As I flip 2008 in my mind I try to capture moments or feelings that stand out to me. I recall bringing in 2008 with Kevin and the boys, receiving a combined kiss from all of my men at the stroke of midnight. I also remember thinking that come 2009, Kevin would be far away and I'd be without my love for yet another holiday. As the deployment approached I tried to be strong, tried to keep in perspective the bigger picture. By the time June 10 rolled around, I realized I wasn't so strong after all. I fell apart. This deployment has proved harder for some reason. I think it's because of the experiences we had during the last one. I've tried to keep the same mentality to find strength in my Heavenly Father and my Savior. Some days are better then others. I have however, seen growth in myself in many ways. I've had many learning experiences to draw strength from. It certainly hasn't been easy and some of the lessons have caused great heartache but all are part of the journey and I do understand that.
I've watched my boys grow into these amazing young men. They have the best sense of humor and a sense of responsibility, each at their own level of course. I find myself amazed often as I watch them learn and grow. I have seen what an example of strength they are. They serve in this Army lifestyle with silent strength. They have a sense of pride when it comes to their dad that I don't think even I can relate to. It's been awesome to have this experience with them.
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. I have to say I agree. With each passing day I miss and love Kevin more and more. The ache in my heart is almost a physical pain, it's hard to explain. I know this separation is part of our trial here on earth and we will endure it. I am grateful for the technology we have so we can remain close. But even better then technology I am so grateful for the spiritual intimacy that Kevin and I share.
I think that 2008 was a year of friendship for me. Gaining new relationships and bidding farewell to others and being okay with it. I had some pretty awesome experiences with friends this year. The awesome I use describes both amazing and overwhelming circumstances. Each one providing me an opportunity for self-reflection and growth. My heart broke for many this year, all who continue to be in my prayers.
I don't know what 2009 will bring, for sure some changes as we try to chart the next step in our Army career. I pray that the new year brings opportunity for our friends and for ourselves. I hope to be able to reflect on my earthly experiences to be a better daughter of God and to build a stronger relationship with my Savior.
Overall, I just want to be a good person, serving others and teaching that to my children.
What I'm most excited for in 2009 is being reunited with my eternal companion. I love you Kevin, happy new year!