Sunday, June 01, 2008

Emotion Overload

As time rushes on, I find myself emotionally overwhelmed. Kevin leaves soon, sooner than I'd like to admit. I thought I was handling it pretty well, but the past few days I've felt myself very emotional. Not just tears welling up at random moments, but being cranky and very witchlike. I find myself very short-tempered with my husband and my kids.

I think it's got a lot to do with the fact that we have been anticipating this deployment for over 18 months. We knew before he returned last time that he was headed back. In the months that he's been "home", he hasn't been home. You throw in two rotations to NTC, a rotation to JRTC, plus a school over the summer and some random field exercises, well..he hasn't been home much at all, has he?

I am grateful for the time we have had..we know people who weren't stateside for even a full 365 days so I am mindful enough to have gratitude for 18 months that we have had.

But as I mentioned in the opening, all of this has made me crazy emotional...if I'm not feeling like I'm about to break down crying, I'm super annoyed or angry. Sometimes it's at myself, at my kids and most often my poor husband. Somehow in our subconscious we think that if we part while being angry with one another it will make the goodbye easier. Realistically this is not true. I do catch myself before it explodes but it's tiring.

I'd like to stop time yet at the same time hurry it along and get this started. The sooner he leaves, the sooner he gets home, right? Having been down this road before, I know this not to be true either but perhaps I can fool myself enough to believe it.

4 comments:

WolfleyFamily said...

Oh Nadine, I still cringe at those pre-deployment emotional roller coasters. It seemed like that's when we had so many arguments about such little things. I remember, too, just wanting to do both - speed up the departure to speed up the return, or just stop time altogether. I know you're strong and will make it through this but I know me saying that doesn't really help, either. I guess all I can offer is that we'll keep your family in our prayers and to say hang in there!

J&M said...

(((Hugs)))

Barton 6 said...

I think the anticipation of the second deployment to Iraq is the hardest thing. I went through the same emotions you are. We pushed each other away and were cranky all the time then it was time to say good-bye and we clung to each other and couldn't say "I love you" enough. The first deployment the fear of the unknown is hard. You really cannot fathom what a year apart feels like, well at least I couldn't. The second time around you know exactly how long it feels and exactly how hard it is going to be. You want the goodbye over with and yet you never want it to come. My thoughts are with you.

We may still be here next fall, we'll know in about 10 days. If we're here I want to help ya out with PTA in some way. I need something positive to get involved with.

Jason & Dorshan said...

Yes, it is not cool to have time fly so fast. I am looking forward to going to Dallas Friday. That will be a needed day for us. It has been over a year since we have gone together. I am looking forward to being strengthened as we press on to deployment day. :)