Tuesday, September 11, 2012

TDT #5 - September 11, 2012

One of the ways I have always done my countdowns when my  husband is away is by counting trash days.  Most of the time it isn't as daunting a number as the estimated number of days he'll be gone.  And it helps me remember to put the trash out, or rather encourage my boys to put the trash out since it's their job.  So this will be my new weekly post, and I'll just really post whatever, no real set theme.  Please feel free to join me on this adventure of counting down the time until your loved one comes home!
I was trying to think about what I would write today.  I almost decided not to write anything at all.  I don't need all of the sudden pictures on Facebook or Twitter to remind me not to "forget".  I haven't forgotten since that day.  I have reminders all around me on a daily basis.
Kevin's uniform and the combat patch he wears.

The homecoming pictures and goodbye pictures from deployments.

Family pictures that I look at and remember that we took them on my husband's R&R, just a few weeks after one of his good friendS was killed in Iraq.  Yes, there is that connection between death and our family pictures.  For some that may seem sad but to me it reminds me not to forget.

I have contemplated in the past few months to put away the bracelet I currently wear in remembrance of our fallen friends.  I can't do it though...not yet. There will come a day when we will put the bracelets aside but that day is not today.
Those are just a couple reasons why I haven't forgotten what happened 11 years ago.  I'm a constant mix of emotions because of it.  My kids constantly worry that their dad will be sent into harm's way.  My oldest has expressed an interest in joining the Military and that puts a worry in my heart that he'll be sent off to war.  I am proud of his desire to follow in our footsteps to serve his country but I still see the 5 year old boy who on 9-11-01 asked me if we would die because terrorists hated our country.  Now that little boy is talking about going off to basic training next year.

I haven't forgotten what happened 11 years ago.  Our life is dramatically changed.  It's hard to remember what life was like before that day.  I know that my children don't live in a country where their homes are bombed or they are repressed.  They don't worry about their physical safety daily due to the physical act of war in their country but they have lived most of their lives dealing with war.

When I think about all that they have endured I am sad, angry, hurt and so many other emotions.  Sometimes I envy my friends who's kids have never had to worry about their parent's physical safety due to war.  I wish they had a life where the only weapon their dad carried was one he went deer hunting with.  We chose to continue this life after 9-11.  We chose to endure this lifestyle.  My kids have done well with it and we have no regrets.  Because of what we have gone through as a result of what happened 11 years ago, we are stronger...as individuals, as a couple, as a family.  We can't go back in time, we can't waste time wondering what might have been.  The boys have grown up to be wonderful citizens, sacrificing in ways few can understand.
I haven't forgotten, my children's lives are a constant reminder to me of the tragedy that changed America 11 years ago.

Click HERE to read my thoughts on 9-11 in previous years.

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