9-11

Well I was just going to copy and paste my blog from last year because I figured I pretty much feel the same way. But as I've gone throughout my day I've had lots of other thoughts so I'll probably still copy and paste but I'll start off with some new thoughts.

It's hard to believe that it's been 6 years. Time is a funny thing. 12 years ago yesterday (9-9) I found out I was pregnant with my oldest son. How much life changed that day. Six years ago another life altering event happened.

I wasn't in NY, DC or PA but that day changed the course of our life. Some people don't think that 9-11 and our current war situation are related and I'm not here to get into political talk but I don't understand how people think that. What I do know is that the military changed on 9-11. We went from the train as you "would" fight mentality to a "we're going to war" mentality.

We were stationed at Fort Riley, KS that awful day. I know it was a scary day but seriously sometimes I look back and I have to laugh at the chaos. The rumor mill was flowing and some of the things that people were saying were crazy. All of a sudden Fort Riley was a target and people were freaking out. I was sad for my kids and the future they now had. I remember leaving post to go pick up a friend's daughter to babysit her for the day. I had just been off post and was able to go on and off. I thought it would only take about 15 minutes so I left my two youngest boys who were 3 1/2 and 2 months old with a neighbor. I could not get on post for 4 1/2 hours. Not a fun time with two kids under 5 and a starving 2 month old left with the neighbor. As I sat in my van that day with my t-shirt soaked from missing two feedings, I was so angry at how our life was being changed. I was angry that I was not able to get to my child who was only 5 miles away from me. I suppose that was a small indication of what life would be like in the future, the separations to come.

Later that evening after numerous phone calls from friends and family about how this would affect us, I was drained. Kevin was at Drill Sergeant School in Missouri so we weren't able to be there for the physical support we both needed. Michael who was only 5 at the time crawled on the couch and asked me if me and his daddy were going to be killed or hurt. My heart broke to hear his question. I asked him why he thought such a thing and he told me it was because people hated America and Soldiers were America's police. At the time I was still in the Reserves and our unit had been called up. The part that made me so angry about his question was that I could not assure him that we wouldn't be hurt or worse because I just didn't know.

Here we are 6 years later and what is it that I know now that I didn't know then? I know that 9-11 has hurt Kevin and I. It has hurt us deeply. It has taken the innocence of my children, it has taken away our security. We are an Army family, a title we bear proudly but one that comes with much sacrifice. My children have had to watch their daddy pack up his belongings and go to war. I have had to fend off the questions of whether daddy will come home alive and keep it together when I answer "I don't know, we just need to pray". My children know kids who's daddies won't come home, they know of our friends who will not be coming back from Iraq the way they left. They know there is always a chance that daddy will go away and not come back.

I know that we lost over 3,000 on that day alone but the sacrifice did not end there, since then we have lost over 4,177 more, at least six of those being people I knew personally. Six might not seem like a big number but I beg you to ask the families of those six special men and tell me that their sacrifice was not significant!

So anyway, that is my ramble for this year's blog. I could write this blog any day of the year as I don't have the luxury of pushing 9-11 into the back of my mind. I'm reminded daily when I watch my husband put on his uniform and go off to "train-to-fight". I'm reminded daily when I look down at the black bracelet I wear always that bears the names of two men who made the sacrifice to defend our nation against another 9-11.

God Bless America and all who sacrifice to keep it free.