Let me start off this entry by saying, I am very grateful to have my husband home with me. The words I am about to type are real life after deployment and lots of separation.
For the majority of our marriage, Kevin and I have been separated. It seems like for much of the past 10 years, Kevin would come to visit us for a while and then off to his next adventure. Because of that trend, I have gotten used to doing things on my own and doing them my own way. For most of the past 10 years, he has not been around enough to really disrupt our life too much. Well we are going on 4 months straight of Kevin being home uninterrupted and looks like that could be the new trend as we are in an assignment that promises to have him home more. I am very grateful for that.
Let me be honest though..this is a very hard transition for me. Having someone else in the house playing mean grown up is a blessing and a challenge. It's funny because we have always talked about how we are going to raise our kids, what our expectations are and even how we are going to discipline, but for much of the past decade I have been the main person to put it into action. Don't get me wrong. When Kevin is home, he is very hands on, he is a wonderful father and amazing partner, he just hasn't been here much due to Army mission.
So now we are embarking on the next part of our Army journey and I am overwhelmed with having him home. I'm trying to let go and let him be an active part of our lives...here physically. I hope other military wives will understand this next sentiment, sometimes I feel like telling him to stop yelling at my kids. But these are our kids, and I know this. Letting go is harder then I thought it would be. I was so caught up in the joy of being a family together again, I didn't think about how hard the adjustment would be. And while we are at it, let's throw in a move, new unit, new schools for the kids and not really knowing anyone while going through all of this.
Let's also add that mom kind of gets kicked to the curb. I have been sole physical supporter for much of these past few years and have enjoyed all the time I have gotten to spend with my boys. Sometimes I have to smile through the pain when one of my boys chooses to be with their dad over me. I know they don't do it intentionally but it still bites. I love watching my kids interact with their dad...I just want them to remember that mom is still around...the possibilities with both parents home are endless.
This is real Army life..in the Bible it says that you can't know joy without knowing sorrow and I suppose in our case we can't be truly grateful for what we have without having experiencing the sacrifices we've made.
I love my husband and I am thankful to have him home. I feel blessed that we are able to be in one place..together, to raise our kids. I am thankful to have him as a partner because he really is a great father.
I just hope I'm as good a mother as he is a father because if I'm half of what he is, our kids are pretty darn lucky.