Monday, May 27, 2013

Memorial Day 2013

I'm sitting here at my house. In thirty minutes, there will be a Memorial Day service at the local Veterans Cemetery.  I thought about going but I know I won't.  The last time I went to a public Memorial Day service was in 2008 when a friend of ours was being honored.  I just can't bring myself to participate in a huge, public setting like that.

One of my sweet friends has spent a lot of time and effort organizing a run to remember our fallen.  I was up in time to go, I just couldn't force myself out the door.  It might seem silly, but I just can't do big groups on Memorial Day.  My remembering and honoring is very personal and private.  I'm not saying that anyone who attends these events is wrong, I admire them for going and doing, I just can't.

I don't really know why, I just know that this is what works for me.  I'm pretty reflective for the whole week leading up to the actual day.  I get extremely emotional.  I think about my friends who have lived without their loved ones.  My heart aches for them.

This past weekend, my amazing friend danced for her husband.  I cannot explain the pride I have for her.  She amazes me.  I wasn't there but I can imagine and when I think about it, I cry.  She has had such courage for the past seven years, honoring her fallen husband.  Memorial Day is hard for her as you can imagine, but for her Memorial Day is everyday.

I try  hard not to get angry when people wish me a "happy" Memorial Day or thank me as a Veteran or thank my husband for his service.  I know they mean well but today isn't Veterans Day, it's Memorial Day.  It's not a day to go visit just anyone who has passed on, but to stop and remember those who have paid the price of freedom.

I'm a mix of emotions this weekend.  I'm grateful for them.  Our service men and women who have fallen on behalf of my freedom deserve my tears, my heartache and my memories.  They deserve so much more but that is all I have to offer.

I saw a picture one of the Soldiers posted of his daughter looking at a picture of our fallen friend.  Instant tears and then a smile...our fallen shall never be forgotten as long as we remember them.  I will not forget.

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