Thursday, September 27, 2012

Grudges

Most of my life I was a grudge holder.  After making a commitment to really focus on the blessing the Lord has given me and to really try hard to forgive and forget (you know, not bring up past transgressions ALL the time), I was really  making progress.  It truly is freeing to not hold grudges.  I have regressed in the past couple months though and it really frustrates me.

I thought that I had moved past a particular situation but in the past few days I have found myself full out angry and realize that I am not.  My feelings were hurt pretty badly and while I thought I had moved on, it's quite clear that I haven't and I'm still allowing this to eat away at me.  That makes me so angry with myself because I know the other people involved in the situation aren't losing sleep, energy or time thinking about how I felt about the whole situation.  I never truly received an apology and I felt like I had processed the situation and accepted that.

I know I need to continue praying and moving forward and I'm trying.  I guess it's a good reminder to me that when you mess with my family, I don't process my grudges well.


2 comments:

Jen said...

I have always been a grudge holder as well, it is hard to break the habit sometimes.

Bethanne said...

Oh. :( I hate seeing the flawed me. It's really frustrating. Hope you feel better soon. I'll say a prayer for you... you say one for me, cuz I need it!