Saturday, October 31, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
The Blessings of Fasting
For anyone who has read our blog for any amount of time, you know that we are a Christ centered home. We don't try to announce it every chance we get because we would hope that it is seen through our actions.
That being said, this entry will be all about His Grace. Once a month at our church we fast. Fasting is a time that we can come closer to our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. While we do fast in our church once a month, we have also fasted at other times when we felt there was something we felt we needed answers or guidance about.
This week fell into that category. Our housing situation was starting to weigh a bit heavy on our minds and our finances. After praying over and over we knew we were not supposed to buy a house here, that we were to wait for on-post housing. The kids are all settled in their schools, we are starting to get involved in the community, every prayer resulted in feeling that we were meant to live on post.
Every day when we called Housing we were met with more bad news. It seemed the time for waiting got longer and longer instead of shorter. We have been calling around for rentals and temporary housing. We were being frustrated as everywhere we turned there was a closed door. While I love the Army, I was starting to lose my faith in their system. How do you move families to new places and not have resources for them? How do you explain putting families in a financial bind? As we were faced with this challenge, we thought about those new to the Army with fewer resources then we had, how would they fare? We continued to pray and I had peace that all would work out. Kevin had lots of stress.
We decided that we would fast. We asked the boys if they would like to join us, letting them know that we understood if they didn't feel ready. Michael and Neil readily agreed. Daniel thought about it. He decided that he would join in. We let him know that he could end the fast anytime he wanted, we knew he was still young and might not be able to tolerate fasting for 24 hours.
Our fast for me was very enlightening. I slept better, I felt rested and felt much peace. Both the older boys said they felt really good. Poor Daniel started to struggle about lunch time. We could tell with the change in his demeanor but he would not break his fast. He was determined to go all the way.
We broke our fast with prayer. No time through our fast did we pray for a house. We prayed that the Lord would guide us according to His will and we were willing to accept whatever that was.
If it meant moving into a hotel for 3 months, renting an unfurnished apartment and sleeping on air mattresses for a couple months, we even entertained the Idaho of me going home to my parents and living there until a house on post came available.
Kevin spent an hour making call after call today finally getting a lead on an economy apartment not too far from post. It wasn't the ideal situation but we were willing. And I was prepared to call my mom and ask if I could come home if that didn't work out.
We were literally on our way to check out the apartment when Kevin received a phone call. The lady asked if we were still interested in living on post. Kevin said yes! We soon had an appointment to go look at a house. We knew the Lord had His hands in this. We had just been to Housing not even an hour earlier and the lady was very grim when she told us that we were on the slowest list with the least amount of houses available. She said we would be lucky to get in 3-6 months. So we were very surprised when this other lady called us.
She told us that this street had just become available, it was only open for a certain rank and we were the first on the list to be called.
It's an older house but it's a solid house. It's an individual house versus a duplex style. We did lose 300 square feet from what we had at Hood but we will manage. We weighed all the different aspects. Would it be worth our housing allowance? Because it's an older house, all of our utilities are included without being metered. We also will have our lawn taken care of both in mowing and with the leaves clean up at no cost to us. We have hardwood floors, no stairs and no carpet! We felt that it was worth our BAH. We have a beautiful view of a tree line from our back door, that also means no back neighbors. We get to keep Daniel in his school which was something he prayed for. We will be less then a mile from Kevin's office and are close by the PX and the commissary.
We know that this house is a blessing and we accept it as such. Sure we could have waited the 3-6 months for a slightly bigger, newer house but we know that this is the where the Lord wants us.
God is good and when we ask of Him and understand His Will, we will be blessed.
That being said, this entry will be all about His Grace. Once a month at our church we fast. Fasting is a time that we can come closer to our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. While we do fast in our church once a month, we have also fasted at other times when we felt there was something we felt we needed answers or guidance about.
This week fell into that category. Our housing situation was starting to weigh a bit heavy on our minds and our finances. After praying over and over we knew we were not supposed to buy a house here, that we were to wait for on-post housing. The kids are all settled in their schools, we are starting to get involved in the community, every prayer resulted in feeling that we were meant to live on post.
Every day when we called Housing we were met with more bad news. It seemed the time for waiting got longer and longer instead of shorter. We have been calling around for rentals and temporary housing. We were being frustrated as everywhere we turned there was a closed door. While I love the Army, I was starting to lose my faith in their system. How do you move families to new places and not have resources for them? How do you explain putting families in a financial bind? As we were faced with this challenge, we thought about those new to the Army with fewer resources then we had, how would they fare? We continued to pray and I had peace that all would work out. Kevin had lots of stress.
We decided that we would fast. We asked the boys if they would like to join us, letting them know that we understood if they didn't feel ready. Michael and Neil readily agreed. Daniel thought about it. He decided that he would join in. We let him know that he could end the fast anytime he wanted, we knew he was still young and might not be able to tolerate fasting for 24 hours.
Our fast for me was very enlightening. I slept better, I felt rested and felt much peace. Both the older boys said they felt really good. Poor Daniel started to struggle about lunch time. We could tell with the change in his demeanor but he would not break his fast. He was determined to go all the way.
We broke our fast with prayer. No time through our fast did we pray for a house. We prayed that the Lord would guide us according to His will and we were willing to accept whatever that was.
If it meant moving into a hotel for 3 months, renting an unfurnished apartment and sleeping on air mattresses for a couple months, we even entertained the Idaho of me going home to my parents and living there until a house on post came available.
Kevin spent an hour making call after call today finally getting a lead on an economy apartment not too far from post. It wasn't the ideal situation but we were willing. And I was prepared to call my mom and ask if I could come home if that didn't work out.
We were literally on our way to check out the apartment when Kevin received a phone call. The lady asked if we were still interested in living on post. Kevin said yes! We soon had an appointment to go look at a house. We knew the Lord had His hands in this. We had just been to Housing not even an hour earlier and the lady was very grim when she told us that we were on the slowest list with the least amount of houses available. She said we would be lucky to get in 3-6 months. So we were very surprised when this other lady called us.
She told us that this street had just become available, it was only open for a certain rank and we were the first on the list to be called.
It's an older house but it's a solid house. It's an individual house versus a duplex style. We did lose 300 square feet from what we had at Hood but we will manage. We weighed all the different aspects. Would it be worth our housing allowance? Because it's an older house, all of our utilities are included without being metered. We also will have our lawn taken care of both in mowing and with the leaves clean up at no cost to us. We have hardwood floors, no stairs and no carpet! We felt that it was worth our BAH. We have a beautiful view of a tree line from our back door, that also means no back neighbors. We get to keep Daniel in his school which was something he prayed for. We will be less then a mile from Kevin's office and are close by the PX and the commissary.
We know that this house is a blessing and we accept it as such. Sure we could have waited the 3-6 months for a slightly bigger, newer house but we know that this is the where the Lord wants us.
God is good and when we ask of Him and understand His Will, we will be blessed.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Still Waiting
We are still waiting for housing...our number is getting closer but the process is slow.
We are all tired of temporary lodging. We are grateful for what we have don't get me wrong but patience is running thin.
It's hard to really get involved when you never know if you are going to get a call that this is the day to sign for a house and get everything prepped for it. I do not like signing up for things unsure of whether I am able to be 100% obligated.
I did however, teach my first Army Family Team Building class here and I think it went well. I love teaching so it was nice for me. I'm also teaming up with the Parent to Parent organization here and am going to help facilitate a book reading. It feels good to be serving again, even if it's just little things.
Neil already worked a bake sale for his school and because we are that cheesy family we all went and froze together. It was nice though, we had fun.
So we still wait and hope that things will fall into place soon.
Keep us in your prayers, thoughts or whatever it is you do so we can get a house soon and get settled!
We are all tired of temporary lodging. We are grateful for what we have don't get me wrong but patience is running thin.
It's hard to really get involved when you never know if you are going to get a call that this is the day to sign for a house and get everything prepped for it. I do not like signing up for things unsure of whether I am able to be 100% obligated.
I did however, teach my first Army Family Team Building class here and I think it went well. I love teaching so it was nice for me. I'm also teaming up with the Parent to Parent organization here and am going to help facilitate a book reading. It feels good to be serving again, even if it's just little things.
Neil already worked a bake sale for his school and because we are that cheesy family we all went and froze together. It was nice though, we had fun.
So we still wait and hope that things will fall into place soon.
Keep us in your prayers, thoughts or whatever it is you do so we can get a house soon and get settled!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Fort Hood Memories Part 6
Time seemed to go by awfully fast during our R&R, we tried to just focus on us as a family and not think about the stress that we had to deal with while separated. It was nice just to be a family again. We kept telling ourselves that when he went back it would only be for about six weeks and then he would be home. We just did 10 months, we could handle six weeks!
When we dropped him off at the airport you would have thought we were sending him off for another year...we were just an emotional mess.
The next six weeks were horrid, they tacked on extra time for Kevin by putting him on a detail. He no longer worked with the trifling LT but he was done with this unit. So was I. While he spent time struggling over there with the Soldiers in his unit, I was back here struggling with the families and Rear D. We both tried our best, but the countdown was not going fast enough. Kevin did have some good things going, he was working in an area now where he felt he could make a difference. But it was too late, he was ready to be done and come home. And I was ready to have him home.
As his time came nearer to be home, it became harder for me. I did the best I could to support the Soldiers and their families. I still love taking care of Soldiers, this experience would not change that. The boys and I helped prepare the barracks for the single Soldiers and I attended 11 homecomings before Kevin came home. Each one became harder and harder to attend. Especially when his entire command team came home and he was still hanging out in Kuwait. We were also praying that Kevin would make it home in time for our youngest son's birthday. Kevin had never been home ON Daniel's birthday. Ever. All Daniel wanted for his birthday was his dad, that's it. I prayed and prayed that his wish would come true. It did, Kevin made it home 2 days before his birthday.
My love was home...it was time to start the next chapter in our lives. We were on orders to Fort Leonard Wood, MO. Many don't understand that we need this break, we need the slower pace to process the last 5 years of our lives. We need to regroup as a family and work through things we have set aside. We have done all that the Army has asked of us and we asked the Army for some reprieve. That is what we pray for as we go through our time here.
We are grateful for our time at Fort Hood, we are grateful for the experiences. While we endured much hardship, we also obtained a lot of growth. There are things I wish I had the power to change and other things I wouldn't change for the world. We are a faith based family. We know the Lord's hand is in all things. We know we were placed at Fort Hood for the very experiences we had.
Yes, there were times when we were broken down, but we always came back...even stronger. One thing we learned for sure is that we can handle whatever the Army and life throws at us...we are a family..an Army family, we only get stronger with time and experience.
When we dropped him off at the airport you would have thought we were sending him off for another year...we were just an emotional mess.
The next six weeks were horrid, they tacked on extra time for Kevin by putting him on a detail. He no longer worked with the trifling LT but he was done with this unit. So was I. While he spent time struggling over there with the Soldiers in his unit, I was back here struggling with the families and Rear D. We both tried our best, but the countdown was not going fast enough. Kevin did have some good things going, he was working in an area now where he felt he could make a difference. But it was too late, he was ready to be done and come home. And I was ready to have him home.As his time came nearer to be home, it became harder for me. I did the best I could to support the Soldiers and their families. I still love taking care of Soldiers, this experience would not change that. The boys and I helped prepare the barracks for the single Soldiers and I attended 11 homecomings before Kevin came home. Each one became harder and harder to attend. Especially when his entire command team came home and he was still hanging out in Kuwait. We were also praying that Kevin would make it home in time for our youngest son's birthday. Kevin had never been home ON Daniel's birthday. Ever. All Daniel wanted for his birthday was his dad, that's it. I prayed and prayed that his wish would come true. It did, Kevin made it home 2 days before his birthday.
My love was home...it was time to start the next chapter in our lives. We were on orders to Fort Leonard Wood, MO. Many don't understand that we need this break, we need the slower pace to process the last 5 years of our lives. We need to regroup as a family and work through things we have set aside. We have done all that the Army has asked of us and we asked the Army for some reprieve. That is what we pray for as we go through our time here.We are grateful for our time at Fort Hood, we are grateful for the experiences. While we endured much hardship, we also obtained a lot of growth. There are things I wish I had the power to change and other things I wouldn't change for the world. We are a faith based family. We know the Lord's hand is in all things. We know we were placed at Fort Hood for the very experiences we had.
Yes, there were times when we were broken down, but we always came back...even stronger. One thing we learned for sure is that we can handle whatever the Army and life throws at us...we are a family..an Army family, we only get stronger with time and experience.
Fort Hood Memories Part 5
So as I mentioned previously we had 18 months between deployments to Iraq. While Kevin was gone for much of it, we tried our best do do the best we could to spend time as a family and appreciate the time we did have. Sometimes it's hard to do when you have deployment lingering over you, it's even harder when there are so many unresolved issues from the previous deployment but what can you do? We pressed on. We watched many of our friends struggle as well, for our fellow Soldiers and families in 8-10, the cost of the previous deployment was high. Many families were broken, many Soldiers were broken and here we were prepping for another rotation.
We went to a new unit, it was a very hard transition. They didn't have to deal with the same things we had. It was hard for me, I know it was hard for Kevin. We did the best we could. I know I didn't connect to the families or Soldiers the way I had previously, it just hurt to much when I did that. So I stayed away. Looking back I feel bad about that but I know that there wasn't much I could do. Originally the brigade was on orders for a 15 month rotation. Few believed it would actually go that long, but we prepared nonetheless. Kevin and I decided that we would try to plan for R&R to be the lastest we could possibly get. Even if it meant that we would miss it if they shortened the tour, both of us remembered how hard the previous R&R had been.
This goodbye was so different. Everyone stayed with their Soldier, there was no real lingering. I didn't take pics really of anyone else. I cherished every last moment I could with my Soldier. The previous time we said goodbye, I would not cry in front of Kevin. This time the tears flowed freely. I was angry this time, I had to share Kevin with his Soldiers. He'd stay with us a few minutes and then go check on his Soldiers or go find some paperwork. I felt cheated and annoyed.
Finally it was just us...Kevin told me I could go, but I wouldn't, I needed to spend every last possible second with him that I could. The boys needed to be with their daddy.
Finally the white buses pulled up and it was time to go. I wasn't ready but I had no choice. Everywhere around me families were sobbing. I had a good cry and then the boys and I went home. This wasn't our first, probably wouldn't be the last, we could get through and we would..one day at a time.
The biggest challenge with this deployment would not be the combat aspect but in dealing with the people within our own unit. I'm an honest person so I am not going to pretend that every unit we have ever been with has been the best, this has been the worst. There were good individuals in the unit but I have to say that there was no unit cohesiveness and there were many internal problems. I won't go into all of them because that is not what my blog is about but I will mention what I feel is pertinent to us.
The first couple months weren't so bad but then Kevin got a new LT in his platoon. All I will say about her is that I think her parents would be ashamed (or I would hope they would be) about her behavior and her actions. I can't even type about her without my blood pressure going up. Having a leadership team that has contention is never a good thing in a platoon and sadly that is what happened. It made for a very stressful tour for Kevin and for me since I had the privilege of being the one who listened to all the problems. I am not one of those wives who thinks my Soldier is perfect, I am aware he makes mistakes and he will be the first one to tell you that he has. That said, there was turmoil in this platoon. I have never been as disgusted over Soldiers as I was with some of the Soldiers in his platoon and their need to please a female over someone who went to bat for them and cared for them. I also am disgusted with the leadership who knew, acknowledged and let her continue.
This tour was hard on Kevin and on me, I felt helpless. Because we had a later R&R date, we had 10 months of time to get through before he would come home on a break. That time crept by. Everyday for him got worse in having to deal with the internal platoon problems.
On Valentine's Day, I think we hit rock bottom. Kevin was involved in an accident. I am still hurt by the actions of his entire unit in regards to that situation, his LT preyed on it and made it a bigger issue then necessary. I had no support whatsoever from his unit. I was angry and hurt and I felt helpless because my husband was over 7000 miles away and I could not take care of his emotional or physical needs.
I only let a few people know about that situation, I didn't trust anyone, I felt very alone. My husband felt very alone. We still had 6 weeks before he would be home for R&R. We didn't know how we could make it until then.
Finally...my love came home on R&R, we were together again...we could take care of each other...
We went to a new unit, it was a very hard transition. They didn't have to deal with the same things we had. It was hard for me, I know it was hard for Kevin. We did the best we could. I know I didn't connect to the families or Soldiers the way I had previously, it just hurt to much when I did that. So I stayed away. Looking back I feel bad about that but I know that there wasn't much I could do. Originally the brigade was on orders for a 15 month rotation. Few believed it would actually go that long, but we prepared nonetheless. Kevin and I decided that we would try to plan for R&R to be the lastest we could possibly get. Even if it meant that we would miss it if they shortened the tour, both of us remembered how hard the previous R&R had been.
This goodbye was so different. Everyone stayed with their Soldier, there was no real lingering. I didn't take pics really of anyone else. I cherished every last moment I could with my Soldier. The previous time we said goodbye, I would not cry in front of Kevin. This time the tears flowed freely. I was angry this time, I had to share Kevin with his Soldiers. He'd stay with us a few minutes and then go check on his Soldiers or go find some paperwork. I felt cheated and annoyed.
Finally it was just us...Kevin told me I could go, but I wouldn't, I needed to spend every last possible second with him that I could. The boys needed to be with their daddy.
Finally the white buses pulled up and it was time to go. I wasn't ready but I had no choice. Everywhere around me families were sobbing. I had a good cry and then the boys and I went home. This wasn't our first, probably wouldn't be the last, we could get through and we would..one day at a time.The biggest challenge with this deployment would not be the combat aspect but in dealing with the people within our own unit. I'm an honest person so I am not going to pretend that every unit we have ever been with has been the best, this has been the worst. There were good individuals in the unit but I have to say that there was no unit cohesiveness and there were many internal problems. I won't go into all of them because that is not what my blog is about but I will mention what I feel is pertinent to us.
The first couple months weren't so bad but then Kevin got a new LT in his platoon. All I will say about her is that I think her parents would be ashamed (or I would hope they would be) about her behavior and her actions. I can't even type about her without my blood pressure going up. Having a leadership team that has contention is never a good thing in a platoon and sadly that is what happened. It made for a very stressful tour for Kevin and for me since I had the privilege of being the one who listened to all the problems. I am not one of those wives who thinks my Soldier is perfect, I am aware he makes mistakes and he will be the first one to tell you that he has. That said, there was turmoil in this platoon. I have never been as disgusted over Soldiers as I was with some of the Soldiers in his platoon and their need to please a female over someone who went to bat for them and cared for them. I also am disgusted with the leadership who knew, acknowledged and let her continue.
This tour was hard on Kevin and on me, I felt helpless. Because we had a later R&R date, we had 10 months of time to get through before he would come home on a break. That time crept by. Everyday for him got worse in having to deal with the internal platoon problems.
On Valentine's Day, I think we hit rock bottom. Kevin was involved in an accident. I am still hurt by the actions of his entire unit in regards to that situation, his LT preyed on it and made it a bigger issue then necessary. I had no support whatsoever from his unit. I was angry and hurt and I felt helpless because my husband was over 7000 miles away and I could not take care of his emotional or physical needs.
I only let a few people know about that situation, I didn't trust anyone, I felt very alone. My husband felt very alone. We still had 6 weeks before he would be home for R&R. We didn't know how we could make it until then.
Finally...my love came home on R&R, we were together again...we could take care of each other...
Monday, October 19, 2009
Fort Hood Memories Part 4
I wish I could say that the deployment ended for us on December 3, 2006. It didn't. Those who have been to combat or have supported someone who has been to combat know that many times deployment doesn't end at the homecoming ceremony. There was so much that needed to be processed, experiences reflected on and pondered.
But...like so many others...who had time for that? Before our unit even came back we already knew that they would be heading back anywhere from 12-18 months later.
We got 18 months and 7 days...kind of.
During Kevin's "dwell time" he went to school for an entire summer, did two National Training Rotations (Fort Irwin, 30-45 days each), one Joint Readiness Training Rotation and two local field exercises. It was great having him stateside but he wasn't home. And he certainly didn't have time to process his previous deployment. Nor did I really, since I was still doing my best to keep our home running with three active boys.
I did the only thing I knew how. Made myself busy. There were few things I didn't volunteer for. Need an FRG leader, I'm your girl, oh wait PTA, sure sign me up! Army Family Team Building, why not, I'm living the life. Cub Scouts, well my boys go, why not me too! That was how I coped. How did Kevin cope...to be honest I don't think he did. He switched units and helped that unit get prepared to deploy. We went from a Combat unit to a Support unit..a very different mentality. It was an adjustment for both of us.
I know my husband came back from his tour to Iraq different. But I wouldn't expect him to be the same, life experience changes us. We didn't talk much, I tried not to push him. I know he was trying to protect me. He was upset that I knew as much as I did about certain situations. There are many things we didn't talk about at first. I knew things bothered him. To this day, he still has dreams, he doesn't remember them but they scare me at night.
That 18 months is a blur really. I know we visited the memorials of his fallen friends. I thought it would be healing, now I wonder if I pushed too much, too soon.
But...like so many others...who had time for that? Before our unit even came back we already knew that they would be heading back anywhere from 12-18 months later.
We got 18 months and 7 days...kind of.
During Kevin's "dwell time" he went to school for an entire summer, did two National Training Rotations (Fort Irwin, 30-45 days each), one Joint Readiness Training Rotation and two local field exercises. It was great having him stateside but he wasn't home. And he certainly didn't have time to process his previous deployment. Nor did I really, since I was still doing my best to keep our home running with three active boys.
I did the only thing I knew how. Made myself busy. There were few things I didn't volunteer for. Need an FRG leader, I'm your girl, oh wait PTA, sure sign me up! Army Family Team Building, why not, I'm living the life. Cub Scouts, well my boys go, why not me too! That was how I coped. How did Kevin cope...to be honest I don't think he did. He switched units and helped that unit get prepared to deploy. We went from a Combat unit to a Support unit..a very different mentality. It was an adjustment for both of us.
I know my husband came back from his tour to Iraq different. But I wouldn't expect him to be the same, life experience changes us. We didn't talk much, I tried not to push him. I know he was trying to protect me. He was upset that I knew as much as I did about certain situations. There are many things we didn't talk about at first. I knew things bothered him. To this day, he still has dreams, he doesn't remember them but they scare me at night.
That 18 months is a blur really. I know we visited the memorials of his fallen friends. I thought it would be healing, now I wonder if I pushed too much, too soon.
HHT 8-10 Cavalry Soldiers 05/06
Below is the video I made from pics my husband and I took a few days before they deployed to Iraq in December 2005. I carried these boys in my heart that whole year and on into today. They will always be my boys, no matter what.
Fort Hood Memories Part 3
We sent our Soldier back to war, six months down, six more to go. How would we survive. I spent the first couple days wondering how I had made it through the first six months when just trying to look forward to the next six were so overwhelming to me. I continued to take care of my kids, volunteering for the unit and just trying to get through each day the best I could. I could lie and say that I picked myself up and handled those last six months like a true Army Wife Veteran. I didn't. I put the best smile on everyday and went about my business but each night, I laid in my bed awake, sobbing. Worrying about my husband, crying for my friends who had lost their loves and wondering what the war would bring for us next.
In August, we all started to feel comfortable again when we lost another Soldier in our Squadron. Upon hearing the name, the connection was bad and I thought it was another Soldier in our unit, I almost couldn't handle it. I can't explain how you feel when it's just a little closer to you. When I found out that the Soldier was in a different troop, I had a sigh of relief following immediately with guilt for feeling that way. SGT Jeremy King was killed by a sniper. A few weeks later one of his friends would share a pic of him with his new baby. He had met his child while home on leave just a few weeks before his death. That picture was more then I could handle. I spent hours sobbing. I was done, I was ready for this deployment to be over, time was not going by fast enough.
I honestly can't tell you how I got through those next few months. As we begin to approach homecoming, we were busy, crazy busy planning a nice welcome home for our troops. I was overwhelmed with anxiety. I was excited my Soldier was coming home but I could not get past the fact that not all of our Soldiers were coming home. There would those who would not run into the gym and my mind could not get past that. While everyone else was planning that "moment" I didn't want mine because of the guilt I had that my friend wouldn't have hers and neither would many others in our Brigade.
My friend Nita told me she wanted to go to every homecoming. To this day I am impressed with her strength, she says she was numb but I know there was an amazing amount of strength underneath that numbness. Together we went to homecoming after homecoming.
My husband was on the last flight (so typical), the boys were excited, I was still mixed with emotions. I remember getting to the gym, staking our area, meeting the other families and preparing myself. I was nervous...happy, sad, numb. One of the other wives told me that I couldn't cry, they were all counting on me to hold it together (gee, no pressure!). I tried to keep myself busy talking to the families, entertaining my kids but I was a mess. When they announced that the buses were on their way, I started taking deep breaths. I was doing the best I could to keep it together. When the music started and they lined up kids to welcome the Soldiers through the door, I almost passed out. My mind had so many thoughts...do I run to him, do I wait for him to come to me...what do I do? Kevin was the third Soldier to run in the door. It doesn't matter that there were a hundred other Soldiers, I know my love and my radar clicked in. Our eyes connected and I knew he was home. Those two minutes of waiting seemed like a lifetime. When the Colonel announced dismissed, I froze! LaNita shoved me off the bleacher and sent me into the arms of my love. We were together again...
Kevin with his buddy MSG Daniel Robles who lost both of his legs in Iraq, April 2006, one of my heroes!
Kevin hugging LaNita Herlem, proud widow of SFC Bryant Herlem, KIA 28 April 2006, Iraq
In August, we all started to feel comfortable again when we lost another Soldier in our Squadron. Upon hearing the name, the connection was bad and I thought it was another Soldier in our unit, I almost couldn't handle it. I can't explain how you feel when it's just a little closer to you. When I found out that the Soldier was in a different troop, I had a sigh of relief following immediately with guilt for feeling that way. SGT Jeremy King was killed by a sniper. A few weeks later one of his friends would share a pic of him with his new baby. He had met his child while home on leave just a few weeks before his death. That picture was more then I could handle. I spent hours sobbing. I was done, I was ready for this deployment to be over, time was not going by fast enough.
I honestly can't tell you how I got through those next few months. As we begin to approach homecoming, we were busy, crazy busy planning a nice welcome home for our troops. I was overwhelmed with anxiety. I was excited my Soldier was coming home but I could not get past the fact that not all of our Soldiers were coming home. There would those who would not run into the gym and my mind could not get past that. While everyone else was planning that "moment" I didn't want mine because of the guilt I had that my friend wouldn't have hers and neither would many others in our Brigade.
My friend Nita told me she wanted to go to every homecoming. To this day I am impressed with her strength, she says she was numb but I know there was an amazing amount of strength underneath that numbness. Together we went to homecoming after homecoming.
My husband was on the last flight (so typical), the boys were excited, I was still mixed with emotions. I remember getting to the gym, staking our area, meeting the other families and preparing myself. I was nervous...happy, sad, numb. One of the other wives told me that I couldn't cry, they were all counting on me to hold it together (gee, no pressure!). I tried to keep myself busy talking to the families, entertaining my kids but I was a mess. When they announced that the buses were on their way, I started taking deep breaths. I was doing the best I could to keep it together. When the music started and they lined up kids to welcome the Soldiers through the door, I almost passed out. My mind had so many thoughts...do I run to him, do I wait for him to come to me...what do I do? Kevin was the third Soldier to run in the door. It doesn't matter that there were a hundred other Soldiers, I know my love and my radar clicked in. Our eyes connected and I knew he was home. Those two minutes of waiting seemed like a lifetime. When the Colonel announced dismissed, I froze! LaNita shoved me off the bleacher and sent me into the arms of my love. We were together again...
Kevin with his buddy MSG Daniel Robles who lost both of his legs in Iraq, April 2006, one of my heroes!
Kevin hugging LaNita Herlem, proud widow of SFC Bryant Herlem, KIA 28 April 2006, IraqSaturday, October 17, 2009
Fort Hood Memories Part 2
So our guys headed off to Iraq the first week of December 2005. Most of us did our best to just keep going. Going through the moments, living in what I now call the "bubble". A lot of us didn't know what to expect and we were naive...really that's what it was, we were naive. We heard of other units losing Soldiers, but it was them, not us. We were invincible. It's not like I personally had not known Soldiers who had been killed. One of our neighbors from Fort Knox was killed at a checkpoint in Iraq. My brother lost his squad leader in a rollover. I knew the cost personally, but not close enough that I could still live in the confines of that "bubble".
Christmas 2006 was largely overshadowed with worry as my husband was one of a few Soldiers from his unit convoying from Kuwait to Baghdad, we prayed that both Santa and the Lord would get them to their destination safely.
I was very involved in the FRG and attended many trainings and forums. My heart broke when we would meet with other units within our brigade and hear that they had casualties. My heart broke but it was still far enough away from me that I wasn't too affected. It was in late February or so when we had our first serious injury. The crazy thing about it, no one thought it was that serious. Even when my husband told me, it was almost in a nonchalant way. When the Soldier was shipped to Germany and didn't return was when they realized it was serious. He had some shrapnel in his eye and to this day is still receiving treatment and surgeries for it. That was the beginning. In a matter of four weeks, we suffered injuries and death in our unit. Our "bubble" was burst. We had a Soldier lose both his legs in an IED incident. Just a couple weeks later an RPG hit one of our Bradley's causing serious injuries to all riding and burning one so badly he died from his wounds 3 weeks later (SGT Brandon Teeters). Just over a week after the Bradley incident we had the first losses of the tour. I didn't know how much this incident would change my life. My husband lost two friends, his brothers in arms. SFC Bryant Herlem and SGT Jose Gomez were killed by an IED on 28 April 2006.
This event would be a turning point not only for this deployment but in our lives as well. It had a significant impact on our unit, my marriage and me individually. I learned a lot through this experience. I gained a lot. I gained a new friend (LaNita Herlem), I learned what mattered. I lost a lot as well, some innocence, some fair-weathered friends. It was interesting to see who stepped up and who backed away. I had some hurt feelings but overall it was a learning experience for me to see what the meaning of "friendship" truly was.
I won't go into detail how this event really affected me as it is quite personal and I admit that I am still working through many things.
I learned from my friend LaNita to make every moment count. Be good to your spouse and make the relationships you have matter. I don't stress about the big things, I appreciate the small things.
I wish that I could say those were our only losses, two losses too many but we would lose two more Soldiers in our Squadron and numerous others within our Brigade. We would be affected by a loss of a Soldier in another unit. CPT James Funkhouser, an officer who Kevin had served closely with before he went to take command of another unit. That loss also hit Kevin hard. It was the first time that Kevin forgot my birthday. CPT Funkhouser's memorial service in Baghdad was on June 2, 2006, my birthday. I couldn't be upset about a forgotten birthday when others were suffering a loss so big.
Kevin would come home on R&R just a week or so later. Already I could see a change. We muddled through our 15 days together, but the reality of war lingered over us heavily.
15 days isn't enough time to process such life altering experiences. You put on your best smile and you take each day as it comes.
From the beginning, we knew we had a great responsibility to honor the legacies of those who had fallen.
Sending Kevin back, after our "bubble" had been burst was hard. It was harder then sending him away the first time. I didn't know how I could get through it.
To be continued...
Christmas 2006 was largely overshadowed with worry as my husband was one of a few Soldiers from his unit convoying from Kuwait to Baghdad, we prayed that both Santa and the Lord would get them to their destination safely.
I was very involved in the FRG and attended many trainings and forums. My heart broke when we would meet with other units within our brigade and hear that they had casualties. My heart broke but it was still far enough away from me that I wasn't too affected. It was in late February or so when we had our first serious injury. The crazy thing about it, no one thought it was that serious. Even when my husband told me, it was almost in a nonchalant way. When the Soldier was shipped to Germany and didn't return was when they realized it was serious. He had some shrapnel in his eye and to this day is still receiving treatment and surgeries for it. That was the beginning. In a matter of four weeks, we suffered injuries and death in our unit. Our "bubble" was burst. We had a Soldier lose both his legs in an IED incident. Just a couple weeks later an RPG hit one of our Bradley's causing serious injuries to all riding and burning one so badly he died from his wounds 3 weeks later (SGT Brandon Teeters). Just over a week after the Bradley incident we had the first losses of the tour. I didn't know how much this incident would change my life. My husband lost two friends, his brothers in arms. SFC Bryant Herlem and SGT Jose Gomez were killed by an IED on 28 April 2006.
This event would be a turning point not only for this deployment but in our lives as well. It had a significant impact on our unit, my marriage and me individually. I learned a lot through this experience. I gained a lot. I gained a new friend (LaNita Herlem), I learned what mattered. I lost a lot as well, some innocence, some fair-weathered friends. It was interesting to see who stepped up and who backed away. I had some hurt feelings but overall it was a learning experience for me to see what the meaning of "friendship" truly was.I won't go into detail how this event really affected me as it is quite personal and I admit that I am still working through many things.
I learned from my friend LaNita to make every moment count. Be good to your spouse and make the relationships you have matter. I don't stress about the big things, I appreciate the small things.
I wish that I could say those were our only losses, two losses too many but we would lose two more Soldiers in our Squadron and numerous others within our Brigade. We would be affected by a loss of a Soldier in another unit. CPT James Funkhouser, an officer who Kevin had served closely with before he went to take command of another unit. That loss also hit Kevin hard. It was the first time that Kevin forgot my birthday. CPT Funkhouser's memorial service in Baghdad was on June 2, 2006, my birthday. I couldn't be upset about a forgotten birthday when others were suffering a loss so big.
Kevin would come home on R&R just a week or so later. Already I could see a change. We muddled through our 15 days together, but the reality of war lingered over us heavily.
15 days isn't enough time to process such life altering experiences. You put on your best smile and you take each day as it comes.
From the beginning, we knew we had a great responsibility to honor the legacies of those who had fallen.
Sending Kevin back, after our "bubble" had been burst was hard. It was harder then sending him away the first time. I didn't know how I could get through it.To be continued...
Goodbye Fort Hood December 2005
As I continue to reflect I will share videos and photos. This is the video that I made from the pictures I took at the farewells to our Soldiers headed to Iraq for their 2005-2006 rotations. It's heartbreaking because many of the couples are now divorced, there is a heavy cost to war.
Fort Hood Memories Part 1
Since getting here to Fort Leonard Wood, we have had some down time. A lot of down time to be honest as we sit in limbo as previously stated in other entries. It's pretty much the first time that I've been able to really stop and think and process some of the experiences that we had at Fort Hood.
We got to Fort Hood in Dec 2004 and hit the ground running. Kevin was one of the few Soldiers that was with that brigade right from the start, he even got there before his own Squadron Commander. We knew from the time we signed in that he would deploy, in fact we went to Fort Hood so he could deploy. I won't lie, that scared the hell out of me.
Kevin got a couple months to get settled and then all the training and chaos started. They went from standing up a brigade from basically nothing to deployed in 11 months. I think few of us knew what to expect. I know many of us were in selfish mode, we were all cordial with one other at FRG meetings and other social events but for the most part we were all greedy with the time that we had to spend with our own Soldier. I know we were. The Soldiers grew close which is good but most of the family members didn't know each other until AFTER the guys left.
Our guys were scheduled to deploy the first week of December 2005. The anticipation has built up to an intense level. We had been told so many things throughout the 11 months that most of us were ready to say the goodbye, it couldn't be worse then the waiting (at least that's what we thought). Thanksgiving was the last holiday we would spend together before shipping the guys out. It would be a memorable one but not the way you think.
In the early hours of Thanksgiving we received a call letting us know that one of Kevin's Soldiers had been in a car accident in the middle of the night and was not expected to make it. It put many of the families in our platoon in an odd position. We all wanted this last holiday, they all felt it was their duty to be with one of their own. In the end, most of them, including Kevin left their families and went to the hospital. It was a bittersweet experience for us because I hated that he wasn't home with us but grateful that he was willing to honor his position as a leader. He spent a lot of his last week home at the hospital. I had to put a lot my selfishness aside and allow him to do what he felt he needed to. It was also comforting to me to know that the Soldiers he would deploy with were willing to band together for this Soldier stateside, it let me know they would watch out for one another in combat.
A few days later we would say goodbye to our Soldier and those in his unit...for some...it would be their last goodbye.
The morning we took our Soldier to get on the ugly white buses was hard. It was a somewhat nice day but the silence was deafening. All around us Soldiers and their families were huddled together, trying to make every minute count. The wait is torture. You want every second you can get but then you also want to get it overwith, it's a true mix of emotions. I was the Family Readiness Group leader and felt that I should try to take as many pics as I could. I had a friend with me who was snapping away. I still find myself looking at those pics and thinking back to that day. Most welcomed the photo opportunity, a few didn't. I'll never forget that my dear friend Nita and her husband didn't want a photo. At first I honored that request but then I told them I didn't care, I was going to take one anyway. It would be the last picture taken of the two of them together.
I also snapped many pics of Soldiers who's families weren't there, just so I could load them and share them later. Many of the Soldiers were still putting some of their equipment together. SGT JLO and SGT G were two of them. I remember laughing with them about how long it took for them to get their sling together for their weapon. I don't have to look at a picture to remember that moment. Just a few months later, the picture I took of SGT Jose Gomez would be in newspapers everywhere when they ran the article about him being killed in Iraq.
What I initially remembered about the day we put our Soldier on the bus and bid farewell ended up not being what I would remember about that day after all.
To be continued....
We got to Fort Hood in Dec 2004 and hit the ground running. Kevin was one of the few Soldiers that was with that brigade right from the start, he even got there before his own Squadron Commander. We knew from the time we signed in that he would deploy, in fact we went to Fort Hood so he could deploy. I won't lie, that scared the hell out of me.
Kevin got a couple months to get settled and then all the training and chaos started. They went from standing up a brigade from basically nothing to deployed in 11 months. I think few of us knew what to expect. I know many of us were in selfish mode, we were all cordial with one other at FRG meetings and other social events but for the most part we were all greedy with the time that we had to spend with our own Soldier. I know we were. The Soldiers grew close which is good but most of the family members didn't know each other until AFTER the guys left.
Our guys were scheduled to deploy the first week of December 2005. The anticipation has built up to an intense level. We had been told so many things throughout the 11 months that most of us were ready to say the goodbye, it couldn't be worse then the waiting (at least that's what we thought). Thanksgiving was the last holiday we would spend together before shipping the guys out. It would be a memorable one but not the way you think.
In the early hours of Thanksgiving we received a call letting us know that one of Kevin's Soldiers had been in a car accident in the middle of the night and was not expected to make it. It put many of the families in our platoon in an odd position. We all wanted this last holiday, they all felt it was their duty to be with one of their own. In the end, most of them, including Kevin left their families and went to the hospital. It was a bittersweet experience for us because I hated that he wasn't home with us but grateful that he was willing to honor his position as a leader. He spent a lot of his last week home at the hospital. I had to put a lot my selfishness aside and allow him to do what he felt he needed to. It was also comforting to me to know that the Soldiers he would deploy with were willing to band together for this Soldier stateside, it let me know they would watch out for one another in combat.
A few days later we would say goodbye to our Soldier and those in his unit...for some...it would be their last goodbye.
The morning we took our Soldier to get on the ugly white buses was hard. It was a somewhat nice day but the silence was deafening. All around us Soldiers and their families were huddled together, trying to make every minute count. The wait is torture. You want every second you can get but then you also want to get it overwith, it's a true mix of emotions. I was the Family Readiness Group leader and felt that I should try to take as many pics as I could. I had a friend with me who was snapping away. I still find myself looking at those pics and thinking back to that day. Most welcomed the photo opportunity, a few didn't. I'll never forget that my dear friend Nita and her husband didn't want a photo. At first I honored that request but then I told them I didn't care, I was going to take one anyway. It would be the last picture taken of the two of them together.
I also snapped many pics of Soldiers who's families weren't there, just so I could load them and share them later. Many of the Soldiers were still putting some of their equipment together. SGT JLO and SGT G were two of them. I remember laughing with them about how long it took for them to get their sling together for their weapon. I don't have to look at a picture to remember that moment. Just a few months later, the picture I took of SGT Jose Gomez would be in newspapers everywhere when they ran the article about him being killed in Iraq.
What I initially remembered about the day we put our Soldier on the bus and bid farewell ended up not being what I would remember about that day after all.To be continued....
Friday, October 16, 2009
RaNdOm PiCs 10/16/2009
Playing cranium, can't you tell he's the Eiffel Tower?
Out with some of my Fort Hood, AFTB peeps, miss you guys so much!
The boys and Mr. T, we are so blessed to call him a friend!
Bye SMS! Won't be missing you!
Bye Bye House! I do miss you! Be good to your next family!Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Hurry Up and Wait
Ugh, I hate that statement from the Army but so often it's true.
We are waiting for housing. It is a tortured experience. We are here, physically here waiting to get assigned a house on post, but anyone can walk in, have a leave date earlier then us and bump us. That is what happened to us today. We only have this nice pet cottage for 12 more days or so and then we have to find other living arrangements. When we signed into housing, they told us it would be about a 2-6 week wait, now they say a 4-6 month wait. The reality is probably somewhere in the middle of that.
I feel blessed to have the temporary arrangments we do but the fact that we have no house to move into at the end of our stay in 10 days does stress me some. We have it in the Lord's hands and we know that He will take care of us.
I'm a little off center here, I'm growing weary of not having our own stuff. It's hard to be motivated when you are in limbo.
I went into the AFTB office here and they were nice enough, it's different though, I miss my Hood peeps. It's a smaller installation so they have different problems.
On a good note, while visiting the AFTB office, we met Kevin's brigade commander's wife and the brigade XO's wife. There is something to be said about networking! And I already like the brigade commander's wife. Kevin hasn't signed into his unit but already one of his superiors wants to help us out anyway he can. That is a step in a different direction for us considering the crap we left behind at Hood.
On a fun note, yesterday was a Basic Training graduation so there were graduates and their families milling around everywhere. I wasn't really paying attention at first but after a while I would notice that many of them would be happy go lucky and then their demeanor would change. After a few minutes I realized that Kevin was wearing a pullover he had received when he was a drill sergeant at Knox that has the Drill Sergeant badge and his name embroidered on it. It was kind of amusing to watch that. We went out to lunch and a poor kid almost choked when Kevin walked by. I told Kevin his jacket would need to go into hiding.
We had a good chat though with a new CBRN graduate (Kevin is CBRN). I admit I might have been eavesdropping (well they were talking LOUDLY). The kids family was asking him what he would be doing in training. He was stumbling through an explanation so I apologized for eavesdropping and told him he could ask Kevin since he has been doing this NBC/CBRN stuff for over 20 years. We had a nice chat with the family after that. Found out that the Soldier's grandfather had done basic training back in 1954 right here at Fort Leonard Wood. He was funny because he mentioned that it pissed him off that new Soldiers get AC in their barracks! Pretty funny stuff.
So there is positive as we continue to wait...
We are waiting for housing. It is a tortured experience. We are here, physically here waiting to get assigned a house on post, but anyone can walk in, have a leave date earlier then us and bump us. That is what happened to us today. We only have this nice pet cottage for 12 more days or so and then we have to find other living arrangements. When we signed into housing, they told us it would be about a 2-6 week wait, now they say a 4-6 month wait. The reality is probably somewhere in the middle of that.
I feel blessed to have the temporary arrangments we do but the fact that we have no house to move into at the end of our stay in 10 days does stress me some. We have it in the Lord's hands and we know that He will take care of us.
I'm a little off center here, I'm growing weary of not having our own stuff. It's hard to be motivated when you are in limbo.
I went into the AFTB office here and they were nice enough, it's different though, I miss my Hood peeps. It's a smaller installation so they have different problems.
On a good note, while visiting the AFTB office, we met Kevin's brigade commander's wife and the brigade XO's wife. There is something to be said about networking! And I already like the brigade commander's wife. Kevin hasn't signed into his unit but already one of his superiors wants to help us out anyway he can. That is a step in a different direction for us considering the crap we left behind at Hood.
On a fun note, yesterday was a Basic Training graduation so there were graduates and their families milling around everywhere. I wasn't really paying attention at first but after a while I would notice that many of them would be happy go lucky and then their demeanor would change. After a few minutes I realized that Kevin was wearing a pullover he had received when he was a drill sergeant at Knox that has the Drill Sergeant badge and his name embroidered on it. It was kind of amusing to watch that. We went out to lunch and a poor kid almost choked when Kevin walked by. I told Kevin his jacket would need to go into hiding.
We had a good chat though with a new CBRN graduate (Kevin is CBRN). I admit I might have been eavesdropping (well they were talking LOUDLY). The kids family was asking him what he would be doing in training. He was stumbling through an explanation so I apologized for eavesdropping and told him he could ask Kevin since he has been doing this NBC/CBRN stuff for over 20 years. We had a nice chat with the family after that. Found out that the Soldier's grandfather had done basic training back in 1954 right here at Fort Leonard Wood. He was funny because he mentioned that it pissed him off that new Soldiers get AC in their barracks! Pretty funny stuff.
So there is positive as we continue to wait...
Sunday, October 11, 2009
TRADOC Torment
While we are enjoying the slower pace of Fort Leonard Wood, I will admit that it is an adjustment coming from a FORSCOM (Forces Command) to a TRADOC (Training Command). The mentality is different and that is becoming very apparent as we go through each day. This isn't our first turn at being a primarily TRADOC installation, don't forget that Kevin has served as a Drill Sergeant for 3 years. But even that is different. Yesterday we had to run to the Post Exchange (PX) for a few items and it was overrun with trainees. I'm going to assume that they were in AIT to be wandering around like that. I don't know how many Soldiers bumped into us or were vulgar in their language. A big change to 6 years ago when we were at Knox and Privates hurried about their business and didn't speak and were very respectful. It made me think that this may be the problem with the caliber of some of our Soldiers these days. Don't get me wrong I love the Army and I am proud of our Soldiers but too many Soldiers these days lack respect and discipline and I blame it on the nicer Army. I have not ever agreed in co-ed Basic Training. I feel that there has to be a point where discipline is established and I got that at basic training, where it was an even playing field. When we merged to co-ed Advanced Individual Training, we already had that discipline and we could carry it on throughout the rest of our military careers. I don't see that anymore. We have Soldiers coming out of training pregnant or barely passing their PT tests, it made no sense to me.
However after this past weekend, I can see. And let me tell you why. Last night we attended the Oktoberfest here at FLW. Shortly after arriving, we sent Neil to get us some more food tickets. When he came out of the tent where they were selling them there was a Drill Sergeant walking towards him. Neil was counting his tickets as walking and almost bumped into the Drill Sergeant. Granted Neil should have been watching where he was going but at the same time the DS saw him and could have easily sidestepped him. The DS who was well over 6 feet stared down Neil and then stood next to four MP's who were standing near by and said LOUDLY that apparently the kid didn't know who he was and should have moved. What that punk E5 Drill Sergeant (something else I don't agree with) didn't notice was that I watched the whole thing. Neil rushed quickly over to me and I stared those MP's and the DS down. We've lived the life, it can be a power rush, I get it. However, never in the 36 months that Kevin served as a Drill Sergeant did he ever let the "power of the hat" cloud his judgment on how to act or treat people outside the basic training bay. It used to make me mad when I would see DS's act like jerks just because they thought they could. I would see them berating very sick Soldiers in the ER, they weren't even their Soldiers but just because they wore "the hat" they acted stupid.
Last night pissed me off...when he saw me looking at him, he nudged his little buddies and laughed and I replied LOUDLY that if acting like jerk made him feel special then so be it, but don't act like that to a kid and certainly my kid. It doesn't make me think you're extra cool and it doesn't impress anyone else around you (and it didn't, couples standing nearby scowled at him). I was reminded last night why I don't like TRADOC, I didn't enjoy it when we were on the trail because of those few who ruin it for everyone. But more and more we are handing rank to Soldiers so fast that they often don't have the maturity to go with the responsibility and that was obvious last night with that young Drill Sergeant.
I also noticed today that we are different, there are many people here who have never been deployed and so their mentality is very different then ours. I thought I was prepared for that change but perhaps it will take me a little bit longer to adjust to that. I've met people who's Soldiers are also Chemical and they are surprised that Kevin has deployed as much as he has. I have to explain that Chemical Soldiers can serve in any type of unit and when you are assigned to different Combat Arms and Combat Service Support units, you go where they go. We haven't had the opportunity to serve in just a Chemical unit, so yes Kevin has deployed.
Don't get me wrong with this post, I love the Army, I still think our Soldiers are the best out there, just not always coming out of training like they should be. We need to be putting the best Soldiers in these special positions and we need to go back in when we broke a Soldier down and built them back up, not in a position when we are their buddy. My drill sergeants didn't do me any favors by being nice and I thank them for that.
Kevin isn't going to a TRADOC unit here, he will actually go to a FORSCOM unit, I pray that it will give me the balance I need to keep me sane while we live here.
However after this past weekend, I can see. And let me tell you why. Last night we attended the Oktoberfest here at FLW. Shortly after arriving, we sent Neil to get us some more food tickets. When he came out of the tent where they were selling them there was a Drill Sergeant walking towards him. Neil was counting his tickets as walking and almost bumped into the Drill Sergeant. Granted Neil should have been watching where he was going but at the same time the DS saw him and could have easily sidestepped him. The DS who was well over 6 feet stared down Neil and then stood next to four MP's who were standing near by and said LOUDLY that apparently the kid didn't know who he was and should have moved. What that punk E5 Drill Sergeant (something else I don't agree with) didn't notice was that I watched the whole thing. Neil rushed quickly over to me and I stared those MP's and the DS down. We've lived the life, it can be a power rush, I get it. However, never in the 36 months that Kevin served as a Drill Sergeant did he ever let the "power of the hat" cloud his judgment on how to act or treat people outside the basic training bay. It used to make me mad when I would see DS's act like jerks just because they thought they could. I would see them berating very sick Soldiers in the ER, they weren't even their Soldiers but just because they wore "the hat" they acted stupid.
Last night pissed me off...when he saw me looking at him, he nudged his little buddies and laughed and I replied LOUDLY that if acting like jerk made him feel special then so be it, but don't act like that to a kid and certainly my kid. It doesn't make me think you're extra cool and it doesn't impress anyone else around you (and it didn't, couples standing nearby scowled at him). I was reminded last night why I don't like TRADOC, I didn't enjoy it when we were on the trail because of those few who ruin it for everyone. But more and more we are handing rank to Soldiers so fast that they often don't have the maturity to go with the responsibility and that was obvious last night with that young Drill Sergeant.
I also noticed today that we are different, there are many people here who have never been deployed and so their mentality is very different then ours. I thought I was prepared for that change but perhaps it will take me a little bit longer to adjust to that. I've met people who's Soldiers are also Chemical and they are surprised that Kevin has deployed as much as he has. I have to explain that Chemical Soldiers can serve in any type of unit and when you are assigned to different Combat Arms and Combat Service Support units, you go where they go. We haven't had the opportunity to serve in just a Chemical unit, so yes Kevin has deployed.
Don't get me wrong with this post, I love the Army, I still think our Soldiers are the best out there, just not always coming out of training like they should be. We need to be putting the best Soldiers in these special positions and we need to go back in when we broke a Soldier down and built them back up, not in a position when we are their buddy. My drill sergeants didn't do me any favors by being nice and I thank them for that.
Kevin isn't going to a TRADOC unit here, he will actually go to a FORSCOM unit, I pray that it will give me the balance I need to keep me sane while we live here.
Friday, October 09, 2009
Fort Lost in the Woods
I type that title with pure affection. We are loving it here (oh for those who may not know Fort Lost in the Woods is the nickname for our new duty station Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri).
We thought we might not ever leave "The Great Place" of Fort Hood. She wanted to hold onto us for a while longer but nevertheless we finally got to leave the gates and bid farewell. We were ready. That's not to say that we didn't have some tearful goodbyes and I will say my heart ached deeply as I bid farewell to my AFTB family, we knew our time at Hood was over. Thankfully through the great aspects of technology we can stay in touch.
Our drive here wasn't too bad the first day. Can I just say that a GPS is seriously overrated. I have always plotted our travel plans with a ruler, index card and an ATLAS. I do download maps from Yahoo Maps or Mapquest but usually back it up with the ATLAS. Well we trusted the GPS this go round and it got us horribly turned out and instead of taking the "fastest route" it took us some crazy route on some horrible backroads. We did end up getting here a little later then we had anticipated but overall it wasn't so bad. The boys and the dogs traveled well and we were blessed with great temporary accomodations.
We have about a 2-6 week wait for housing (hopefully closer to 2 weeks) but we should get either a new house or a newly renovated. We look forward to getting into our own home. We are staying in a pet cottage that has two rooms, a living area and a full size kitchen. It is nice to be able to have a somewhat homey atmosphere and also able to have some homecooked meals.
The boys are all enrolled in school and all love their schools so far. The boys are in 3 different schools, all in opposite directions so of course that initially put this overprotective mama bear in anxiety overdrive, but I have settled down now. I am so happy with all three faculties. Such a nice change of pace from the crankiness we had to deal with at Fort Hood.
The weather is cooler here and we've had some rain but I don't even mind it. We are serenaded daily by the cadences of the training Soldiers here. The bugle calls are loud and clear. My soul is so relaxed. I love the slower pace. I can leave and come as I please with no real traffic, no more standstill traffic.
Kevin hasn't signed into his unit yet, so we are unsure as to his mission or training schedule. We are just enjoying our time as a family and enjoying the change of pace.
We miss our friends at Fort Hood but look forward to the opportunities in store for us here.
We don't mind being lost here...not at all....
We thought we might not ever leave "The Great Place" of Fort Hood. She wanted to hold onto us for a while longer but nevertheless we finally got to leave the gates and bid farewell. We were ready. That's not to say that we didn't have some tearful goodbyes and I will say my heart ached deeply as I bid farewell to my AFTB family, we knew our time at Hood was over. Thankfully through the great aspects of technology we can stay in touch.
Our drive here wasn't too bad the first day. Can I just say that a GPS is seriously overrated. I have always plotted our travel plans with a ruler, index card and an ATLAS. I do download maps from Yahoo Maps or Mapquest but usually back it up with the ATLAS. Well we trusted the GPS this go round and it got us horribly turned out and instead of taking the "fastest route" it took us some crazy route on some horrible backroads. We did end up getting here a little later then we had anticipated but overall it wasn't so bad. The boys and the dogs traveled well and we were blessed with great temporary accomodations.
We have about a 2-6 week wait for housing (hopefully closer to 2 weeks) but we should get either a new house or a newly renovated. We look forward to getting into our own home. We are staying in a pet cottage that has two rooms, a living area and a full size kitchen. It is nice to be able to have a somewhat homey atmosphere and also able to have some homecooked meals.
The boys are all enrolled in school and all love their schools so far. The boys are in 3 different schools, all in opposite directions so of course that initially put this overprotective mama bear in anxiety overdrive, but I have settled down now. I am so happy with all three faculties. Such a nice change of pace from the crankiness we had to deal with at Fort Hood.
The weather is cooler here and we've had some rain but I don't even mind it. We are serenaded daily by the cadences of the training Soldiers here. The bugle calls are loud and clear. My soul is so relaxed. I love the slower pace. I can leave and come as I please with no real traffic, no more standstill traffic.
Kevin hasn't signed into his unit yet, so we are unsure as to his mission or training schedule. We are just enjoying our time as a family and enjoying the change of pace.
We miss our friends at Fort Hood but look forward to the opportunities in store for us here.
We don't mind being lost here...not at all....
Friday, October 02, 2009
If These Walls Could Talk...
I wonder the tales these walls would share if they could talk. Many people think that they "know" me but they only know the things that I share and let them know. These walls however, have seen and heard many things that few were probably ever aware of.
I think of the experiences we have had in the 5 years that we lived in this house. We were the first residents, right now they only know the story of the Albrecht's. Others will move in and have their own but for right now, they only know the tales of a Soldier, Army wife and three Army brats.
So what types of secrets would our walls share?
Would they tell of the lonely nights when the mom cried for her Soldier boy who was thousands of miles away? Or perhaps the silent sobs of three boys who wanted to be brave for that same mom? What about the arguments that were started out of the subconscious mentality that it would be easier to bid farewell when angry with each other.
I imagine these walls know about tears...so many tears that fell while living here...for ourselves, our friends and the many we never knew. They would tell of the flood of tears and breathless sobs that tore at my heart when I heard that a Soldier fell. The tears of gratitude and same as I cried that it wasn't mine yet heartbroken that it was someone else's.
Oh yes, many tears, perhaps an ocean or two.
But they could also tell of joy, laughter and happy tears. The dining room would tell about a family that talked over a homemade dinner and shared in giggles over the silliness three boys brought to the table. They might tell of burping contests and stories that would make others turn green. After all, we live in a house of such boy interests. The floor could tell of the flubber that fell, the many friends who came and shared in this fun event that we share with so many others.
The doorbell might tell about the wife who stopped breathing for a second every time it rang while her love was deployed to a foreign land. The door frame telling of being the strength as she leaned with relief to not find Soldiers on her doorstep.
The boys rooms could tell of the abuse as boys wrestled and fought and slammed doors. But also of the success that they each achieved. They would tell of frustrated boys who grumbled while being put in time out, they would tell of boys giggling while coming up with lovely games of imagination. I often leaned on the wall outside their rooms and listened as they played nicely with one another, often brought to tears as one of their common games was "We are off to Iraq".
Our poor carpets could tell the tale of beloved pets who preferred to go potty on them instead of outside. But still the love is there as these four legged created marched right into our hearts.
These walls could tell about strength and of weakness. Because there were many moments of both.
What tales would these walls share? Would they even tell?
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