It's interesting the things that will trigger emotions in you. Today it was a picture of food. One of my friends posted some food on Facebook that she was taking her husband and the Soldiers in his unit. That picture sparked memories of when I used to do the same thing for Kevin and his Soldiers. So many units, so much time, so much pride.
That all changed during our time at Fort Hood. His first unit was great, we built such a great bond. So many of the people in that unit will remain close no matter where the Army sends us. We endured so much. We don't have to talk every day to know that we have each other's backs.
His second unit...not so much.
The recent shooting at Fort Hood stirred up conversation between Kevin and I about who we thought might still be there and how we hoped everyone was okay. The conversation took a turn to some of the people who were in his last unit and how we thought they were doing. We didn't linger over names because the memories that were brought back weren't good. Don't get me wrong, there are a few people I feel so grateful to have met and I still keep in contact with them but there are many that I am okay with never crossing paths with ever again.
I know that sounds harsh and unforgiving. Details aren't important but what I realized today is that unit broke me. It broke me in so many ways. It made me so that I have not given everything like I had before. I didn't engage with families or Soldiers in Kevin's units since then. It made me hesitant to care like I used to care.
Coming to that realization today breaks my heart. I have always loved serving Soldiers and their Families and I do so in other ways but I have not let myself become too attached. Some may say that's a good thing, but for me...it's not.
I suppose in many ways I was naive to think that the Army I loved so much would always protect me and my family. When it didn't, it hurt...a lot.
I admit I'm still very angry at certain people, I pray that someday I can move past certain names and be as forgiving as I know I should be. I'm not there yet. I hope that today was a breakthrough to truly healing.