12 years...

Today marks 12 years since Kevin and I said I do and pledged our love for one another...12 years since we looked into one another's eyes both wondering if the ceremony would ever end, would this guy ever stop talking? Yeah, that is really what it was like for me. I knew I loved him and I knew I wanted to be with him forever..but at that moment I was 9 months pregnant and the room was unbearably hot and I was hungry. Yup, folks that is the reality of my wedding day. We swapped our cheap wedding rings and after our ceremony we stopped at McDonald's for some Big Macs (a gourment meal for a pregnant woman, let me tell you!)

I have no shame in telling that tale for it is our story...I can look back and see how far we have come as a couple..as a family...I have no shame. Every trial has ended with growth in some way...every decision has come with consequence...sometimes good, sometimes bad..but whatever it was..we endured it together.

We are no different than any other couple..we have had our good times, we have had our bad times. We have argued, we have joked, we have cried, we have laughed...always it was us...we..two people. We are one union...we are individuals but we don't function one without the other...that is was marriage is really all about.

I look back at the years and think of the hard times...illness, loss of a child, diagnosis of disorders, unwanted separations, deaths of loved ones. My heart aches with some of the memories but they are soon trumped by the memories and smiles of the good times. The births of our children, the milestones, new friendships, an evening at the grocery store, a walk around the neighborhood. I think of the tough times and see how far we've come..if we hadn't endured those moments, we couldn't have the good ones...because as the scriptures say...we can't know joy, if we don't know sorrow.

Kevin is home this year for our anniversary...in 12 years, there have been many where he has been gone. I am grateful that I got to wake up next to him this morning to see his face, his smile...next year, he'll wake up in Iraq and I will wake up alone...again.

Something I've learned over the past 22 months or so is that it's not about worrying about what tomorrow will bring but being grateful for what we have today. To live in the moment.

I will reflect on the past 12 years and be grateful for what the Lord has given us. I will pray that tomorrow brings us more happiness and if a new trial is placed before us, I know that together we can overcome anything.

Kevin...sometimes I don't feel worthy enough of your love...I say the wrong things and I am often selfish...but I am grateful for you in my life. I am grateful for this beautiful little family we have been given. I know that you belong to the Lord and He has only lent you to me for a little while...and I am grateful for that. I love you...forever, for always and no matter what.