As time rushes on, I find myself emotionally overwhelmed. Kevin leaves soon, sooner than I'd like to admit. I thought I was handling it pretty well, but the past few days I've felt myself very emotional. Not just tears welling up at random moments, but being cranky and very witchlike. I find myself very short-tempered with my husband and my kids.
I think it's got a lot to do with the fact that we have been anticipating this deployment for over 18 months. We knew before he returned last time that he was headed back. In the months that he's been "home", he hasn't been home. You throw in two rotations to NTC, a rotation to JRTC, plus a school over the summer and some random field exercises, well..he hasn't been home much at all, has he?
I am grateful for the time we have had..we know people who weren't stateside for even a full 365 days so I am mindful enough to have gratitude for 18 months that we have had.
But as I mentioned in the opening, all of this has made me crazy emotional...if I'm not feeling like I'm about to break down crying, I'm super annoyed or angry. Sometimes it's at myself, at my kids and most often my poor husband. Somehow in our subconscious we think that if we part while being angry with one another it will make the goodbye easier. Realistically this is not true. I do catch myself before it explodes but it's tiring.
I'd like to stop time yet at the same time hurry it along and get this started. The sooner he leaves, the sooner he gets home, right? Having been down this road before, I know this not to be true either but perhaps I can fool myself enough to believe it.