7 Years

Every year we toast to Bryant with a glass of grape kool-aid.  (We don't drink alcohol so we go for one of his favorite non-alcoholic beverages)

I really wanted to post this entry yesterday, on the actual anniversary, but my emotions got the best of me.  Whenever I think about how I want to remember this date (April 28th), I always feel a bit selfish because I want to talk about how this event changed MY life.  I feel guilty because it shouldn't be about me but about the families that it happened to.  Trust me, that is always on the forefront of mind but it is always tied into my own emotions and personal growth.

I decided after lots of pondering that I would talk about how it changed me and why it is so important to me to remember.  Why does it still hit me to the core of my soul and make me want to cry?

I never would have imagined 7 years ago that I would be in a situation where I would be so close to someone who was living my worst nightmare.  Yes, this is every Military wife's worst nightmare.  We spend so much of our time preparing for the what if's but we never believe it will happen to us or anyone that we know.  We read the names and some of us take a little more time to find out a little more so that  you feel like you are truly honoring the fallen.  At least, that's what I did and still continue to do.  I truly believe that every Fallen Military Member deserves to be more than a name in a news article.  Kevin used to ask me why I did that to myself.  He would often find me crying over the loss of people I didn't even know.

Before the 28th, this crazy war and the ugly parts of it were coming forth in reality for me.  Our Squadron was taking hits.  Until the 28th though, it was all injuries and while many were severe and life changing, I was grateful that they were alive and I still continued to live in what I called "the bubble."

A week before SFC Bryant Herlem and SGT Jose Gomez were killed, some Soldiers in our Squadron were severely burned in an RPG attack on their Bradley Vehicle.  One of the Soldiers belonged to our unit and the others were in one of the other companies in our Squadron.  That rocked my boat a bit and shook me up.  One of the Soldiers involved in that incident eventually passed away from his injuries (God Bless You, Brandon Teeters).  The families in our unit were beginning to get a bit nervous as there had been another incident in the beginning of April that had resulted in a Soldier (someone I admire greatly and truly consider a hero) losing both his legs.  We still believed though that while we might have injuries, as devastating as they were, we could get through this deployment without any deaths.  We wanted to believe that.

April 28th started out like a normal day for me.  I got the kids up and off to school, I went and visited with some of the women in my church and I was having lunch with one of my really great friends when I received a call on my cell phone.  I recognized the number but couldn't really place it.  When I answered, the person asked for me and then identified themselves as SFC "B", Mrs. H's, casualty notification officer.  I swear that at that moment the world fell out from underneath me.  I recall my friend asking me what was wrong.  The Sergeant told me that my presence had been requested and could I come.  I replied with a yes and said I'd be there as soon as I could.  I left the baby I was babysitting with my friend, called my boy's school to let them know someone would be picking them up and then I started driving.  Here's the crazy part, I had no idea where I was going.  I had never been to LH's house...ever.  Until that day we were acquaintances.  She was one of my points of contact in my FRG and we had had lunch and chatted on the phone but hadn't really hung out.  Kevin and her husband knew each other as they worked with each other everyday and were friends, but her and I weren't (though I don't doubt that we would have become friends anyway!).

I called my Rear Detachment Commander to ask for directions on how to get to her house while I was driving.  He played it cool (something I will always respect him for) when I initially called because the notification for the other family had yet to be made.  In fact, he had not even received word that LH had been notified as it had happened only 10 minutes before.  When I relayed to him the call that I had received, he helped to direct me to her house and I arrived just under 15 minutes after she had been notified.

I walked into her house, walked straight past the notification officer and chaplain, grabbed her head and kissed her forehead.  I am not usually a touchy-feely person but upon reflection of that day I realized I wanted her to know that I was committed.

Here's what I realize about the events of that day.  I KNOW that I was supposed to be there for my dear friend.  There are no coincidences in life.  I never hesitated, I just went...no questions asked.  I have often analyzed that...analyzed...never questioned.  I know I was meant to be her support.

I also know that I was meant to learn and grow from this experience.  And I have.  I learned that I had to appreciate every moment.  I learned I had to create memories.  I learned I had to love with my whole heart and take chances.  I learned that I had to put my marriage and family first.  I learned that life is too short to put up with crap.  I was told that I was intense before, but this pushed me to a whole new level of intensity because now it was mixed with a deep passion to live my life in a way that would honor those who had sacrificed their lives for me.  Maybe not personally, but I would never again take advantage of their sacrifice.

I always thought that I was patriotic but this pushed me to a whole new level.  I feel my love for my country and those who defend her so deeply.  I try to live my life in a way that honors all who serve and especially those who have fallen. 

I also learned that I have a role in never forgetting those who sacrificed and paid the price for my freedom.  They cannot be forgotten if we remember and share who they are.  I carry that responsibility in my heart and I try to fulfill it with my actions.

I wear a bracelet everyday with Bryant and Jose's names on it.  There are times when I think it might be time to put it in the jewelry box but it never feels right.  I don't know if and when I will ever take it off but I know the time is not right now.  It is one of the most important pieces of jewelry I own and I wear it proudly because each time someone asks me what it's for, it helps me to keep my promise of carrying out the legacy of these two Soldiers who were taken away from us too soon.

Seven years ago my world shifted...not in the same manner as it did for the Herlem or Gomez families and I will never say that my journey is even similar.  I am honored that the Lord saw fit to send me to someone who would end up being one of my best friends.  I feel blessed that He trusted me with one of his children who would need love, support and commitment and I can honestly say, seven years later, that it has been worth every step of the journey. 

I can't change the events of April 28th, 2006 but as a result of them, I am a changed person.

TDT #33 - 10 Years

One of the ways I have always done my countdowns when my  husband is away is by counting trash days.  Most of the time it isn't as daunting a number as the estimated number of days he'll be gone.  And it helps me remember to put the trash out, or rather encourage my boys to put the trash out since it's their job.  So this will be my new weekly post, and I'll just really post whatever, no real set theme.  Please feel free to join me on this adventure of counting down the time until your loved one comes home!

 All over my Facebook feed most of my Military friends are posting about it being 10 years since we invaded Iraq. 

Some of the pages have posted the question, "Do you remember what you were doing?"  Today's entry will be my answer to that question.

10 years ago, I was walking through the quiet of my house on Fort Knox, KY where Kevin was serving as a Drill Sergeant.  His unit was in the field so it was just me and my three boys who were 6, 4 and 2 at the time.  I recall watching the news in anticipation wondering what was going to happen.  I couldn't sleep.  I messed around online talking with many of my online friends in the various groups I belonged to.  It was interesting as my mommy groups that were primarily made up of those not affiliated at all with the Military chatted about everything but the invasion while my groups made up of Military Spouses flooded the message boards with chatter about what our future was going to look like.

At one point, Daniel cried out and I went to check on him as he lay in my bed.  I looked down at him as he stared back at me and I picked him up and wandered into the room that Michael and Neil shared.  They were both sound asleep.  I sat in the middle of their floor and cradled Daniel and soothed him back to sleep.  When he drifted off, I looked at all three of my boys and wondered how much their lives would shift once they woke up in the morning.  I cringed at the thought of how their lives could change in the next few hours and would it affect them immediately or over time.  My thoughts then shifted to the children in Iraq.  My  heart broke as I realized that their impact would be very sudden and physical.  I felt an ache in my stomach.  I went and laid Daniel back in bed and wandered back to my computer.

I went into one of the mommy groups I belonged to at the time and posted a prayer request...for our Military, our Nation and the children in Iraq.  I immediately got blasted by other members, told that we must be war hungry and that all our Soldiers wanted was to go and kill innocent women and children.  I remember feeling like I had been slapped.  I left that group that night and never went back.  I went into my Military Wives group and read through messages of fear, uncertainty and vulnerability.  I talked for hours in a chatroom with my sisters as we tried to map out our futures, as we discussed supporting our men in uniform and by simply saying we understood the mix of emotions we felt.

The next morning we woke up to the news that we were at war.  I knew right then as I got my boys ready for the day that our lives would never be the same.

In the past 10 years our lives have changed.  We have endured separation and pain.  We have attended funeral services and visited friends in hospitals.  Our family has sacrificed a lot...willingly.  Kevin could have gotten out, he chose to continue on and serve.  He volunteered to go to war.  He has defended this nation to protect his family.  While many have attacked our Troops and their service in Iraq, I am proud of him and all who have served over there.  I know they have made a difference, I believe in them and honor them.

I don't talk politics, I talk about the pride of knowing some of the most amazing people in this nation, our Military Servicemembers and I am proud to call so many friends.  I am proud to call myself the wife of a Soldier who serves for the future of his boys.

 

Thank you to all of our Iraq War Veterans and especially our Fallen Heroes and their Families, please know there is one family who will always support and who will never forget!

Gold Star Mother's Day 2012 Challenge

The Luminary Initiative

Today is Gold Star Mother's Day. We have our luminary ready to light as the sun goes down this evening to honor the Families of our Fallen Heroes. 

I would like to challenge my friends to do a little more on this day. I have had the honor to get to know a few Gold Star Mothers. Knowing them has really enlightened me in so many ways. One of them is the Mother of SPC Micheal "Pokey" Phillips. In honor of her son, she is striving to take care of "Pokey's" Brothers by gathering donations and items to send care packages to deployed Troops. I am asking my friends to consider donating to help her in this journey. You can go to her blog and on the right will be a donate button.

I also had the opportunity to meet the mother of SSG Daniel Tallouzi, in January 2011.  She is an amazing woman who took care of her son for over 2 1/2 years after he was injured and eventually passed away from his injuries.  I feel so blessed to have met her.  She is now a board member for the Wounded Warrior Project.  Watch this amazing video to find out more about her and her son and if you feel so inclined to check out their site and see what you can do to help will make a world of difference for our Troops and their Families.

If nothing else, please pause for a moment and remember the sacrifice of those who gave all and those they left behind.

Our luminary after sunset

“For those who fight to protect it, freedom has a flavor that the protected will never know."

Gold Star Wives Day - April 5

Today - April 5th is Gold Star Wives Day. Please remember the amazing women who continue on in life after bidding their loves farewell. I have been blessed to meet many Gold Star Families and am amazed at their strength, grace and desire to honor the legacy of their fallen Heroes.

P.S. P.S. I ♥ You Nita

I Cried

(photo courtesy of FLW PAO)

I woke up this morning and knew what was on the agenda before I even opened my calendar.

I cried.

I read an article talking about how two of the three fallen were a part of the recovery team of the helicopter that crashed with Seal Team Six.

I cried.

I got dressed and placed my "In remembrance" pin on my shirt.

I cried.

I walked into the chapel, I took my seat and I saw the "Battlefield Crosses" displayed on behalf of the three fallen fighters.

I cried.

My husband walked in and sat beside me, it was the first memorial he has ever attended with me.

I cried.

I read through the memorial program, reading about the lives of these three fallen men.

I cried.

I listened as they were eulogized by those who served with them, the closing remark of one young Soldier "I miss my friend" breaking my heart.

I cried.

The Chaplain quoted John 15:13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. We are all their friends.

I cried.

A slideshow being played showing pictures of these three vibrant men, with smiles that appeared immortal.

I cried.

They called their names, the response was silence.

I cried.

21 Gun Salute was fired.

I cried.

Taps echoed through the chapel.

I cried.

On the back of the program were these words:

"Don't Weep For Me" Don't weep for me O'land of the free, When it was my time to fall. 'Twas for my country's call, 'Twas for the land that I loved that I gave my all And for the land that I loved I did freely give. And in her freedom and her courage, I'll continue to live.

1LT Ivan Lechowich, SPC Steven Gutowski, and PFC David Drake...you are worth every tear that was shed today.

We will never forget.

Fallen Fort Leonard Wood Heroes

I will admit that I feel guilty in the delay in writing this entry because our heroes deserve better. On September 28, our brigade lost three Soldiers. It has hit our community hard. 1LT Ivan Lechowich, SPC Steven Gutowski and PFC David Drake were killed by an IED in Afghanistan. While I didn't personally know these three men, my heart aches for their families and those who cared for them. They are a part of my extended Military Family and I wish things could be different.
When I heard we had suffered a loss in this particular battalion, immediately my heart went heavy and I prayed it was not a unit that I have friends in. Then I felt extremely guilty for thinking that way because regardless of whether I know them or not, someone was suffering a great loss. It's so sad because all three men had served less than three years in the Army. PFC Drake less than a year total. Oh how my heart aches. The young LT had just watched the birth of his first child via skype only four days earlier. Every death is so hard to internalize but when you hear of stories like that, well it makes my heart ache so deeply.

God Bless these men and their families. May they know they are not in this journey alone, that we are there in prayer and in honor as we strive to carry their legacies forward. We won't forget.

PFC David Drake

1LT Ivan Lechowich

SPC Steven Gutowski

During that week, I also got word from a friend that one of our Soldiers from our beloved 8-10 Cavalry Family had passed away earlier this week. SFC Doug Jones served as our Rear D 1SG during Kevin's 2005-2006 deployment. He worked closely with us and was just a great man serving everyone around him. He was known to help families in need in so many ways. Helping them collect items such as household goods, food and clothing. He retired in 2009 and passed away on September 12, 2011. God Bless You SFC Jones...

Fallen Heroes: 30 Special Operations Troops

Today our Military community woke up to some heartbreaking news. 30 of our own had died in a terrible helicopter crash. I have said it before and I'll say it again, it doesn't matter that I don't know these Troops personally, they are a part of my family.

My heart breaks for their families, I can't even imagine. As the days come and their names are released, I will post them here so we can say them, know them and honor them.

God Bless Our Fallen...

Today is SFC Bryant Herlem's birthday...his 5th he is celebrating in Heaven. Bryant, I know you welcomed this Heroes to the fold...we honor all of you, we won't forget.

Fallen Hero: PFC Matthew England

The legacy of heroes is the memory of a great name and the inheritance of a great example. ~Benjamin Disraeli

Today I had the privilege to line up in the street to render honors to a Fallen Hero. Word went around yesterday that a Hero was going to be escorted through FLW and they were encouraging everybody who could to go out and line up along the route he would be traveling on. I knew instantly that I would be there. This morning the boys and I met up with others at the USO, gathered some flags and waited for the procession to start. Kevin was lined up somewhere else on post with the Soldiers in his unit.

Where we were along the route we had many companies of Soldiers who are currently in Basic Training and AIT. I was pretty emotional when they started lining up. Many of these Soldiers are only two years older than my oldest son. PFC Matthew England was only 22 years young.

Kevin & I are so proud of our boys who are always ready to do their part. Neil held the American Flag and even saluted with it when the hearse went by. Michael held the USO flag to show the support that our great FLW USO has for our Soldiers and their Families. Daniel held his little flag and stood so reverently. I get so choked up with emotion when I think about PFC England's mother, I cannot imagine the pain. I know how much I love my boys.

I feel truly humbled to have been able to stand in honor of PFC Matthew England. To stand among Soldiers, Veterans and other Military Family members. I am not ashamed of the tears that I shed today in honor of a hero.

I love our community and I love that so many came out to support PFC Matthew Joseph England. I hope his family felt the love through all of us who lined the streets.

I truly believe that we must honor our Fallen Heroes...we must say their names, read their stories and carry out their legacies. That is the LEAST we can do to honor their Sacrifice!
God Bless PFC Matthew England


Soldier from Ozark County dies in military service

Matthew England was scheduled to return home in August.

GAINESVILLE, Mo. -- Private First Class Matthew England, who graduated from Lutie High School in 2007, has died in an IED explosion in Iraq. England was the son of Pamela Hengen of the Gainesville area and Daniel England of Bartlett, Tennessee.

Joe and Pamela Hengen were looking forward to their son Matthew's return home this summer. The Hengens live between Gainesville and Theodosia. "He loved it out here in the woods. He was always out here. We had to go find him half the time," says Joe Hengen, Matthew's step-father.

But Matthew isn't coming home the way they had hoped. "Told her he was sending stuff home because his deployment's up in August," says Hengen.

They just learned Wednesday night that Matthew was killed in an IED explosion while on an escort mission in Iraq. "You never think it's going to happen to your kid," says Hengen.

Matthew was the kid that graduated from Lutie High School, was great with computers, and always wanted to fly. "Ever since I've known him, two years old, once he started talking, he wanted to be a pilot," Hengen says.

Fallen Hero: Cpl P. Zanowick II, USMC

I don't do online voting, I rarely post one of those annoying statuses about father week, son week, whatever week. I don't do any of those silly color games on Facebook and I rarely forward any type of email that promises you either good things or bad things.

This however was a request I would not ignore...this is a request that I am privileged to honor. I have a friend Heidi, whom from the very beginning gets "it". It's hard to explain what "it" is but we are similar in many ways and I am grateful to have her in my life. She is an amazing Military Spouse (Marines) and just an amazing human being.

Last week her husband's battalion lost a brother. My heart aches for the family, the friends and anyone who loved/knew that young Marine.

Please take a moment...say his name, read his story and honor his sacrifice. And thank you dear friend for allowing me to honor this hero.

Fallen Marine's family honors his life

Megan O'Rourke
Miamisburg, Ohio (WDTN) - Tuesday afternoon, the Zanowick family found a peaceful refuge on the back porch of their Miamisburg home. It was a quiet escape from the emotional events that have unfolded over the last few days.

On Friday, 23 year-old Corporal Paul Zanowick Junior was killed by enemy fire while on patrol in Afghanistan.

"I just want people to remember him for who he was," said Ryan Zanowick, Zanowick's wife. "You know not only was he a great Marine, but he was also a great son, brother, husband and father".

Moved by the tragic of events of 9-11, Paul Zanowick Senior said his son knew early on that he wanted serve his country. Zanowick enlisted in the Marines in January, 2008.

"He had such a sense of wanting to protect us," said Paul Sr.

"You don't want this day to happen. That was a huge fear, but i respect what he choose to do and I honor it, but I would gladly have gone instead," he added.

Cpl. Zanowick made the ultimate sacrifice, but it has not gone un-noticed. American flags now hang in his honor throughout the Zanowick's Miamisburg neighborhood. A touching tribute that the family says is helping them heal.

"Overwhelming," said Zanowick Sr. "I just want to thank everybody who has contacted us, tried to contact us, prayed for us. If not for the prayers I'm not sure we could do this".