The Story of Us

*Note* This is Nadine's version of our love story, Kevin often says that some things are not the way she presents them, but since she seems to be the one who blogs, I guess this will be the story known from here on out. LOL

Lately, different conversations have come up as to how Kevin and I met. Mostly it's because there's a lot of love in the air and I've met a lot of people in relationships with Soldiers and I am always proud to announce that we have been married almost 14 years, proving that military marriages DO work.

I think it's fun to reflect and I laugh at some of the comments made, "what did you get married at 12?!" (personally love that one, haha) or "you married YOUR drill sergeant?!", uhm, no!

So let me just tell you "The Story of Us".

Kevin and I met in the Army (no, let me remind you he was NOT my drill sergeant, haha). We had both just arrived to Fort Campbell, KY, me coming from the Idaho Army National Guard and him PCSing (that's Army talk for moving) from Hawaii. We moved in right next to each other in the barracks (think Army dorm rooms) but didn't see each other right away as our unit was in the field when we both got there and we were both doing our own thing.

Our first encounter is one to remember. No folks, it wasn't love at first sight or any of that cheesy crap. No my first encounter with my future husband was at PT (physical training). After our formation, we were split up. Being that we were stationed at the home of Air Assault, those of us who were not qualified had to do special PT to prepare us to go to school. At that time, everyone went to Air Assault School. Kevin had been through Air Assault school in Hawaii (he says it's harder there, who am I to argue?) so he was tasked to be the special PT instructor. Having just got to my unit, not having been in formation yet and barely knowing anyone (because they were all in the field when I got to the unit, remember?), I had no idea what was going on. So as we all walked over to the area we were going to do PT and were waiting for further instruction, I simply asked my roommate Mildred (oh Mildred, we had good times), what we were doing. Not even five seconds later, I have some guy in my face telling me to "beat my face" (that's Army talk for do some pushups). I admit at this point of this entry, sometimes I talk before I think which is not always favorable in the Army, so I opened my mouth to explain why I was talking to which this very LOUD man says to me "I don't care what you are doing Martinez, this is not social hour, now push." So what could I do but beat my face.

I immediately began to form my opinion of this rude NCO who I felt was very out of line. Lo and behold, I finally realize this guy lives next to me. Now I must be tortured to see him daily, many times daily, ugh! We didn't work in the same section, so I was spared in that regard but I had to deal with him at least 3 times a week at these special PT sessions. Mildred and I both disliked him greatly, he was always yelling at us. Of course, now I realize that he was just pushing us to meet our potential (maybe..well, we'll go with that).

A few days after our initial meeting, I needed a wall locker and our First Sergeant told me that SGT Albrecht had extra's in his room. So with frustration, I knock on his door and tell him that I need a wall locker. He shoves a wall locker out of his room and tells me to get one of my boyfriends to help. (I did not have boyfriends, I had guys who were friends I had met while in-processing the post, all were married and they would check on me after I got to my unit, gotta love barracks gossip!) In the process of the shove, he breaks a fluorescent light bulb that was in the metal wall locker. He tells me he is not going to clean it up and I tell him that I am not going to either since he was the one who broke it. He was kind enough to clean it up (insert sarcasm). I had my mind made up about him, I thought he was full of himself. At that time he was friends with another guy named Kevin and that guy really was full of himself, so it didn't help with my impression of Kevin (the one I would eventually marry).

Kevin was also the barracks NCO so he would have to come and inspect our rooms. When he was inspecting my room one day, he noticed I had some dolphin stuff which led him into trying to talk to me about a painting he had bought in Hawaii before he left. He told me I'd have to check it out when his stuff got there. I rolled my eyes and thought whatever and wished he would hurry up and get out of my room.

I tried to limit my contact with him, I just didn't like him and according to another guy in our unit, Kevin thought I was pretty full of myself too.

One afternoon, when I got home from work, I walked past his room and his door was open and he was listening to some crazy techno music. His stuff had finally arrived from Hawaii. I went into my room quickly and shut the door. Not long after that I heard a knock on my door, it was him asking me if I wanted to see his picture. I hesitated and then he offered me a beer. I was 18 years old and not old enough to purchase on my own, so I said yes. (Disclaimer: we no longer drink, either of us..but we did at this time in our life, don't judge us, haha). I went over to his room and looked at his picture. It really is a beautiful picture. We started talking, decided to go out to dinner (Red Lobster, dutch). After that night, we spent a lot of time together, just hanging out, going to dinner. Somewhere along the journey our relationship transitioned from friends to something more.

We probably weren't the smartest people in the beginning of our relationship, I think we will both admit that. I found myself pregnant and both of us were shocked by that. We got married when I was 9 months pregnant, after I had to ask him to marry me because when I first found out I was pregnant, the last thing I wanted was for him to feel like he had to marry me so I told him NOT to ask me to marry him, so he didn't. When I was all crazy, hormonal and overwhelmed by bringing a baby into the world and possibly being without him, I confessed that I loved him and wanted to be with him forever. I told him that I'd like to marry him if he would like to marry me. He immediately said, of course I want to marry you but you TOLD me not to ask you! Oh how I love this man! We got married 3 days later. We had statistics stacked against us. We were dual military and had gotten pregnant before marriage. Both of us knew from the beginning though that we were meant for each other. We've had trials and joys, we've laugh and we've cried. We've dealt with numerous separations. We have beat the odds, we have been married almost 14 years, we have 3 beautiful boys and we have only eternity to go.

It's not the fairytale that many girls dream of..but like I've said before, who needs prince charming when you have camo and HOOAH?

That my friends, is the story of us!

Military Entitlement

This is a subject that really irks me...a lot. I know some may disagree and I can respect that and will respect that but since this is my blog, I can and will write about MY perspective on the matter.

One of the people I have on my FB is married to a person in the military, okay, I have a lot of people on my FB who are members of the military, so that was kind of a stupid statement.

One of my FB "friends" who is married to a member of the military posted on their status something about how ticketmaster didn't appreciate the military because their discount had them in the nosebleed section. That statement really rubbed me the wrong way (obviously enough to have me blogging about it).

This isn't the first time a family member of the military has made a comment like that. And it bothers me, this warped sense of entitlement.

A few months ago on the Fort Hood MWR fan page (MWR = Morale, Welfare, & Recreation) they had posted about dance classes and then listed the cost. Immediately there were responses about what a rip off and how they didn't care about military families and didn't you know we didn't make that much money and what happened to taking care of us...oh it made me sick to read these comments. I have heard similar comments at different stores, on different forums, in different settings. "Don't they know know what my husband is doing for their freedom, the least they could do is give me a discount."

Nowhere in any enlistment contract does it state that a military ID card entitles you to free stuff or discounts on everything or anything for that matter. The many awesome organizations and companies that do offer a discount or free items do so out of the kindness of their hearts, with true desire to show appreciation. They do it because they WANT to, not because they HAVE to!

We aren't rolling in the dough, but we make do. If people would stop and think about how good we really have it, they might stop complaining and playing the "woe is me" card. We don't pay for our medical, we get provided housing in one way or another (either actual money or a house to live in). Plus our Soldiers get an additional allowance for food that they never use, I mean let's be honest, the family spends it. Throw in a raise every year, over 3% for the past few years. Throw in another raise every two years based on your time in service. Oh yeah and for the enlisted side of the house, a pretty nice clothing allowance annually that again..Soldiers rarely use on themselves. And yes, it sucks when our troops deploy but additional pay comes in and oh yeah it's all tax-free while deployed. So financially, if you're smart about it, you'll do okay. Oh and if you need help with your budget, the Army can help you with that too by offering free classes for the Soldier and their family.

As you can see, it really bothers me. Now, let me say that yes, I have taken advantage of military discounts such as our Sea World trips, a discount on our hotel room and certainly think it's nice when an organization/company offers a 10% or 20% discount for military but I don't EXPECT it and I don't get upset if they don't offer one. We were blessed that so many wonderful organizations out there do support our troops. Kevin had many who adopted him and sent him lots of great goodies, he was always surprised when people sent him stuff. I was even more surprised when they would include the rest of the family. I can't even express my gratitude. We were surprised because we never expected it.

I'm fully aware of the sacrifices that my husband has made for his country and the citizens who reside here in America. I just don't feel a sense of entitlement to cash in on it.

Let me end on this note...this is in reference to military discounts, not our Veterans Benefits...THAT would be an entirely different perspective, one I'm way more passionate about and that sense of entitlement IS justified!

Flashback Friday

I was going through some posts I had made in an online community I belong to and came across this one. Since it referenced my 2 year old, it had to have been written sometime in 2003.

I often get asked how I do it. Do what I ask? How do I make it being an Army wife. Don’t you miss your husband? Miss my husband?, I ask. Oh yeah, I could never make it not seeing my husband for days, months, a year. Oh, I guess I’m used to it I say. Used to it? Yeah, that’s life as an Army wife.
I am an Army wife. The pride that fills my body when I say that. It doesn’t mean that it's easy. I have my moments. I have days that just feel odd. Days where all I want to do is cry. I look at my kids and wonder what they are thinking. Do they despise this life that we have? Do they resent the fact that we move every couple years? That they have to start over each time, make new friends. Do they resent that their Daddy can’t take them to Cub Scouts or come to their 20 minute school program. It breaks my heart to hear them ask, "Will Daddy be here this time?" And again I have to say no. Do they resent us?
I stand outside their room and listen to them play. Boys being boys. I overhear one say…"I’ll be daddy this time, you be the Soldier". And then I hear him say…"Private, get down and push!" I giggle softly as my heart takes yet another picture and stores it for safekeeping. My two year old wanders up to me with a plastic Army guy. "This is daddy he says". I ask him.."Daddy?" He holds the toy to me and says "Daddy" and gives him a kiss. Off he runs into his brother’s room, yelling "Platoon!"
My kids are so young, so innocent. This life has been so hard. So many times we’ve abandoned them, left them with family while we play Soldier. Do they resent us? I overheard my 7 year old talking to his friend. "I was born at Fort Campbell, where were you born?" The little boy says "I was born here". My son asks "where else have you lived", the little boy says, "here. This is my home". My son is astonished, "you’ve never lived anywhere else?" "No", says the boy. My son says, "I’ve lived in KY, Idaho, Korea, Idaho, Kansas and now again in Kentucky again. I wish we could move again, we already lived here two years it’s time for us to move." I don’t think he resents us, he looks at our life as an adventure.
But there are moments when our life has been really hard. September 11^th. What a horrible day. My 5 year old son asking me why anyone would hurt America. I don’t know baby, is all I can say. And then he asked me if the bad guys would hurt me and his daddy. I asked him why, he says in a 5 year old’s logic, if they hate America, they hate you, you and daddy are America’s police. How can I argue with that? I’m angry, they stole my child’s innocence. But maybe we handed it to them, with our lifestyle.
It’s not easy being an Army family. Our life is can be difficult. I asked my boys today if they thought our life was hard…both looked at me with question. My 7 year old said, hard? My 5 year old said, no. I said, we’re an Army family and we move all the time and you don’t see your daddy sometimes. Sometimes he leaves us for a long time, and you’ve had to live with your Grandma when mommy and daddy went away.
Both look at me with puzzled looks. My seven year old says, Mommy, doesn’t everyone’s family live like that?
It hit me, this is his life, our life. As military families we are special in that we surround ourselves with people who share this same lifestyle. My children are surrounded by those who live like we do. Modern day nomads. There is no resentment, this is their life, they understand. It’s not a big deal to them, so maybe it shouldn’t be a big deal to me.
I don’t need to focus on how hard it is or how I do it. My kids don’t classify themselves as an Army family. We are a family who happens to be in the Army. And I’m a wife who happens to be married to a Soldier. It’s part of who we are but it’s not all that we are.
I’m an Army wife and proud of it. But I’m just a wife and a mom who loves her husband and kids. I do it because I have to. I have to deal with deployments and long hours like someone else has to deal with taking out the trash and washing dishes. We all have our own wars…

Since the time I wrote that Kevin has been to Iraq twice and we've moved twice...we still love our life.

Freedom Friday, Nov 27, 2009

Thanksgiving 2009 Pics

Thanksgiving 2009

For those who are on my Facebook and Twitter, you already know I'm almost stupid with happiness that my love is home with us this year for Thanksgiving. It's the first Thanksgiving since 2005 that he has got to spend with us. 2005 wasn't the greatest year since it was right before he deployed and one of his Soldiers got in a terrible car accident overshadowing our whole day.

But this year, it's all about us..as a family, together and able to share in our gratitude for the blessings the Lord has brought into our life. We have been blessed to have Kevin return home to us, I'm thankful for that each and everyday, not just on this holiday.

There are many things I am thankful for:

My knowledge of my Heavenly Father and Savior's personal love for me.
The blessing of my children who make me laugh, cry and feel emotions only they can create.

My true friends who love me for me and don't judge me.

(I can't put up a pic here because I have too many friends and wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings! So if you're my friend, imagine your picture here!)

I am thankful for our new assignment and the care Kevin's new command has shown for families.

I am thankful for my parents who love me unconditionally and for my brothers, no matter what happens we are family and in the end that is all that matters.

I am thankful for the members of the Military and their families and the sacrifices they make. In our home, we honor all who serve and those who have fallen, we don't forget.

This year, I am most thankful to have my love home, we get through whatever gets thrown at us, but I love being able to endure together.

Wishing everyone a blessed Thanksgiving! Please keep our Troops serving overseas in your thoughts and prayers. The war doesn't stop for holidays.

Cards to Our Wounded, get the right info!

Some of you may have received an email that has been floating around asking you to send letters/cards to our Wounded Soldiers at Walter Reed, it may have come with the following address:

A Recovering American soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Avenue,NW
Washington,D.C. 20307-5001

DO NOT SEND MAIL TO THE ADDRESS ABOVE. While I'm sure the intent was admirable, you will waste 47 cents sending anything as it will not be handed out to anyone.

HOWEVER, there is a way to send cards to our military personnel and their families if you so desire!

Check out the following link..

http://redcrosschat.org/2009/10/27/holiday-mail-for-heroes-2/

Wordless Wednesday (The Blessing of an Army Family Together)

The Left Side of the Bed

I'm sitting in my bed while I type this. Next to me is the sound of my love snoring softly. This past week as we have been preparing for Thanksgiving, I have been overwhelmed with emotion. This will be our first Thanksgiving together since 2005 and that one wasn't that great. In 2005, one of Kevin's Soldiers was in a terrible car accident and it overshadowed our celebration.

What I love the most is having him home..his presence on the left side of the bed. When he is away, I have a hard time sleeping..I hate being in our bed alone. I often sleep on the couch to avoid feeling the emptiness.

It's funny because many get annoyed over snoring, cold feet and cover hogging...I find deep comfort in all of that. When I find myself starting to feel annoyed by those things..I stop myself and smile because it means...

My love is in his spot...

on the left side of the bed.(Not sure he will appreciate that I took his pic while he was sleeping, haha)

My Craft Fair Treasures

Today we went to the big craft fair here on post. We found some great treasures! I was so excited, it's one of the best ones I've ever attended. There were lots of nice things and they were not overly priced at all like we've run into in the past.

We found yummy jams and lots of fun crafty items. I wish I was far more crafty but I can appreciate those who have that talent.

Here are two of my favorite finds!

Just Because I Love Him

Today I snapped random pics of my husband taking some online training just because. I'm sure it wasn't as much fun for him as it was for me but luckily he loves me for all my craziness.

Controversial

I typically try to stay away from politics or anything overly controversial on our blog since I like to keep our blog family friendly. But these are two topics that have my mind working overtime the past couple days. On both topics, I have been one with an unpopular opinion, which I don't mind because after all, I, like everyone else, is certainly entitled to my opinions.

The first topic is that of those killed and wounded in the Fort Hood shooting should receive Purple Hearts. I do not agree with this. I am the first to say this was a tragedy (one I feel could have been prevented but that's another blog entry). This is not the first account of Soldiers killing Soldiers and not even the first one where someone of Muslim faith was involved and disagreed with their role in the War on Terror. I am not belittling any of these deaths, but in these previous incidents, Soldiers were not awarded Purple Hearts. I do think that it's sad but I think it's a political move. In one article I read that it was being proposed so that the families could receive the max insurance. Regardless they would still receive the max insurance, with or without the Purple Heart.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/11/17/fort.hood.medals/index.html

I love the Army, I care about Soldiers, I was blown away by the incident at Fort Hood, (that was our home for 5 years, I have been in the very building the shootings took place). But I think it will be an injustice for those who have received a Purple Heart in combat. As it is, I think they already hand out the Purple Heart too easily in some cases.

The second topic would be the young Soldier who refused to deploy to Afghanistan because she didn't have anyone to take care of her baby. I say discharge. I know the media is having a great time with this story, poor girl being stripped from her child. Well let me tell you how this works. When that young Soldier found out she was pregnant, she was called in by her commander and counseled. During that counseling she was given the option to stay in the Army or to get out. Obviously her choice was to stay in the Army. She was counseled then that she would need to have a Family Care Plan in place and failure to have one could result in discharge. So it's not like this is a shock. I get that her mom said she was overwhelmed...I can't say I understand it since she takes care of other people's kids all day and would turn away her own flesh and blood (oh, was that judgmental?). So, yes..it sucks that she would have to leave her child and it's a tough situation I know. But here's the bottom line. She had options, she had choices, and now she is going back on her obligation. So no, I do not feel sorry for her because she created this situation. I say discharge and move on. I think the Army has been playing the nice game too long. We have people trying hard to get in the Army who can't, so let's get rid of dead weight and bring in someone who will fulfill their obligation.

http://www.armytimes.com/news/2009/11/ap111609_singlemom_deploy/

And for the record, I had all 3 of my kids in the Army, never missed movement and left my children behind when duty called. I fulfilled my obligation and chose to ETS (finish my term) and get out when I felt I could no longer be a good Soldier and a good mother. I have no regrets for my time in uniform.

4 Months

Today, Kevin has been home for exactly 4 months! Where does the time go and why doesn't it go this fast when they are deployed? We have been blessed with LOTS of family time. He went to work officially for the first time today. It was kind of weird. I felt sad and lonely...he wasn't even a mile away from me. I'm not usually so sappy but today was just weird. I loved having him come home though, give me a kiss and nothing is better then seeing your sexy man in uniform!

I feel blessed for the family time that we have had. I look forward to more family time during our assignment here. I know this is where we are supposed to be.

That's My...I mean OUR kid...

Let me start off this entry by saying, I am very grateful to have my husband home with me. The words I am about to type are real life after deployment and lots of separation.

For the majority of our marriage, Kevin and I have been separated. It seems like for much of the past 10 years, Kevin would come to visit us for a while and then off to his next adventure. Because of that trend, I have gotten used to doing things on my own and doing them my own way. For most of the past 10 years, he has not been around enough to really disrupt our life too much. Well we are going on 4 months straight of Kevin being home uninterrupted and looks like that could be the new trend as we are in an assignment that promises to have him home more. I am very grateful for that.

Let me be honest though..this is a very hard transition for me. Having someone else in the house playing mean grown up is a blessing and a challenge. It's funny because we have always talked about how we are going to raise our kids, what our expectations are and even how we are going to discipline, but for much of the past decade I have been the main person to put it into action. Don't get me wrong. When Kevin is home, he is very hands on, he is a wonderful father and amazing partner, he just hasn't been here much due to Army mission.

So now we are embarking on the next part of our Army journey and I am overwhelmed with having him home. I'm trying to let go and let him be an active part of our lives...here physically. I hope other military wives will understand this next sentiment, sometimes I feel like telling him to stop yelling at my kids. But these are our kids, and I know this. Letting go is harder then I thought it would be. I was so caught up in the joy of being a family together again, I didn't think about how hard the adjustment would be. And while we are at it, let's throw in a move, new unit, new schools for the kids and not really knowing anyone while going through all of this.

Let's also add that mom kind of gets kicked to the curb. I have been sole physical supporter for much of these past few years and have enjoyed all the time I have gotten to spend with my boys. Sometimes I have to smile through the pain when one of my boys chooses to be with their dad over me. I know they don't do it intentionally but it still bites. I love watching my kids interact with their dad...I just want them to remember that mom is still around...the possibilities with both parents home are endless.

This is real Army life..in the Bible it says that you can't know joy without knowing sorrow and I suppose in our case we can't be truly grateful for what we have without having experiencing the sacrifices we've made.

I love my husband and I am thankful to have him home. I feel blessed that we are able to be in one place..together, to raise our kids. I am thankful to have him as a partner because he really is a great father.

I just hope I'm as good a mother as he is a father because if I'm half of what he is, our kids are pretty darn lucky.

Veterans Day 2009

November 11, 2009 was the first Veterans day since 2005 that I got to spend time with my favorite Veteran. My husband has either been in Iraq or preparing to go to Iraq for the last 4 years. I am grateful for his sacrifice and so grateful that I got to see him and celebrate him in person.

Veterans Day. I personally think that everyday should be a day where we honor those who protect our freedoms and liberties.

We kept it low key. We attended the local Veterans Day parade and got pummeled by candy...seriously, I should have borrowed Kevin's body armor. It was neat though, it was awesome to see the different Veterans and all the local organizations supporting our military. I'll be honest, I kept glancing at my husband, smiling and feeling blessed to spend time with him.



After the parade, we had lunch at Applebees and enjoyed our free entrees (Kevin and mine were free since we are Veterans). We had a great waiter who was so nice. We didn't have a long wait or anything and had a great meal.

We concluded our days honors by visiting the post Cemetery. Each of the boys placed a flag on a tombstone. I am amazed that there were not flags there before. (Have some ideas for next year).

I loved watching my boys walk through and read all the tombstones. I admire their reverence and their desire to honor.

We spent the rest of the afternoon/evening together talking about what Veterans Day means to each of us.

We usually do things bigger and grander but simplicity works too. We are grateful for those who have served and continue to serve to protect our freedom.

To my husband, I love you and am blessed by your sacrifice.

God Bless the Fallen of Fort Hood 11/5/2009

I wanted to write while emotion was still fresh. Attending a military memorial service has to be one of the hardest things I've ever done. Sadly, I've attended a few. Watching a live stream was just as real as sitting in one of the pews at the chapel. I admit that I had some reservations about watching it, I am not into the dog and pony show that sometimes occurs when "big names" attend such events. I wanted to keep in my own perspective what this opportunity was about. To allow closure for many, a chance at a goodbye. Sometimes we get caught up in the "event and protocol" of it all that we lose sight of what really matters. What mattered today was honoring these 13 Soldiers who lost their lives tragically. The news continues to call one a civilian which technically he was, but upon further research you find out that he is a retired Soldier and therefore I will respect him in that manner because "Once a Soldier, Always a Soldier" (I credit a milblogger for that term).

As I watched, I was able to keep myself in emotional check. I thought the sentiments of the speakers were nice. I'll leave it at that as to keep the integrity of my post. I braced myself for what was to come and was grateful that I was in the privacy of my bedroom because I admit that Final Roll Call, the 21 Gun Salute and TAPS always does me in.

If you have never had the honor of attending a military memorial service or funeral, you can't understand the emotion that comes with it. I think inside we all become a little idealistic that perhaps someone will answer when their name is called and the silence is so deafening it cuts into your soul. And as if that cut isn't deep enough the shots ringing out in tribute pierce through your heart and just when you think there is no more emotion left in you, the sound of a silent bugler playing the notes to TAPS sucks away the very last bit of composure. Or at least it does for me.

Yes, I could avoid such emotion but it is the LEAST I can do to HONOR these great Americans for their sacrifice. They chose as many stated today "something bigger then themselves". They didn't know me but they willingly provided me with my freedom and that alone is reason enough to take the time to honor them.

Honor...it's one of the 7 Army Values..along with Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity and Personal Courage. If you have taken the time to listen to the stories and the sequence of events from November 5th, you'll capture all of those values within the actions of the Fallen, the Wounded and the responders...THAT is what this Army life is about, THAT is why I am proud to call myself an Army Veteran, an Army Wife, an Army family and an Army supporter. That my friends is what the statement ARMY STRONG truly means.

Please, take a moment...read each name and pay tribute with HONOR the 13 Fallen Heroes of Fort Hood. God Speed Soldiers, you have been redeployed to Heaven

MAJ Libardo Caraveo, 52, Woodbridge, Va.

SPC Frederick Greene, 29, Mountain City, Tenn.

CW2 (Ret.) Michael Cahill, 62, Cameron

PVT Francheska Velez, 21, Chicago

PFC Aaron Thomas Nemelka, 19, West Jordan, Utah

PFC Michael Pearson, 31, Bolingbrook, Ill.

SPC Jason Dean Hunt, 27, Frederick, Okla.

SGT Amy Krueger, 29, Kiel, Wisc.

PFC Kham Xiong, 23, St. Paul, Minn.

LTC Juanita Warman, 55, Pittsburgh, Pa.

CPT Russell Seager, 51, Racine, Wisc.

SSG Justin DeCrow, 32, Fort Gordon, Ga.

CPT John Gaffaney, 56, San Diego, Calif.

Huh?

That's how I feel. Still after a couple days, I am still in disbelief at the events that occurred at Fort Hood. I'm a mix of sadness and anger. I've tried to stay away from the media because I find that it makes me angry. There are many things I am disappointed about. I'm disappointed about those who are just stepping forward to say "oh I always wondered about him". Yeah, now? A little too late don't you think? I'm mad about those who think that PTSD is contagious...(go HERE to read an excellent post on the matter). I'm extremely disappointed in how our CinC reacted or rather his lack of reaction. I do admire former President Bush and his wife for their visit without the fanfare to the wounded and their families.
I have a lot of thoughts on the matter, oh trust me my brain has gone through many scenarios and what ifs. Of course, in the end, I'm one of those helpless fools who can only grieve and offer prayers of support.

I'd like to share some blogs that express some of what I am feeling. *WARNING- some may display explicit language*

A wolf in sheepdog's clothing

My Opinion This Morning

And last is a wonderful article by a Muslim Soldier currently serving in Iraq

In Iraq, the Fort Hood attack hit home

I'd like to point out that there were many heroes that day. Many Soldiers who performed the Army Values to a "T". They displayed selfless service and loyalty. That ladies and gentlemen is what a true Soldier does. Obviously the man wearing the uniform that day who brought harm to others who wear the same colors did not know the meaning of LDRSHIP.

God Bless Fort Hood

Tonight as I write this entry, my heart is sad.

One month ago today, we drove out of the very gates at Fort Hood that have been seen all over the world. We may have left Fort Hood physically, but it remains very much a part of our lives.

I still can't believe that there was this horrific tragedy there. I cannot believe one of our own has killed. I am sad and I am angry.

I have spent much of the afternoon/evening on the phone with my family there. Yes, I said family. One of the blessings of being in the military is acquiring all the extended family. And tonight, someone hurt my family.

I talked to my friends who were separated from their kids for hours. I talked to my friends who were in lock down in different buildings. I cannot imagine their fear, I just know the fear I had in my heart and in my soul.

The boys were worried about their friends. One who got home at 8:28 p.m., that's insane!!!

I will not give any attention to the jerk who did this, there will be plenty anyway from the media.

When the names of the victims are released, I will honor them.

To my Fort Hood family...my heart, my thoughts, my soul is with you tonight.