm not alone.
I guess there is no real point to this post. It probably makes no sense to anyone else but I will admit that it has helped me work through some emotions. It has allowed me to shed some tears that have been on the edge of spilling over. There is no real reason for them, except that every now and again, we all need a good cry.
I miss my husband and on most days I can keep those emotions in check, but sometimes they just catch up to me and I have to release.
We've made it through the first two months, only ten more to go. We can do this...
For the most part I do okay on my own when it comes to the kids. I miss Kevin but I try hard not to make a big deal when it comes to him being gone. He's only in Korea. But the reality is, I miss him...a lot. Even though I can do all these things alone and I can find a balance, I want him here with me to share in the ups and the downs.
I have such a wonderful support system here, it's overwhelming at times. I am truly blessed with the people in my life who help me meet the needs of my kids. I know I'm not alone.
I guess there is no real point to this post. It probably makes no sense to anyone else but I will admit that it has helped me work through some emotions. It has allowed me to shed some tears that have been on the edge of spilling over. There is no real reason for them, except that every now and again, we all need a good cry.
I miss my husband and on most days I can keep those emotions in check, but sometimes they just catch up to me and I have to release.
We've made it through the first two months, only ten more to go. We can do this...
Saturday, August 04, 2012
Goodbyes Suck
I don't care how long we have been doing this Army life thing or how many deployments/separations we have been through, the reality is...goodbyes suck. We sent our Soldier off on the plane today to Korea and it was just as emotional as when we sent him off to war. My kids love their dad and I love my husband.
It's been hard trying to balance out my emotions. I've been giving myself some stern talks about how to deal with this but the truth is that my heart aches.
I have had amazing support from the people that matter in our lives and I really need to stay focused on that. I have to admit though that there have been some people who have said things that have been hurtful and hateful. I feel the need to address some of the things that have been thrown in my face.
1. We did not choose this assignment to Korea. While we chose to not pursue command sponsorship, we did not choose for our family to be separated, the Army did. There is no guarantee that the Army would have approved our sponsorship anyway since we have a child that is registered with the Exceptional Family Member Program. So please don't tell me that we CHOSE this and if you feel that way, please don't talk to me or my family, you aren't helpful and frankly we don't need you in our life.
2. We did not pursue command sponsorship because our kids did not want to leave their friends. Not that we owe anyone justification as to our reasons why we didn't apply, we chose what was best for our family. Having two kids in high school who are focused on college and have a path lined out where they are, we are putting our family first. What is right for our family may not look like what is right for yours and that is okay. We also have a child who has a hard time adjusting to big change, so again, this is right for our family. We could have possibly been together in Korea but our children may have been miserable trying to adjust or find new activities and friends. So again, what's right for us, may not be right for you but it's not for you to judge, you only see what we let you see.
3. Ultimately, this is our current trial and we choose to embrace it and make the best of it. There will be days that it will suck (like today). There will be days where we'll look and see that another week or month has flown by.
I try not to be so negative on our blog but I also try to be real. I am proud of my husband and his desire to continue to serve. We make every decision with a prayer in our hearts and the Lord's will in our mind. We know we will survive. We have great people in our life who are there to support us in any way we need. We are however, human and we feel pain and emotion just like everyone else.
Kevin is a big part of our everyday life and we will feel the void until he returns home to us. I love you Kevin, may time fly by quickly so we can be together again.
It's been hard trying to balance out my emotions. I've been giving myself some stern talks about how to deal with this but the truth is that my heart aches.
I have had amazing support from the people that matter in our lives and I really need to stay focused on that. I have to admit though that there have been some people who have said things that have been hurtful and hateful. I feel the need to address some of the things that have been thrown in my face.
1. We did not choose this assignment to Korea. While we chose to not pursue command sponsorship, we did not choose for our family to be separated, the Army did. There is no guarantee that the Army would have approved our sponsorship anyway since we have a child that is registered with the Exceptional Family Member Program. So please don't tell me that we CHOSE this and if you feel that way, please don't talk to me or my family, you aren't helpful and frankly we don't need you in our life.
2. We did not pursue command sponsorship because our kids did not want to leave their friends. Not that we owe anyone justification as to our reasons why we didn't apply, we chose what was best for our family. Having two kids in high school who are focused on college and have a path lined out where they are, we are putting our family first. What is right for our family may not look like what is right for yours and that is okay. We also have a child who has a hard time adjusting to big change, so again, this is right for our family. We could have possibly been together in Korea but our children may have been miserable trying to adjust or find new activities and friends. So again, what's right for us, may not be right for you but it's not for you to judge, you only see what we let you see.
3. Ultimately, this is our current trial and we choose to embrace it and make the best of it. There will be days that it will suck (like today). There will be days where we'll look and see that another week or month has flown by.
I try not to be so negative on our blog but I also try to be real. I am proud of my husband and his desire to continue to serve. We make every decision with a prayer in our hearts and the Lord's will in our mind. We know we will survive. We have great people in our life who are there to support us in any way we need. We are however, human and we feel pain and emotion just like everyone else.
Kevin is a big part of our everyday life and we will feel the void until he returns home to us. I love you Kevin, may time fly by quickly so we can be together again.
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