"Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you're living?" Bob Marley
I posted this as my Facebook status the other day and it has really had me thinking. Am I truly satisfied with the life I'm living? For the most part I am. But there is a part of my life I have been struggling with and even though I have known for months what I need to do, I have avoided doing it.
This past week I have spent a lot of time just thinking about things. I took the week off from going into the office I basically volunteer full-time in and let me tell you how refreshing it was. My reason for taking the week off was a sad one, but the timing of some extra time off to really focus on me was a blessing. I don't think I have truly spent any of my time away from office alone. I took most of the summer off to be with Kevin and the boys but I didn't get much "me" time mixed in that.
I have accepted that there are some aspects in my volunteer world that make me very unhappy. I also have come to the realization that it has nothing to do with the organizations themselves but some of the people. Michael helped me to realize that. He had tried out and made the school play. He was enjoying it at first but the drama teacher was very difficult to be around. After a quite a few weeks of tolerating it, Michael made the decision to leave the toxic environment. I was so proud of him for seeing that it wasn't worth the time and effort when one person made it difficult for everyone. I thought it was a very responsible and adult decision to make. It also made me realize that I have allowed myself to be sucked into a few different toxic environments.
Those environments are draining...physically and emotionally. I've struggled with my choice to continue in that direction, often becoming frustrated with myself for putting up with such toxicity in my life. Michael helped me to realize what I already know but needed to be reminded of...I am in control.
As I took this week off to support a friend who lost her daughter unexpectedly, I was reminded that life is too short to put up with nonsense. While many people don't understand the choices I make, I am not required to justify anything to them.
I need to shift my priorities a bit...well maybe not shift but live according to what I want without worrying about others. I need to do what makes ME happy.
I am so grateful for the clarity I received this week and I am grateful for running across the quote I begin this entry with. Sometimes we need reminders and while some reminders are harsh and bitter, they are there for our own good.
My goal in the next couple weeks is to adjust my life and priorities to where they need to be so I can say, "YES, I am satisfied with my life!"