It's been a while...I've stayed pretty busy and preoccupied with so many things. I can't believe we are heading into December. Finding a new balance with Kevin being home and the boys back at school has taken over my life. I'm kind of at a crossroads. I feel like I need to be looking for a job but it has to be the right job to give up the flexibility I have. It has to be worth that sacrifice. I know many people work and they are probably reading this thinking that I'm being crazy but it has to be the right fit. It's important to me. I also don't want to give up the flexibility of being there for my family for something I will resent later on. Ugh, so frustrating.
Thankfully there's not a rush and Kevin is so supportive of all I do but it's hard as we begin to really think about transitioning out of the Army. I'm just grateful to be able to be here for my kids the way I want to be. To be able to enjoy Michael's last year home. I know when he graduated, it will be a new chapter for our family. Nothing will ever be the same and that just puts an ache in my heart. I know this is how life is supposed to happen, I'm just not ready. I have really tried so hard to give him the freedom he needs before he heads out on his own but I so badly want to hold on tight and not let go. I already miss him and he's not even gone. I love my boys so much, they have been one of the biggest blessings in my life. I can't imagine not interacting with them on a daily basis. Oh, I make myself cry constantly over thinking this aspect of life.
I know I shouldn't stress about such trivial things. I am a pretty lucky girl. I am married to an amazing man who loves me for me, even when I'm being cranky or crazy. I have three awesome boys who respect me and treat me well as a mother. They put up with my incessant need to love on them and give me hugs when I need them, especially Neil who despises hugs! Even when I feel a little lost as to where I'm headed, they keep me grounded and remind me of what is truly important.