9/11/2018

17 years.  17 years since the day our country changed.  So many memories, experiences, emotions.  I look at my youngest child and think of all that he has experienced in his life.  It's his senior year, he is prepping for college, he's growing up.  I have typically rehashed my feelings, emotions, our experience as a Military family but this year I want to share something different.

As a part of my service as an AmeriCorps VISTA, I was able to volunteer with my team at a Veterans Home.  I knew it was going to be a good day but the experience far exceeded my expectations.  From the moment I walked in until I left, my heart was full.  We played dominoes with a 94 year old World War II Veteran who shared with us his tales of service, we witnessed a Veterans council where these amazing men honored their friends who had passed within the last month and paused for a moment to honor those who perished on 9/11/2001.  We got to serve ice cream, a simple but delightful moment to witness these elderly men helping one another with their bowls.  They fought next to each other in war and now they serve one another at some of their darkest moments.

As I caught myself almost in tears many times throughout the days I realized that what I was witnessing was exactly the feelings I felt on September 12th.  We all pulled together, we stood in solidarity.  We helped those who needed help and we felt a sense of pride in doing so.  We pulled together.  These men I spent time with continued that unconditional love.

I do believe our country is still more together than apart but we could do better.  We can remember that we are better together than fighting.  We can treat each other with respect, we can laugh more, we can honor more and we can express empathy for all mankind.

As we were getting ready to leave, we thanked everyone for allowing us the opportunity to come and serve them.  When we turned to leave, these Veterans broke out in applause...for us.  I was overcome with emotion, we did so little and got so much in return.

On 9/11/2001, we suffered a great tragedy and on 9/12/2001 so many did little things that got them so much more in return.  We shouldn't forget 9/11/2001 but we should live our lives like we did on 9/12/2001.

#NeverForget

9/11/2014

I always think on this day that there isn't possibly anything else I can say about the events from now 13 years ago.  What's interesting is that every year I am taken back to the images and the emotions.  They are so clear.  I gauge how far we've come by where my kids are in life.  They were so young then and now our oldest has left the nest and is on his own adventure.  I remember being so scared that day wondering if I would ever be strong enough to let my boys leave the house again.  Obviously I have.  Now Michael is in Germany serving a mission for our church.  He still wants to join the Military when he gets back which amazes me.

Just last night Neil came home from college night talking about the Military recruiters he had chatted with.  He has always talked about joining the Military but we always thought it was just that.  Not only does he have a desire to serve in the Military but he wants to be a Navy Seal or Army Ranger.  His sense of duty and honor run deep.

Daniel still seems so young to me but he was just an infant that day.  He has known no different life other than that post 9/11.  He has grown up with Patriot Day and a dad who was gone more than he was home.  He learned the reality of war in a close intimate way when we lost a friend and spent many hours, days and months with his widow.  Daniel has such love and respect for our Fallen.

Our three boys know that 9/11 is more than a day to be remembered once a year.

9/11/2013

Here I sit, another year gone by, another day where my Facebook feed will flood with images and shared tales of where you were when the towers were hit.  I was planning on going to visit a friend of mine at Fort Riley but when I realized that it would be on this date, I suddenly felt like I couldn't go there.  We were stationed at Fort Riley on 9/11/01.  I don't want to sound like my world ended that day but my world did shift and there have been many thing since then that have caused me sadness.

That being said, I want to reflect today on how we have overcome.  While there has definitely been negative in our life, there has been so much more positive.  We have endured.  The past 12 years have been hard on our family.  Stressful training missions and lengthy deployments.  Clouds of the unknown hovering over our heads.  What have we gained from those situations? Strength.  We are stronger as a family, as a couple and as individuals.  We have been asked to do things that crush other relationships and we have survived...not only survived but THRIVED.  We have learned to appreciate today because we have been witness to those who lost their tomorrows.  We have been in the company of real heroes, men and women who continue to live and honor a legacy of courage and bravery after life changing injuries, both seen and unseen.  Let's not forget the families who stand beside them and became heroes themselves.

I am proud to be married to a man who continued to serve his country despite knowing that he could/would leave his family time and time again and knowing his own life would be at risk.  He did it for us and he did it for you.

"The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him." G.K. Chestertson

I made this during Kevin's deployment to Iraq in 2009

It's not likely that I will ever forget where I was on September 11, 2001.  I will forever have the images of my babies faces etched in my mind as I wondered what the future held for them.  Today I can look at my boys who are growing into amazing young men and see that they are resilient, strong and most importantly survivors.  They have endured and thrived like I could not have even imagined.

September 2001

August 2013, welcoming home their dad after 362 days apart

The towers may have fallen but America didn't and neither did the Albrecht Squad.

Probably my favorite picture of the Albrecht Squad

TDT #5 - September 11, 2012

One of the ways I have always done my countdowns when my  husband is away is by counting trash days.  Most of the time it isn't as daunting a number as the estimated number of days he'll be gone.  And it helps me remember to put the trash out, or rather encourage my boys to put the trash out since it's their job.  So this will be my new weekly post, and I'll just really post whatever, no real set theme.  Please feel free to join me on this adventure of counting down the time until your loved one comes home!

I was trying to think about what I would write today.  I almost decided not to write anything at all.  I don't need all of the sudden pictures on Facebook or Twitter to remind me not to "forget".  I haven't forgotten since that day.  I have reminders all around me on a daily basis.
Kevin's uniform and the combat patch he wears.

The homecoming pictures and goodbye pictures from deployments.

 

Family pictures that I look at and remember that we took them on my husband's R&R, just a few weeks after one of his good friendS was killed in Iraq.  Yes, there is that connection between death and our family pictures.  For some that may seem sad but to me it reminds me not to forget.

I have contemplated in the past few months to put away the bracelet I currently wear in remembrance of our fallen friends.  I can't do it though...not yet. There will come a day when we will put the bracelets aside but that day is not today.

Those are just a couple reasons why I haven't forgotten what happened 11 years ago.  I'm a constant mix of emotions because of it.  My kids constantly worry that their dad will be sent into harm's way.  My oldest has expressed an interest in joining the Military and that puts a worry in my heart that he'll be sent off to war.  I am proud of his desire to follow in our footsteps to serve his country but I still see the 5 year old boy who on 9-11-01 asked me if we would die because terrorists hated our country.  Now that little boy is talking about going off to basic training next year.

I haven't forgotten what happened 11 years ago.  Our life is dramatically changed.  It's hard to remember what life was like before that day.  I know that my children don't live in a country where their homes are bombed or they are repressed.  They don't worry about their physical safety daily due to the physical act of war in their country but they have lived most of their lives dealing with war.

When I think about all that they have endured I am sad, angry, hurt and so many other emotions.  Sometimes I envy my friends who's kids have never had to worry about their parent's physical safety due to war.  I wish they had a life where the only weapon their dad carried was one he went deer hunting with.  We chose to continue this life after 9-11.  We chose to endure this lifestyle.  My kids have done well with it and we have no regrets.  Because of what we have gone through as a result of what happened 11 years ago, we are stronger...as individuals, as a couple, as a family.  We can't go back in time, we can't waste time wondering what might have been.  The boys have grown up to be wonderful citizens, sacrificing in ways few can understand.

I haven't forgotten, my children's lives are a constant reminder to me of the tragedy that changed America 11 years ago.

Click HERE to read my thoughts on 9-11 in previous years.

9/11/2011

We weren't in New York, Pennsylvania or Washington, D.C. but our lives were forever altered on this day 10 years ago. We were and still are an Army Family. On this day 10 years ago we both wore the uniform of a U.S. Soldier. We had three boys who had no idea what life was going to be like from that point on. I recall sitting on my couch, nursing my then 3 month old son wondering what his world would be like. I look at my now 10 year old and am saddened by all the sacrifices that he has had to make in his short life. The sacrifice of a father not being home on special occasions such as birthdays or first days of school. Yes, his father is alive and for that I am grateful but there has been much sacrifice.

Since 2001, Kevin has reenlisted. He could have gotten out of the Army like I did and chosen another life for us. He could have said no, I won't make the sacrifice, he could have walked away. But he didn't. He knew what the aftermath of 9/11 could bring us and he still voluntarily raised his right hand, reenlisted and promised to continue to defend our nation. I supported him in that decision.

We have endured trials and tribulations, numerous separations, lots of worry and grief but we continue to serve as a Family. My boys only have memories of a life with war in it. It is in their face, it is a big part of their life. They are proud to say their Daddy is a Soldier and their Mommy is a Veteran. They proudly bear the title of Army BRAT but their life hasn't been simple.

We carry 9/11 in our minds and hearts every single day. We have reminders all around us...some physical and some emotional. We wear black memorial bracelets, Kevin wears a combat patch. Michael, Neil and Daniel can all name the holidays and special occasions that their dad has missed due to training or deployment. We fly an American Flag and remember what it symbolizes.

I can't even begin to imagine what the families of those who lost loved ones in the Twin Towers, Pentagon or a field in Pennsylvania feel like or how their lives have changed. I can't speak on that. I only know what it has been like for our Family, who made the choice willingly to continue to serve after that tragic day, to send our husband and father off to war so that there wouldn't be a repeat.

9/11..we'll never forget, for as long as Kevin wears the uniform of a U.S. Soldier, we are reminded daily of what must be done so that it never happens again.

9/11/2010 - I Remember

I get frustrated when right before September 11th of every year, people start with the "Where were you?" and "Have you forgotten?" questions. We all deal with the aftermath of that day in our own ways. I remember...every day. 9/11 is not a once a year event for me. I remember.

I look at my youngest son and feel for him since he doesn't know a life without war in it. He was but a few weeks old when those planes hit. While he wasn't in the towers or on a plane, his life was greatly affected that day. At 9 years old, he has only had his daddy home for two birthdays. His dad is a Soldier and he has spent much of the past 9 years doing what thousands of others who wear a Military uniform have done...served, fought and protected so that another 9/11 doesn't happen. I remember.

Almost daily I am reminded of this day 9 years ago. My friends, my community are on a constant cycle of protecting freedom. Just this week the unit my husband deployed with last time filed onto planes to head back overseas, and the unit he deployed with before that left a couple weeks ago...for some of them this will be their 4th deployment. I remember.

Kevin and I wear a bracelet every day to honor just two of the Fallen that we knew personally. Two of thousands who gave their life to protect our land. Thousands of innocent people died on planes or in towers that day, thousands have died since then protecting this nation. I remember.

I remember right after 9/11/01 all the flags flying all over America. I also remember when they started to disappear. Our flag waves outside our home as I type this...I close my eyes and I think of the symbolism of the red stripes and I think of the blood shed, both of our founding fathers and those who fought and died to protect their vision and their sacrifice. I remember.

"Have you forgotten?" I wonder what life would be like if for a moment in time if I could forget, but the reality is...I remember.

9-11-2009, I Remember

In honor of those who died that tragic day 8 years ago and in honor of those who continue to sacrifice.I am honored to be married to the hero who wears this bracelet in honor of his fallen brothers

This is the first year that my husband has been with us on 9-11, every other year he has been with trainees, deployed or prepping for deployment.

I will never forget, everyday that my husband slips on that uniform is a reminder to me about what we have lost and what we continue to lose as a result of that day.

His Drill Sergeant Badge that says "This We'll Defend"

These Colors don't run....4th Infantry Division patch, his "combat" patch, a Division with rich history

His current patch, 1st Cavalry Division, "First Team" , another division with rich history

U.S. Army, HOOAH!

I will never forget the victims or the heroes and I will never forget those who serve and continue to sacrifice today.My Soldier honoring his fallen brothers...an intimate photo, it barely captures the moment....

♥9/11/2008♥

I have so many mixed emotions on this day. For days, weeks and even a few months after, our nation rallied together. Flags were hard to find and it seemed we almost had peace for a while. Slowly over time all that begin to fade. I know moving on is part of the grieving process and for those who aren't still fighting the war in a personal way, 9/11 isn't always as personal.My family is not likely to forget what happened that day. For the 4th straight year in a row our Soldier is gone, the second 9/11 he is spending in Iraq. On 9/11/01, he was gone as well, away from us. Being apart on that day was a small hint to us of what the future would bring to us as a family.

Last night I sat my three boys down (12, 10 and 7) and I explained to them what this day meant. I thought about keeping them home. I acknowledge Patriot Day, really I do, but I don't want my children who are too young to remember the actual attacks to stand around a flag pole on their school grounds waving flags like it's a 4th of July Parade and singing "It's a Grand Old Flag", I don't use the term anniversary because that implies a need for a celebration and today isn't about a celebration. Today is about remembering those who were lost (the innocent), those who sacrificed (the firemen, police, volunteers and the passengers of Flight 93) and those who have since worn the uniform that bears US before any branch they serve in the military.

Many say that 9/11 and the current war in Iraq (part of the Global War on Terrorism) are not connected. To me, it very much is and while I won't go into that argument, I will just say this. That day as I was comforting my children and pondering what life was going to be like, I knew our role as a military just changed. As a result my husand has served in Iraq twice. Last night I was again comforting my children as we talked about that day and their dad being gone and in harm's way.

I am proud to be an Army family. And while we endure hardship and pain at times going through separations, like I told my boys, I couldn't be prouder than this mission we are currently on. To know my husband is a part of less than 1% defending our nation's freedom, to be part of the mission that is working so hard to ensure that another 9/11 doesn't happen here, I can't even put into words.

Recently I received some photos that another Soldier had taken of Kevin "working" in Iraq. In one picture there is a little boy, the way he is looking at Kevin, well you just have to think that there is hope and goodness in what we are doing. Even if you don't agree we should be there or whatever, you can't look at that picture and not at least think for a moment that we are providing hope for Iraq's future.

Today to honor the many who have sacrificed and the many who continue, especially our Soldiers who are currently deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan, LaNita and I are going to donate blood. It's our small contribution to say thank you.

To us and many like us 9/11 isn't something we are likely to forget. God Bless America and those who preserve her Freedom.

♥Never Forget - SFC Bryant Herlem, SGT Jose Gomez, SGT Brandon Teeters, SGT Jeremy King, CPT James Funkhouser♥

I'm Angry

I am angry. I am livid, angry, pissed, however you want to put it. I just got done sitting at our dining room table explaining to my three boys who are 11, 9 and 6 what 9-11 is all about. My kids are almost too young to really remember that day, heck my youngest was barely weeks old when it happened. At school they had a ceremony to commemorate 9-11. Guess what, my kids had no clue what it's about. They wanted to know why. This is not a simple explanation. I am angry that I have to explain to my kids what terrorists are. I am angry that my kids want to know who Osama Bin Ladin, Sadaam Hussein and what Al Queda are. I am angry that I had to explain what hijacking, terrorist cells, suicide bombers and IEDs are.
I am angry that my sensitive 11 year old shed tears about the people killed. Not just the many who died in the Twin Towers, the Pentagon and the field in DC but the troops who have died since then serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. I am angry that they now see the bigger picture. I could have just given them a simple explanation...if one existed. I cannot lie to my kids. They are not pacified with a oh people died or it was a tragedy in NYC. I am angry that to our family 9-11 isn't something that happened away from us that we can "never forget" the other 364 days of the year. My kids see their daddy training, they know he goes to Iraq. They know it's dangerous, I'm angry that I have to explain why. I am angry that I cannot promise that daddy will be safe when he goes back next year. I'm angry that I had to explain all this to them by myself without my husband home because he is in the field preparing for deployment train-up.

I am angry.

I just had to vent and I don't expect people to share my thoughts or feelings but I am angry that my kids innocence was stripped and I want to sit and bawl about it but I can't because I need to be their strength and rock.

9-11

Well I was just going to copy and paste my blog from last year because I figured I pretty much feel the same way. But as I've gone throughout my day I've had lots of other thoughts so I'll probably still copy and paste but I'll start off with some new thoughts.

It's hard to believe that it's been 6 years. Time is a funny thing. 12 years ago yesterday (9-9) I found out I was pregnant with my oldest son. How much life changed that day. Six years ago another life altering event happened.

I wasn't in NY, DC or PA but that day changed the course of our life. Some people don't think that 9-11 and our current war situation are related and I'm not here to get into political talk but I don't understand how people think that. What I do know is that the military changed on 9-11. We went from the train as you "would" fight mentality to a "we're going to war" mentality.

We were stationed at Fort Riley, KS that awful day. I know it was a scary day but seriously sometimes I look back and I have to laugh at the chaos. The rumor mill was flowing and some of the things that people were saying were crazy. All of a sudden Fort Riley was a target and people were freaking out. I was sad for my kids and the future they now had. I remember leaving post to go pick up a friend's daughter to babysit her for the day. I had just been off post and was able to go on and off. I thought it would only take about 15 minutes so I left my two youngest boys who were 3 1/2 and 2 months old with a neighbor. I could not get on post for 4 1/2 hours. Not a fun time with two kids under 5 and a starving 2 month old left with the neighbor. As I sat in my van that day with my t-shirt soaked from missing two feedings, I was so angry at how our life was being changed. I was angry that I was not able to get to my child who was only 5 miles away from me. I suppose that was a small indication of what life would be like in the future, the separations to come.

Later that evening after numerous phone calls from friends and family about how this would affect us, I was drained. Kevin was at Drill Sergeant School in Missouri so we weren't able to be there for the physical support we both needed. Michael who was only 5 at the time crawled on the couch and asked me if me and his daddy were going to be killed or hurt. My heart broke to hear his question. I asked him why he thought such a thing and he told me it was because people hated America and Soldiers were America's police. At the time I was still in the Reserves and our unit had been called up. The part that made me so angry about his question was that I could not assure him that we wouldn't be hurt or worse because I just didn't know.

Here we are 6 years later and what is it that I know now that I didn't know then? I know that 9-11 has hurt Kevin and I. It has hurt us deeply. It has taken the innocence of my children, it has taken away our security. We are an Army family, a title we bear proudly but one that comes with much sacrifice. My children have had to watch their daddy pack up his belongings and go to war. I have had to fend off the questions of whether daddy will come home alive and keep it together when I answer "I don't know, we just need to pray". My children know kids who's daddies won't come home, they know of our friends who will not be coming back from Iraq the way they left. They know there is always a chance that daddy will go away and not come back.

I know that we lost over 3,000 on that day alone but the sacrifice did not end there, since then we have lost over 4,177 more, at least six of those being people I knew personally. Six might not seem like a big number but I beg you to ask the families of those six special men and tell me that their sacrifice was not significant!

So anyway, that is my ramble for this year's blog. I could write this blog any day of the year as I don't have the luxury of pushing 9-11 into the back of my mind. I'm reminded daily when I watch my husband put on his uniform and go off to "train-to-fight". I'm reminded daily when I look down at the black bracelet I wear always that bears the names of two men who made the sacrifice to defend our nation against another 9-11.

God Bless America and all who sacrifice to keep it free.