Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Reality Check

This is going to be an open and honest post about myself. I received a serious reality check last night about my body and weight. I am absolutely disgusted with myself. I attended the Extreme Makeover: Home Edition taping that they did here locally for the Veterans Day special they will be airing. I even got to go on stage as a Veteran. One of my dear friends snapped lots of pictures of me standing on the stage. When I looked at them today I was HORRIFIED. I know I am overweight and I know that there are parts of my flawed body that certain styles just won't hide. I am absolutely embarrassed at my choice of outfit yesterday. All I can think of is that I have a seriously distorted view of myself. I look fat and gross with big flubby belly and seriously saggy boobs...really, why doesn't my mirror show how seriously flabby I looked yesterday. And now I have a high chance of being on TV being portrayed as a Veteran, I am seriously disgusted with myself.

I admit I am currently at my highest pant size EVER in my life and while I haven't weighed myself, I'm pretty sure I am at my highest weight outside of pregnancy (and maybe even higher than). I know that I do not always look grotesquely obese like the pictures I saw this morning show me to be but I think I really needed that reality check.

I need to do something and change my lifestyle. While I do eat junk food and drink some soda, it's not an everyday thing. I don't even overeat. I know part of my problem is that I don't take in enough calories a day so my body stores them (had a lovely doctor tell me once that if I ate more I wouldn't be as fat..talk about confusing!). I do not exercise as much as I should. I have some issues with crappy body parts thanks to the U.S. Army but I have always tried my best to not use that as an excuse to be lazy. I try to be up and moving around as much but obviously that is not enough. I do pretty good when I walk/jog but I'm not consistent.

I allow my own insecurities get the best of me about going to the gym and working out with some of the ladies from my church group. They are all way cute in their workout outfits and super fit. I don't want to be the bumpy, fat girl next to them.

I need to be accountable for myself. I am grateful that I am not super unhealthy yet considering my weight and laziness. I need to set a plan and put it into action.

I am a fat girl..there is no denying it, there are pictures to prove it. I don't need to be a size 2, I just need to be healthy and I'm not.

So there it is...a serious reality check. I'll even post a picture when I upload the pictures from my camera or you can watch EMHE on Veterans Day. I won't even have to tell you which one to look for, you'll just know!


Amanda said...

Awww, pictures always make us feel the worst about ourselves. If you want to make a change besides the eating just find 30 minutes of your day at least 3 times a week for a really brisk walk- while holding some 3llbs weights in your hands. It's a start- its not hard & it get's you moving in the right direction! I have rallied four ladies in my neighborhood & we workout of my house 3 days a week now- so I know the feeling of needing a lifestyle change. Goodluck!

USMCWIFE said...

As a woman who is deeply loved by my family, my husband and son included I can tell you something I think we may have in common. When my hubs came home from his last deployment, not this one, one before my son was a Sr (as you know), and we were heading on a cross country pcs (as you also know) and i was stressed, and I ate and I ate and I didn’t exercise but when I looked in the mirror and I didn’t see it. I mean I knew I had gained weight but my husband still thought I was beautiful and my son still thought I was the best mom to ever live....and that is all I felt was love..but I also seen pictures later down the line and realized I had gained about 30 pounds..and I felt horrible but no one else seemed to care or notice as I am sure is the case in your home. I think we are so blessed to have such wonderful men in our lives that see us and love us and no matter we are loved. It’s kind of wonderful. But now the trick is trying to see ourselves through their eyes. I recognized I needed to get back down to my normal, healthy weight just because I wanted to be fit, not so much for how I looked. It took a lot of hard work but I am almost there ... you are beautiful inside and out so when you think it’s time, which seems to be now your going to do what needs to be done!! Good luck my friend, and if you want to think about weight watchers it was a great sensible plan that allowed me to still eat all the foods I loved and loss weight!

Fireball and Thrillhouse said...

Ugh! I can so relate to this. My picture made front of the Community section for our non-profit two Sundays ago. If that wasn't motivation to work a little harder on my health I don't know what else could be. It is hard - living a busy and full-filled life helping and serving takes a toll on the body in other ways while working the heart. Reality checks suck, but they are good and knowing you - you will make the best of it and be blessed because of it.